Fellas: At the end of the day, SELF-RESPECT is key
You know, I got on YouTube recently and I came across a couple of videos that I just couldn’t resist looking at to see what they had to say. They were basically videos of men talking about how to handle women. The two videos are below:
Now, I’d recommend you actually watch the videos, but if you choose not to, a summary of the first one is that the dude was saying that a man shouldn’t necessarily tell a woman what he will and won’t accept, but to simply enforce it. He said that most people (such as women), when they go out for a “girl’s night” or whatever, aren’t doing it just to have fun and make memories with the girls, it’s either to hook up with someone, to potentially hook up with someone, or to advertise to eventually hook up with someone (via their pictures “with the girls”, etc.) on Facebook and Instagram and all that crap. *shrugs*
Whether or not it’s true, his recommended course of action was that if a woman asks you if she can go out with her girls, he said don’t even say things like, “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea” “ I’m not okay with that”, etc. because she might start the gaslighting junk by calling you insecure. He said to just be like “Okay, sure”… but to have her stuff outside when she gets back so that she know it’s over. He said that boundaries need to be enforced, not just stated. I’m not sure if I FULLY agree… perhaps there could at least be a warning that if she does go, it’s over, or something.
Anyway, now to the second video. I didn’t even watch the whole thing, but already, from what I could gather, the dude said that the whole “good girl” thing is basically a myth, it’s just that some women can present themselves better, but that, ultimately, all women silently want to be naughty for an alpha male. He also said that, fortunately or unfortunately, the men who refuse to simply accept the truth of human female nature often end up getting the short end of the stick and that even though they want to just find that “one good girl” who will simply love them for them to where they can just “be themselves”, etc., and she’ll still stick around that such a woman largely doesn’t exist.
Honestly, it bothered me to listen to these videos, at least partly because they made me think of something. I don’t want to get into too much detail about my personal life but, long story short, I got into it with a young lady at work recently (I mean it was bad) and I felt like she really disrespected me, disrespected me to a point that, really, I don’t see how things can go back from it unless, perhaps, she apologizes, but I’m not holding my breath for that. It did get me wondering though… what did I do, or how did I carry myself in the first place, for her to think that she could just come at me like that to begin with? The videos also bothered me because, fortunately or unfortunately, I have been “the nice guy” (at least at one point) and, even to this day, still get sucked into videos like the ones above that talk about how to put one’s foot down and how to be that “alpha male” that women desire and all that junk and, in some ways, it sounds like a lot of work. Too much work.
BUT… I think that, perhaps, this can all be simplified, beyond saying specific words, performing specific tactics, etc. And I think that what it all boils down to is a man having SELF RESPECT. Simple. Now, I had another article where I talked about respect from women (in a nutshell, saying that having a woman respect you is more important and perhaps more attractive than all of the other stuff that men may focus on, such as height, looks, money, “having game”, etc.), but in THIS article, I might go so far as to say that having SELF RESPECT is even more important!
So how can a man make this all SIMPLE to have self respect? I would say that a good way to look at it is this: always handle things in a way that YOU feel good about. I mean, in ways that you ACTUALLY feel good about (not just what people tell you to do and feel good about), have boundaries that you actually enforce, and always be willing to walk away from a relationship that isn’t suiting you or that makes you feel bad about yourself in some way. I think that can simplify all of it.
Now, how you choose to have self respect and feel good about yourself when it comes to how you deal with your relationships with others, particularly with women, varies. But at the end of the day, YOU have to feel good about what you’re doing and how things are going. For example, if you have been dating a woman and she doesn’t really respond to your texts very much, doesn’t answer your calls much, and contacts you just enough to give you a dab of attention and perhaps to string you along, you can handle it in a few ways, but the important thing is to handle it in a way that YOU are proud of and feel good about.
Of course, you could simply communicate clearly and be like “Hey, I really like you, but I’d like to know where we stand. I don’t hear back from you very much and I don’t want to waste my time or yours, so if this isn’t working for you, you can just let me know.” OR, you could simply be like “Hey, I haven’t been hearing from you much. If you want to get together again, let me know. If not, it’s fine” or something along those lines, as the wise man Mark Manson mentioned in his awesome book Models, if I’m not mistaken (link below).
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OR, you could just not hit her up anymore (at least not until she hits you up first), IF you are able to do that without having some type of communication or attempt at closure. Some might say just not reaching out anymore would suffice. Me personally, sometimes, if I feel that a woman has been flaky, even when she does decide to hit me up, I might not respond, at least not immediately.
Now, hey, if you want to keep texting her, calling her only for her not to answer, asking her why she’s treating you that way, asking if she’s mad at you, apologizing even if you don’t feel that you really did anything wrong, continuing to chase her and make her a priority even if it seems that she merely keeps you as an option (and not even a high one at that), by all means. However, I suspect that such wouldn’t feel good to you. You wouldn’t be happy with the way that relationship is going and you probably wouldn’t feel happy with the way it made you feel or how it makes you feel that you aren’t handling it well.
Keep in mind that you can’t FORCE a woman to deal with you (at least, you shouldn’t…) and you can’t force any kind of closure either. Some people just ghost you and will simply tell themselves that they don’t owe you an explanation, regardless of how long you two have been dating and how cowardly it may be. It is what it is. Basically what I’m trying to say is, you can’t control other people, but you CAN try to control yourself and how YOU deal with situations. If however you decide to handle a situation makes you feel good about yourself in the end, IN SPITE OF other people’s behavior, then perhaps that’s self respect.
And always be willing to walk away. Regardless of how hot a woman may be, if she is always giving you the run around, isn’t doing her part to contribute to your happiness, or even if you are in a sexless relationship or marriage, you should probably leave, whether or not she cares, chases you down, or regrets it later. Some women might be like “Bye, Felicia” and never look back, especially if they already lost respect for you (hence lost attraction to you) for whatever reason, but it doesn’t matter. By you walking away, you may have more than likely redeemed yourself in her eyes at least a lil bit (not that it should matter), but more importantly, have hopefully redeemed yourself in your own eyes.
Besides, it seems that respect from others is probably a natural product of having self respect. I feel that it’s probably difficult for a lot of people to NOT respect you or, at least, to disrespect you (see the difference in my other article) when you respect yourself. At the least, they might have sense enough to not cross your boundaries, regardless of whether or not they like you or even respect you as a person. If you aren’t willing to put up with anybody’s mess, even if it’s done simply by walking away or choosing not to be as humorous and friendly with certain people the way that you once were once they have disrespected you or crossed a line in some way, I think a degree of respect from others tends to come naturally.
In conclusion, instead of stressing yourself out about how to be an “alpha male” and “what to say when a woman says this” or “what to do when a woman does that” stuff that you might see all over the internet and the manosphere, keep it simple and just have self respect. Don’t put up with any behavior or with being talked to in any way that is disrespectful to you or makes you feel bad, even if you have to walk away from them regardless of how “hot” they are. Tolerating disrespect, even if it’s out of fear of confrontation or fear of rocking the boat, isn’t what you want to do. So try to find ways to always respect yourself, even if others try not to. If you keep respecting yourself, respect from others might naturally come around.
I recall hearing statements like “If you don’t love yourself, nobody else will love you” and all of that stuff when I was a young buck. I wasn’t sure if I quite understood the reasoning behind that idea, and I’m still not sure if I think that’s totally accurate, however, I’m starting to think that, fortunately or unfortunately, it may be true that if you don’t respect yourself, others won’t respect you either. So in all things, respect yourself and be willing to give others their DUE respect as well.
Thank you for reading and for any claps and shares. Feel free to comment your thoughts as well. Good luck and bling bling!
