Fellas, If Nothing Else, Get Respect!

You know, there is a lot of drama and discouragement between men and women these days, whether it concerns dating or just in general. If you guys are trying to navigate how to deal with women in general and attract women in particular, then I think that something that you all should know and keep in mind is that, if nothing else, get respect! For example, let’s take the whole “nice guys” and “nice guys finish last” thing and how a lot of women these days don’t even seem to know what they want in a man (non-superficially speaking) beyond the traditional qualities of providing and protecting, which are quickly becoming obsolete necessities.

However, what some women may want from men, ironically enough, are men not being “too desperate” for their approval, for giving them what they want, and probably not caring too much about their opinions of them to begin with (though a healthy balance of caring about a woman’s opinions within reason and not getting too caught up in them when it becomes detrimental to one’s own values and well-being might reasonably come AFTER a woman has proven to be worth a man’s time and/or a relationship has been established).

A wise man known as Mark Manson in his popular book “Models”, which I highly recommend, said that a man should be more invested in his own opinion of himself and what he is doing than he is invested in the opinion of a woman. That doesn’t mean to not care about what a woman has to say at all, just not to the degree that it keeps a man from living in accordance with his own values and his own understanding of what’s right and what’s best for him and in general.

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There is a difference between men’s attraction and women’s attraction that should probably be clarified. I think part of the confusion with a lot of men is that they expect women’s attraction to be similar to theirs. They may think that women place as much importance on looks, for example, as they do. Granted, some women may appreciate a nice-looking man, but that can only do so much if other things aren’t in order. Some men may talk about how women like height, finances, social status, etc. Well, here’s the thing, though that may be true for some women, it may also be those things are simply indicative of something else that’s more important to a lot of women and that actually attracts women. I’m not even talking about being a smooth talker or any of that other junk, either.

Some men talk about women being attracted to masculinity, but even that may be indicative of something else when it’s done correctly. What am I talking about? Like the title of this article says, if nothing else, get RESPECT. A lot of it can be summed up in that one word. Even if a woman doesn’t find you particularly physically attractive, if she really and deeply respects you, that goes a long way. As for the way of getting respect from women, a lot of it deals with not tolerating disrespect. Of course, you want to handle it in a good way, but either way, a lot of times it boils down to women knowing that they can’t disrespect you or treat you like you are less than.

Fortunately or unfortunately, no matter how great or nice a guy may be, a lack of respect from women, and hence a lack of sexual attraction from women, may be their real problem. It may not be their looks, height, social status, money, or otherwise. There is a quote that says something like, “If you treat a woman like a celebrity, she will treat you like a fan.” Another quote says something like “If you put a woman on a pedestal, the only direction for her to look at you is down.”

Anyway, getting a woman’s respect is important. Because regardless of how handsome you may be, etc., if a woman loses respect for you in some way, chances are, she won’t be sexually attracted to you. Go figure. So that’s a key difference between men and women’s attraction and sexuality. A man can still be sexually attracted to a woman he doesn’t necessarily respect and still have sex with her. Generally, women simply aren’t sexually attracted to men they don’t respect, even if those men are nice guys and husbands. Now the ways of going about getting a woman’s respect may vary, but one thing that women want from men can be summed up with one word that starts with an S. And it’s not sex. Sorry fellas.

The word I’m talking about is SECURITY.

Women tend to want to feel secure and feel some type of security with men in SOME form or fashion, EVEN EMOTIONALLY. There are different types of security (making a woman feel safe in some way), whether it deals with her feeling that you can protect her, provide for her, making her feel safe in your arms, making her feel safe being vulnerable with you, etc. But I think that giving a woman EMOTIONAL security may be something that is underrated and that many men largely don’t understand.

As much as women talk about men being in touch with their “feminine side” and being in touch with their emotions, and all of that stuff, if a woman feels that a man isn’t strong emotionally and, therefore, not strong enough to “handle her” and to emotionally be her rock and all of that stuff, then she may not feel secure with him. If a man is so flexible with his values, his opinions, even his very truth, that he is willing to change his stance at the slightest disagreement or disapproval from her, she may feel that she can’t really trust him. Sort of like some people may not respect or trust “people pleasers” who they claim sit on the fence and don’t want to take a stand for anything because those people tend to kiss people’s butts and are afraid to rock the boat. And I don’t even really like talking like this because I have been that person.

But anyway, this may be why some women mistreat and abuse guys who seem like decent guys, because somehow, they lost respect for them in some way and therefore aren’t that sexually attracted to them. That may be why some men end up in the friend zone (regardless of how great they may be) because they haven’t gotten the respect or, perhaps haven’t been bold enough to directly state their desires, when it comes to dealing with women.

This is why men should stick with dealing with women in their league, as mentioned in another article, so that they won’t deal with women they are intimidated by or who they feel like they have to work too hard to keep interested. If you feel like you have to work too hard to keep her and you are afraid of losing her to an extremely high degree, especially if she is someone you haven’t been dating very long or don’t know very well, that may already put you in a losing position that may cause her to lose respect for you, that may cause her to think that you don’t have many (or any) other options, etc. It may suck, but IF it’s true, then it is what it is. May as well know what it is and learn to operate with it (or at least accept it) instead of living in denial or being angry about it.

Now, when it comes to how you should conduct yourself, think about how you deal with other men or even women you’re not particularly attracted to. Do you pander to them? If you are an all around people pleaser who just wants to be liked by everyone in general, maybe. Or if you are simply afraid of some other men because they are dangerous, bigger than you, funnier than you (in that they can roast you badly in front of people, especially women), etc., you might pander to them a bit more. But if those two things aren’t a factor, chances are, you don’t pander to other men or women you aren’t that attracted to very much and you probably don’t tolerate disrespect as much. At least, hopefully you don’t.

So you have to have that same attitude and mentality towards EVERYONE, regardless of how hot you think they are. Don’t beg for anybody to like you and don’t change yourself, especially your core values, in order for someone to like you either. If you like a woman, put it out there directly. If she doesn’t like who you are in return, don’t try to change who you are for her, just know that you two simply aren’t compatible for whatever reason, even if you did only want a casual or sexual relationship with her. Carrying yourself in that way may cause women to respect you, and having a woman’s respect seems to be a KEY INGREDIENT for a woman being sexually attracted to a man in general.

You know, believe it or not, sometimes women actually know when they are wrong. They may know if they were being overly emotional, acting out, being disrespectful to you because they were having a bad day, were mad about something else and took it out on you, etc. Unfortunately, they may only admit it if you stick to your guns and call them out on their behavior, not even disrespectfully, but directly nonetheless, regardless if they decide to pout for a couple of hours or so after that.

Eventually, they might come around and come to their senses and admit it or even apologize if they were really wrong. However, if you apologized to them, even if you hadn’t done anything wrong (and they know it) and continued to ask if they were “mad at you”, what can you do to “make it up to them”, etc., even if they eventually realize they were wrong, unfortunately, they may still lose respect for you and think something along the lines of “Is he THAT desperate not to lose me to let me get away with that kind of behavior? What else does he let people get away with in his life?”

Again, I don’t like having to talk like this because I’ve been that guy who sent text messages asking if a woman was mad at me and all of that junk (even if I felt that I hadn’t done anything wrong), just because I hadn’t been hearing back from her or whatever.

So try to understand, RESPECT TRUMPS ALL! F*** trying to get people to like you. Either they will or they won’t. Some people won’t like you NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO. Still, in those cases, it’s better to pick the lesser of two evils. It’s better to have some people not like you, yet respect you (or to at least think twice before disrespecting you), than it is to have people not like you AND not respect you. In fact, I would even go so far as to say it’s better to have someone dislike you, but respect you, than it is to have someone to “like”, but NOT respect you!

So if you don’t remember anything else, remember that respect trumps all and realize that, fortunately or unfortunately, many women would rather deal with (and are more sexually attracted to) a bad guy that they respect than a seemingly good guy that they don’t. In fact, some women may even cheat on a seemingly good guy who, for whatever reason, they don’t respect that much, with a bad guy who they know isn’t that great (morally speaking), but who they respect.

See, a lot of you guys have been going about it all wrong with it comes to trying to attract women. You may think that just because men’s attraction to women is largely looks-based, that women’s attraction to men is also largely looks-based (or money-based, height-based, etc.). You have to understand that, though those things may help, no doubt, a man can have ALL of those things, yet if a woman doesn’t respect him, she may still not date him or, if she does, may still cheat on him and/or dump him eventually. Even if she doesn’t do any of those things, it might simply end up being a rather sexless relationship.

Simple advice: Yes, take care of yourself the best that you can as far as dressing well, having the right haircut, working out, getting your money right, making sure that your hygiene is on point, perhaps wearing a nice watch with nice cologne, etc. That’s all well and good and they can only help. But BEYOND that, don’t tolerate disrespect. Carry yourself well and in a way worthy of respect and that might even go further than the things listed before! No, you don’t have to get personal and go all dramatic if you feel disrespected by a woman, but you can let them know that you’re not going to tolerate that kind of treatment and, if they insist on keeping it up, that you’re not trying to deal with them. That’s important, you HAVE to be willing to walk away and a woman has to know that you mean it, whether she cares that you walk away or not.

Another example: if a woman is always asking you for money or is expecting you to always take her on expensive dates, even though she doesn’t really show you that much like or affection in return, she might be trying to play you for a sucker. This is because I feel like, truth be told, when a woman really likes and respects a man, he doesn’t have to work so hard for her time and affection. Newsflash: if you have to pay a lot for a woman to like you, then guess what? Chances are, she doesn’t like you and probably won’t ever really like you, regardless of how much you spend on her. Like I said, it’s better to be respected and disliked than to be “liked” and not respected.

Yes, as a man, you should be willing to court and do nice things for a woman that you really like, but there may be a thin line between doing that and getting reciprocated interest to where you know that it’s not in vain, and doing it for someone who isn’t really reciprocating interest at all and who more than likely is just using you or bored or something. For those people, feel free to let them know that you’re not going for it. If they try to manipulate you by calling you broke or whatever, you can simply say something like, “Oh well, I’ll be that, but I’d rather keep whatever change I have in my pocket than spending it on you, because this isn’t working out. At least we both know that you can go out and get your own meals and make your own money, so go forth and be great.” Or whatever.

One last thing about respect. You shouldn’t necessarily seek respect. I know that may sound contrary to a lot of what I just said, but hear me out. You generally can’t demand respect from other people. There are probably some people in the world who, fortunately or unfortunately, won’t EVER respect you (as a person) no matter what you do. However, that being said, what you should seek is to not allow anyone to DISRESPECT you. There is actually a difference between someone simply not respecting you as a person and someone actually disrespecting you. For example, I’m a black male. I’m aware that there are some people in the world with a white trash, white supremacist mentality who simply don’t respect Black people as people, as being their equals, or whatever other idiocy they may choose to think in order to soothe their own insecurities. So with that thought process, obviously, they may never respect Black people.

That being said, even though black people can’t force white people and their minions to respect us and our humanity, we can still carry ourselves in a way to where they may think twice about blatantly disrespecting us (such as doing things that deliberately crosses our boundaries, etc.) So you don’t need people to respect you per se, but seek to enforce your own boundaries to let them know not to cross you. That’s about the best you can do. And, back to the original topic, at the end of the day, that’s the main thing a man should seek when it comes to women. You basically need to carry yourself in a way that women know that you notice any disrespect, that you have no qualms about addressing it, and that you won’t deal with it if you don’t have to.

Last but not least, respect goes both ways. Just because you don’t tolerate disrespect from women and learn to enforce your boundaries (regardless of how “hot” they are and how much you want them), that doesn’t mean that you should be disrespectful to them either.

Now, for those of you who actually made it to the end of this writing, yay! Here’s a cookie 🍪 Thanks for reading, clapping, sharing, and/or commenting. Have a wonderful day. 🙂