Actually fellas, it’s probably best to stay “in your league”, at least until…
Honestly, I never liked the term or phrase of “staying in one’s league” or the idea that someone is out of someone’s league. It reeks of the idea that someone is better than someone else, and largely based on superficial standards (looks, financial standing, etc.) at that! I’m more accepting of people saying for one to stay within one’s demographic, perhaps (which I hope to write about in this article soon enough), but the whole leagues talk seems to give the implication that some people are inherently better than others… and I’m not a fan of that kind of thinking. Go figure.
So why would I make an article titled like this? Well, from a mental health perspective, I think it might be better for men to stay in their “leagues”, just not in the way that is commonly understood and not for the reasons that are commonly claimed (such as simply not being good enough, for example).
Now what do I mean that men should stay “in their leagues” from a mental health perspective (that is, for the sake of their own mental health)? Well, fortunately or unfortunately, some men might not be able to handle so-called hot women or the problems that tend to come with them, perhaps simply due to fear, due to lack of experience, or both. But beyond the physical appearance or whatever of a woman, I think the whole “not dating a woman out of your league” thing might be better phrased as not dating a woman who you THINK is out of your league, even if only on a subconscious level. You may not think that you think a woman is out of your league, but here are some indicators that you might:
If you are dealing with a woman who constantly has you in a state of anxiousness and on edge, who you just don’t want to “say the wrong thing” around, who you temper yourself too much around because you don’t want to offend her or “make her mad”, who you feel that you have to walk on egg shells around and feel stifled around, who you feel that you absolutely HAVE to be on your A-game with at all cost, otherwise you fear that she might leave you if you ever fall off just a little bit, etc., then yeah, you might at least subconsciously feel that she is out of your league. No woman should make you feel that way and you shouldn’t feel that way around any woman. However, if you DO, to the point that, basically, you’re the weaker entity in the relationship because you care too much, that’s not good, and you should probably get away from her as fast as you can.
Now, some women may not want to hear this, but it seems that a common truth of the matter is this: women generally aren’t attracted to guys who they feel are “less than them”, for lack of a better phrase. Some say that women tend to “date up” while many men tend to date down. Don’t get caught up in thinking that this “dating up” thing is based on money or looks (though such things could be indicators). Rather, it’s more based on how a man carries himself and how little invested he is in having her VALIDATION.
This may be a subconscious reason why some women like so-called bad boys and so forth because, quite frankly, a lot of times those bad boys simply don’t give a damn. They don’t put those women on a pedestal, they do whatever they do regardless of whether or not those women “approve” of them, etc.
Ironically, those kind of things are what many women find attractive, contrary to the popular nice guy belief that women want a guy to appease them, to never “make them mad”, to say and do all the right things, to always agree with them, and to do whatever they can to be LIKED by those women.
So if there are women who you feel that you have to do a whole song and dance for just to keep them around and to get them to like you (due to constantly being scared of losing them or “doing something wrong”), they might be “out of your league” (at least in your own mind). In that case, what you need to do is deal with women who, fortunately or unfortunately, you’re a lot more comfortable with because you are a lot less invested in what they think of you. They are probably more “in your league.”
Side note: I said “less” invested, I didn’t say not invested at all. A wise man known as Mark Manson wrote a book called “Models” that I highly recommend. It’s probably the best dating book I’ve read.
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In it, he claimed that men need to be vulnerable with women (as in, being TOTALLY HONEST AND UPFRONT about their desires and intentions with those women) while not being too invested in the outcome! In other words, he was basically saying that men should be honest about who they are and what they want without being too invested in whether or not a woman will reject them. See it like going to Walmart and having a taste for Cinnamon Toast Crunch (it’s a great cereal). Yes, having a box would be great, but if that Walmart is out of it, it probably wouldn’t ruin your day. That’s the amount of emotional investment you should have in women that you aren’t already in a serious relationship with.
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Anywho 🙂 in the book that I mentioned above, he said that not being too invested in a woman’s opinion doesn’t mean that you don’t care at all (especially if it’s a woman you are in a relationship with and who you actually like) but, rather, it just means that you are more invested in YOUR opinion of yourself and your ideas than you are of hers (or anybody else’s for that matter). In other words, it’s to never put anyone else’s opinions or validation above your own.
In any case, as much as I also don’t care much for the term “high-value men”, it may serve a purpose if one looks at it PROPERLY. And, contrary to popular and incel belief, it doesn’t have so much to do with finances, looks, and status as it probably does with MENTALITY. A “broke” man with a high-value mentality might actually do better with women than a financially well-to-do man who isn’t bad looking, but who doesn’t have a high value mentality, the mentality being the one that we described as not pandering to women and kissing their butts so much out of a desperate need for their validation and fear of losing them.
It seems that some women see men who are too scared to lose them, especially in the early stages of dating, as being men who must be of low value, because if they are that scared, they must not have many (or any) other options. And whether or not women will admit it, a lot of them seem to be more attracted to men who they know that other women want. So if they feel that a man is clinging on to them for dear life because he at least ACTS like he doesn’t have any other options and can’t live without them, that might turn them off.
I recall watching a video of a man whose channel is known as Alpha Male Strategies and he talked about an incident in a club he was a bouncer or something at that involved P. Diddy. He said that a woman, an attractive waitress that worked at the club, tapped P.Diddy on the shoulder in order to give him his tab or whatever. The guy in the video said that P. Diddy looked at her and said “Don’t touch me,” or something along those lines. So regardless of how hot the woman was, P. Diddy, obviously being a celebrity and all, couldn’t care less and carried himself in the “high value” (albeit arrogant) state of mind that some “hot” women are quite familiar with and those women understand that guys who act like that, fortunately or unfortunately, shows at least certain women that those men are indeed “high value.”
This, in addition with what was said about bad boys earlier, may be another reason why some women are so drawn to them because, psychologically speaking, those women want to gain THEIR approval in some way. It’s like, since it’s not easily given, those women want to PROVE to those men that they are good enough in some way. Perhaps sort of like how us fellas want to redeem ourselves when it comes to women that we realize we carried ourselves like simps and suckers around. 😞
But anyway, the high-value men’s mentality gives them the power because, instead of seeking the women’s approval, they have the women seeking theirs! And though some women may not want to admit it, they tend to be attracted to that type of confidence, that type of power. Many women tend to be attracted to power, strength, confidence, etc. That may be why many women aren’t attracted to the men who are “too nice” because they give their approval off the rip, often just because they think those women are “hot” (with no other standard necessary for those women to meet) and so the women don’t value their approval that much because they probably take it for granted due to how easily it was given… but that’s another lesson. 🙂
Finally, I want to talk about demographics. In that great book called Models #ad that I talked about earlier, he talked about the issue of demographics and how it is largely ignored, despite how common sense it should be. Basically, the idea was that a man could look at all of the pick up artist books in the world, learn all of the lines, etc., but if he tries to do all of that stuff in a place where the demographics aren’t right for him, where he doesn’t “fit in”, it still might not work.
For example, if there is a middle-aged or older computer nerd who works in IT, he can read books about being a pick-up artist all night, but if he goes to a club where it’s mostly college-aged girls, sorority girls, and younger, wild people who just want to have fun and aren’t thinking much about adult life because they don’t have many real world responsibilities, he can use all the lines in the world, but it still may not work because he’s out of his element! However, if he were to go to a computer conference somewhere about upcoming technologies or something, and the conference so happened to have a decent amount of women, well, that might be more his cup of tea. If he has political leanings, he may want to go to political events. If he is a charitable person, perhaps he could go to charity events. If he likes animals, maybe he could take a dog to a dog park. But a college-aged club might not be it.
And so, “dealing in one’s league” may also mean that a person needs to know what demographics they fit in with and stick with that, regardless whether or not they are attracted to people of other demographics. I recall a couple of times that I went to a goth club. Picture that. Me, a perhaps ordinary-looking black guy, going up in there. I knew some of the people though and I had some okay times there, but just because I find goth girls to be extremely hot, doesn’t mean that I should expect too much out of trying to get one.
Not saying that it couldn’t happen, it’s just that some men in general might be better off shooting for women who are probably more familiar with the type of men that THEY are.
In conclusion, fellas, until you get to the level that you are comfortable dating a woman who is supposedly a nine or a ten (lol @ ratings) (and I don’t necessarily mean on the level financially, but MENTALLY), then you need to stick with talking to whatever women you are still attracted to, but who you also aren’t scared of or too anxious to be yourselves around. Those are the women who are “in your league”, simply because you don’t put them “out of your league” in your head. Finally, keep in mind the following statements: “If you treat a woman like a celebrity, she’ll treat you like a fan” and “If you put a woman on a pedestal, the only direction for her to look on you is down.”
Share your thoughts and thanks for any claps, comments, and for sharing. Good luck and bling bling! 😁
