The Greatest Factor That Influenced Me And Helped Me Find The Courage To Come Out Of The Closet
This is one of the most common questions I get asked every time people find out that I came out of the closet at the age of 22. They want to know what gave me the strength and the courage to finally come out of the closet after living inside for so many years.
If you read the 6 stories that I published during Pride Month in 2021, you have probably noticed that I mentioned a couple of times that coming out of the closet wasn’t a single act, but it was a very long process. It was a process that started when I was a kid living in the Favelas of Brazil, and it ended in New York City when I was 22 years old.
If you read my stories today, you will see that so many things helped me understand my feelings and figure out what I should do about them. I went from hiding who I was to finally embracing my true self and allowing myself to be who I’m supposed to be. As you all have read (and if you haven’t yet, I highly encourage you to do so), you saw that it wasn’t an easy ride.
Every day, hundreds of members of the LGBTQIA+ community die in Brazil due to hate crimes. Brazil is a very religious and homophobic country, and when I lived there I had a really hard time finding my way out. I had always known I’m gay, but I had never dared to come out and live my truth. Though I had my beliefs confronted multiple times and had found some little support here and there, I felt weak. I felt hopeless. I felt like I couldn’t make it. So, as the years passed and I got older, I always looked for ways to fight this huge fear of mine.
As you all have read (and if you haven’t yet, I highly encourage you to do so), you saw that it wasn’t an easy ride. Every day, hundreds of members of the LGBTQIA+ community die in Brazil due to hate crimes. Brazil is a very religious and homophobic country, and when I lived there I had a really hard time finding my way out. I had always known I’m gay, but I had never dared to come out and live my truth. Though I had my beliefs confronted multiple times and had found some little support here and there, I felt weak. I felt hopeless. I felt like I couldn’t make it. So, as the years passed and I got older, I always looked for ways to fight this huge fear of mine.
Living in the closet is a very sad thing. If you suspect somebody is gay and they are in the closet, don’t make fun of them. Don’t ask them if they are gay in front of others. Don’t make them feel uncomfortable. It is a very dark and depressing period of our lives, and I know how much it hurt to hide who I truly was. Because of the religious and homophobic culture, I was a part of, I learned to hate myself. I learned to call myself ugly, abomination, sinner, loser, dangerous, ungodly creep, devil, and even unworthy of love. Society played a role in my life, and it made me put myself down in a way I thought I wasn’t worthy of dignity, love, and even life.
All that toxic environment was hurting my mental health and making me believe in all those lies. I thought I was ugly and I thought I wasn’t going to be loved by a woman. I knew deep inside that if I’d marry a woman, she’d find out I’m gay. It was crystal clear that this toxicity wasn’t coming from me. It was external. It was the environment. It was the people, the culture, the country. So, like any other toxic environment you’re in, it caused harm to my wellbeing, mental health, and soul. I knew I deserved better. I deserved to live freely. If living in the closet made me feel so unsafe, imagine being out of the closet in this harmful culture? I would have lost my mind.
It didn’t take much for me to understand that if I wanted to be free, I’d have to leave that toxic culture. In 2018 (when I was 22) I needed help. I needed help to come out of the closet and be myself. So, leaving my country was my only choice. Traveling abroad was the greatest factor that gave me the strength to decide to come out of the closet.
When I moved to New York City in 2019, I met so many people from all over the world who had lived a very similar story. People who were only able to come out when they left their toxic culture, and country.
The fact that you’re alone in a country that is more LGBTQIA+ friendly is very powerful. It can give you the strength and the courage you need to safely come out of the closet. NYC has the largest LGBTQIA+ community in the world. So, I had the chance to connect myself with those who had lived a similar life to me and have them support me in my decision. This is so empowering.
It is empowering because you’re able to explore yourself and your feelings in a way you wouldn’t if you were still living in a toxic and homophobic country. You are free to do whatever you want to do because you don’t have anybody else to please. And not only that, but you’re able to put out your best version because you don’t normally experience judgment and discrimination. Leaving your toxic family and friends will help you a lot. Leaving your homophobic hometown and country is a life savior. Because you will be leaving the typical normal you grew up in. And you will be able to develop yourself as an individual and grow in ways staying home just wouldn’t do.
After I learned that my environment played a huge role in how I felt, what I thought, how I carried myself, who I hung out with, what I cared about, and what I did, I realized I was becoming just one more toxic person who was going to hide myself forever. Once I switched my environment, I switched my focus. My focus went from hiding who I was to being who I’m truly supposed to be. I started to make friends who accepted me for who I was, and that allowed me to find a new family.
So, if you’re still in the closet, hey! I SEE YOU! AND I VALUE YOU. I respect you. I know what you’re going through and I know it ain’t easy. But, please. Don’t do that to yourself anymore. You are deserving of love, care, affection, respect, and freedom. You deserve to love who you want to without having to explain who you are to people. And though it can be sad that our home country isn’t what it should be, there’s not much you can do.
You can’t change the country you live in, but you can change the country you live in. Move out of your hometown. Go and live in another country, state, or in a town that is more accepting of the beauty that there is within you. It won’t be easy, but it will be better than having to do it in a toxic, religious, and homophobic environment. It’s about time for you to start living your truth unapologetically.
Thank you so much for reading my article today. If you haven’t read the other stories I published during pride month, don’t forget to do so.
Article #1: What Was It Like To Live In The Closet For 22 Years?
Article #2: So, I Came Out Of The Closet…
Article #3: Three Challenges I Often Face As A Gay Man
Article #4: I Still Don’t Get It…
Article #5: 6 Things I Hate To Hear From Straight People
Article #6: Why And How THE COLOR PURPLE Made Me Comfortable With Being Gay
