Why And How THE COLOR PURPLE Made Me Comfortable With Being Gay

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m an opera singer and musical theater obsessed. Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve always loved to sing and listen to classical music, and songs from the greatest musicals. If you take a look at my playlist on Spotify, you’ll see what I’m talking about. It’s mostly this genre. So, growing up with this huge passion, one of my biggest dreams was to live in New York City. I knew that by living in the city, I’d be able to watch at least one Broadway show per month. When I came to the States for the first time, I did all I could to be able to see as many Broadway shows as possible. I saw The Lion King, Aladdin, The Phantom Of The Opera, Wicked, Finding Neverland, and so many others. My friends would spend their money on food and clothes, while I would spend it all on traveling and Broadway shows. During my second year in the U.S., I heard of a show called The Color Purple. At that time, my favorite show was Finding Neverland. I saw Matthew Morrison perform right in front of me, and I was so inspired. He is one of the most talented artists I’ve ever seen perform live.

When I heard of the show The Color Purple, I didn’t hesitate to see it. I didn’t know much about Cynthia Erivo, but I was (and I still am) super obsessed with Jennifer Hudson. I hadn’t watched the movie yet. I didn’t want to watch it before seeing the show. So, I bought the book and said to myself I’d read it right after I saw the show. During that year, I wasn’t out of the closet yet. I was still figuring myself out and slowly starting to accept myself as a gay man.

I bought the tickets, went to the theater, and saw the show for the first time. I could not believe what I was seeing. The first 30 minutes had already blown me away. Cynthia Erivo is a goddess. The way she interpreted Celie touched me so profoundly. The way she stood on that stage inspired me not only as an actor but as a gay man as well. When the show ended, I felt a connection that I still have a hard time describing today. As soon as I got back home, I checked when the next show was going to be. I could not see that show only once. I had to do it again. So that’s what I did. I had the honor to see Cynthia Erivo and the incredibly talented cast perform 3 times in that same year. After seeing the show, I read the book, watched the movie, and the show simply became a part of who I am. Every time I get to talk about musical theater, I make sure I talk about The Color Purple. It is my number one favorite show. It changed my life and it made me feel so comfortable with the fact that I am gay. It gave me the strength I needed to come out of the closet.

What’s The Color Purple about?

This musical adaptation of Alice Walker’s Pulitzer prize-winning novel spotlights Celie. It tells the unforgettable story of a woman who, through love, finds the strength to triumph over adversity and discover her unique voice in the world. Featuring jazz, ragtime, gospel, African music, and blues, The Color Purple is a story of hope, a testament to the healing power of love, and a celebration of life.

Celie is a young black woman living in rural Georgia with her sister, Nettie. She gets pregnant for the second time at only 14 years old, and the local church Ladies gossip a lot about her. Celie was raped and constantly abused by her father. He gives away her babies and then gives her away when Mister comes around looking for a wife. Celie marries Mister, becomes estranged from Nettie. She also gets abused by Mister. Mister is a cruel husband who berates Celie constantly, treats her like a servant. Then, she meets the real object of Mister’s affection: the glamorous singer Shug Avery. At first, though, Shug is treated as an almost antagonistic force. She calls Celie ugly upon their first meeting. Then, their relationship starts to grow and change until Celie finds love in her.

I wasn’t expecting The Color Purple to be a lesbian story at all. Among the thousands of lessons that we can take away from the story, the fact that she was able to see beauty in herself by allowing herself to fall in love with another woman is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. And not only that, but the way she was able to start to heal after she got closer to Shug is so inspiring. It’s also so incredible to see that even though Celie was from the church, she still allowed herself to love Shug.

Alice Walker left no doubt that there was a romance between Celie and Shug.

“She say, I love you, Miss Celie. And then she haul off and kiss me on the mouth.

Um, she say, like she surprise. I kiss her back, say, um, too. Us kiss and kiss till us can’t hardly kiss no more. Then us touch each other.”

Though Shug and Celie’s relationship isn’t perfect, Shug is one of the only people who truly see Celie for the beauty and greatness that she is capable of. So, Celie finds comfort in Shug. She starts to see beauty in herself after spending time with her. She finds love and comfort. The love between Celie and Shug is restorative for Celie. It’s the first time she has sex that is loving and consensual.

Why the musical gave me the strength to come out of the closet and be myself

I’m Here

The song I’m Here is an anthem for so many people, including myself. The reason why it speaks so much to me is that it showed me that I am beautiful the way I am (gay) and there’s nothing wrong about it. And That I’m Here, meaning: I ain’t going nowhere. I’m not changing who I’m supposed to be because of the religious and homophobic pressure that there is upon the LGBTQIA+ community.

The song starts with: “I don’t need you to love me”. When I came out of the closet, I thought I’d need my friends and family member’s approval. But I was wrong. I don’t need them to love me. I don’t need their approval to be gay. I don’t depend on them. Because I love myself. The way the song goes is so incredibly well thought out. It starts with “I don’t need you to love me” and it continues with all the reasons why Celie doesn’t need Shug or anybody else to love her.

“I’ve got my sister, I can feel her now She may not be here, but she’s still mine I know– I know she still love me Got my children, I can’t hold them now They may not be here, but they still mine I hope They know I still love them

Got my house, it still keep the cold out Got my chair when my body can’t hold out Got my hands doing good like they s’posed to Showing my heart to the folks that I’m close to”

This is so powerful! When I thought of the friends and family members who supported me, and when I reminded myself of my worth and the love I have for myself, I had the strength to say to those homophobic friends and family: “I DON’T NEED YOU TO LOVE ME” There’s not a part of this song that doesn’t speak to me. Every single verse touches every fiber of my being.

“I’m gonna take a deep breath Gonna hold my head up Gonna put my shoulders back And look you straight in the eye I’m gonna flirt with somebody As they walk by. I’m gonna sing out. Sing out”

When I came out of the closet, or when I was afraid to come out of the closet and I had homophobic people put me down, I’d think of these lyrics. And I’d sing them out. I will hold my head up, and I will look you straight in the eye to tell you what you should know about me:

“I believe I have inside of me Everything that I need to live a bountiful life And all the love alive in me I’ll stand as tall as the tallest tree”

And at the end of the song, when she’s already said why she doesn’t need them to love her, she finishes the song so beautifully. She reminds herself of her beauty, and her worth. And this is why I didn’t need anybody to love me or to approve of me being gay. And for anyone who says that gay men aren’t beautiful, that we are an abomination, and that there’s everything wrong about us, I have a little something to say:

“But most of all, I’m thankful for Lovin’ who I really am

I’m beautiful Yes, I’m beautiful And I’m here”

I am beautiful and I am here. There is beauty in being gay. There’s nothing wrong with us. We are beautiful and we are proud of our beauty. I am thankful for loving who I really am. And I am gay.

The Color Purple Reprise

This song is so special to me. There are so many things about it that I could talk about for years and years and years and still not be able to fully describe how I feel. The lyrics touch my heart in a way that I can’t put into words.

“God is inside me and everyone else That was or ever will be I came into this world with God And when I finally looked inside

I found it Just as close as my breath is to me”

Although the religious and homophobic society says otherwise, I strongly believe that there’s nothing wrong about being gay. It’s not a choice. We’re born this way. The way she starts off the song by saying “God is inside me and everyone else” really moves me. It’s not because I’m gay, or because Celie had a lesbian experience in The Color Purple that God isn’t inside us. God is indeed inside me, and he loves me for who I am. When she says: “I came into this world with God” reminds me of the fact that I know I was born this way, which means that when I was born gay, God was already living inside me. Growing up at church was really hard. I was constantly taught that being gay is wrong and that I am an abomination to the world, and to God. However, The Color Purple taught me to embrace this identity of mine, and be comfortable with it. The Color Purple showed me that God is inside me (a gay man)as well as He is inside you (a straight person).

“Rising (rising) (rising) Like the sun Is the hope that sets us free”

And when we know the truth, we know that the truth will set us free. After coming out of the closet and receiving so many attacks from so many homophobic people, I needed to rise. I needed to rise like the sun and shine as bright as I could because I am meant to be gay. And though many tried to put me down, I was able to lift my head and rise. I rose during the chaos, insecurity, lack of support, homophobia, religious influence. I rose and shone like the sun. And by doing that, I was set free.

“It take a grain of love (grain of love) To make a mighty tree (mighty tree) Even the smallest voice (smallest voice) Can make a harmony (harmony)

Like a drop of water (drop of water) In the river high (river high) There are miracles (there are miracles) For you and I (For you, and you and I)”

Even the smallest voice can make harmony. This is so powerful. There are miracles, for you and me. The biggest miracle that happened in my life was to be born again. To embrace my identity as I should have. I came out of the closet and started to be myself, and that was the biggest miracle. I wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t found strength. And I found so much strength in this musical. It inspired me so much and it showed me that all my insecurities existed because I wasn’t being myself. I lived in the closet for 22 years, and I was unhappy. There are miracles…

“Like the color purple Where do it come from? Now my eyes are open Look what God has done”

This is my favorite part of the song. When they sang: “Now my eyes are open, look what God has done” I couldn’t stop crying. Look what God has done: A gay man. A man who is proud to be gay. A man who knows that God loves him no matter what. A gay man that understands that any kind of discrimination comes from people, and not from God. After I started to live my truth unapologetically, my eyes were open. And now I can see. And you should be able to see it too. Look what God has done.

I am forever thankful for the amazing opportunities I had to see this show. I saw it on Broadway four times. 3 times on Broadway, and one time in 2020 when it went on tour. It changed my life, and it inspired me in so many ways. And the way it inspired me the most was to understand that there’s power in love and that if I love another man, God is still inside me. Thank you to everyone who contributed to the creation of The Color Purple. Thank you Alice Walker for making it a Lesbian love story. I’m grateful for the cast, the writers, producers, musicians, and everyone who made this musical possible. I am who I am today because of The Color Purple.

“Look what God has done”

Thank you so much for reading my story today. Don’t forget to check my other stories out during Pride Month.

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