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ave a sense of humor, get that across in what you write, not your picture.</p><p id="2714" type="7">“A stunning first impression was not the same thing as love at first sight. But surely it was an invitation to consider the matter.” — Lois McMaster Bujold.</p><p id="5613">You can make your photo’s interesting without making yourself look unattractive. One of my profile pictures was of me with a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dalek">Dalek</a> as I like sci-fi, and my partner loved it. One guy I dated had a picture of himself with a skeleton. He was a biology teacher. The photo was funny.</p><figure id="22a9"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*X7fenaDCjWRXkJyG"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@enginakyurt?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">engin akyurt</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="5386">Make sure your photo is recent. There is nothing worse than meeting someone whose photo is so old that they have gone grey in the interim. Your main profile picture should present an accurate representation of what you look like now. If you want to put in some older images, make sure you use a caption to state the date.</p><p id="4a77">Usually, on a date, I was told that I looked like my photos followed by stories about women who used old pictures, or in one instance, a friend’s picture. One time I did slip up. I’d taken a picture of myself in the bathroom mirror, and I looked fantastic. I am not usually photogenic, I have no idea how I did it, but it was an impressive picture.</p><p id="9056">At that time, I was on a couple of dating sites, so I put it up on all of them. What I forgot was that on one of the sites, there was only one picture. Dressed in my Sunday best, I arrived at the date and was treated to a litany of insults about how I looked. I turned on my heel and left.</p><p id="7006">Take care that your photos represent who you really are. If your photo shows you with a lot of makeup, hair done to salon perfection, and manicured nails, that is what your date will expect. And vice versa.</p><p id="cb9c">Similarly, for men, if your photos show you clean-cut, in a suit, and you turn up with long hair, a beard, shorts, and sandshoes, your date might not be pleased.</p><p id="568e" type="7">“It’s one thing to make a picture of what a person looks like, it’s another thing to make a portrait of who they are.”</p><p id="16b0" type="7">— Paul Caponigro</p><p id="e588">If you do meet someone and they don’t look like their photo, please be polite. We are all in the same boat when dating: Hopeful and looking for that special someone. So don’t be a dick. Be polite, have a cup of tea with them and then send a message later to say you don’t think you are suited as a couple.</p><p id="4e92">That’s what I did. On many occasions, the man’s photo was so different from how they actually looked they were unrecognizable. My heart sank when I saw them, but I was always polite and pleasant.</p><p id="2318">I chatted for an hour or so over coffee and then sent a polite dear john text when I got home. Manners are free. It’s not clever to hurt someone’s feelings.</p><p id="525c">If you are a woman, think about what sort of relationship you are looking for. If you put up overly sexual pictures, you may attract men who want a quick fling and scare off those who want a relationship. Think about the image you want to portray.</p><figure id="7d12"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*oLPNZ368uGsMC3bj"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@preghat03200?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Donovan Grabowski</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="b749">It’s not only your face that matters. Provide a variety of pictures so that your target person can see your face, but also your body. Some people are very fussy about weight or size.</p><p id="2de6">Why put yourself in a situation where you meet someone who has fixed views about the body size they want, and you are not it? They won’t change their mind, and you will be wasting your time.</p><p id="3310">On a date with one man, he criticized a phot

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o because I wore a sweater, and he thought my boobs looked too big. Well, they are big. That’s what my body is like. Should I cover them up? No. And that’s what I told him. Needless to say, I didn’t see him again.</p><p id="2217">Do you need a photo at all? This is a resounding yes. You are on a dating site looking for someone to be intimate with: Attraction is involved. You are not looking for a friend; you are looking for a date.</p><p id="fa73">According to the <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2020/02/14/shareable-facts-about-americans-experiences-with-online-dating/">Pew Research Center</a>, 71% of people on an online dating site thought having a profile picture was necessary.</p><p id="ef44">If you don’t have a photo, people may not message you or contact you. People want to know what they are getting. When I first started dating, I would respond and ask for a photo; they had seen me after all.</p><p id="226a">The picture would arrive, and I’d be disappointed as it would be someone I wasn’t attracted to. I then had to say I didn’t want to meet, based on their looks. No-one wants to read that message.</p><p id="c29f">After dating for a while, when men contacted me without a photo, I tried to explain why they needed one. I got outraged messages back saying I should be looking at their personality instead of their looks. So I stopped trying to help people and let them go about their dating clueless and picture free.</p><p id="8624">If you decide to ignore my advice, that’s OK. But don’t be surprised if someone you have invested some time in doesn’t want to meet you once you send your picture.</p><h1 id="3b3e">Final thoughts</h1><p id="adc7">Look at taking a good profile picture as an investment in your future. I used to get my daughter to take mine. She would take about a hundred, and I selected the ones I liked. If you are invested in meeting someone, take the time to maximize your chances of success.</p><p id="2dd7">In summary:</p><ul><li>Take clear, well-lit pictures</li><li>Choose a head shot for your main picture</li><li>Present yourself well, so you look your best</li><li>Only put up recent pictures for your main profile</li><li>If you put up older photos, include a date caption</li><li>Have a selection of pictures so people can see all of you</li><li>Make sure your pictures represent how you are in everyday life</li><li>Whatever your body shape, don’t try to hide it</li><li>Have a tidy background if the photo is in your house</li><li>No fish, cars, or boats</li></ul><p id="075d"><a href="https://readmedium.com/five-reasons-you-need-to-know-your-values-and-goals-before-looking-for-love-da52918bbf56">Knowing your goals</a> before you pick a life partner is important. <a href="https://artisanal-inventor-759.ck.page/wendy-scotts-newsletter">Click here</a> to receive a free goal planner to help you with your personal, career and relationship goals. You’ll also get new dating articles delivered straight to your inbox every week together with new leadership and training articles.</p><div id="e870" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/avoid-these-4-online-dating-mistakes-a475b8766743"> <div> <div> <h2>Avoid These 4 Online Dating Mistakes</h2> <div><h3>I made them so you don’t have to</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*nTtxje6ekTJ4VSOZcrSGNg.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="f1ac" class="link-block"> <a href="https://wendyscottfromauckland.medium.com/why-i-swapped-dinners-for-coffees-on-first-dates-920639df7b22"> <div> <div> <h2>Why I Swapped Dinners for Coffees on First Dates</h2> <div><h3>It’s quicker, safer, cheaper and less awkward</h3></div> <div><p>wendyscottfromauckland.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*TSS8Ss3X1QulHSrF)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Dating | Relationships | Singles | Online Profile

How to Take a Winning Online Dating Profile Photo

Get your photos right and half the battle is won

If you are new at dating, creating a profile can be daunting. What photo do you use? How do you create a profile with relevant information without compromising online security? How do you attract the sort of person you want to meet?

Writing a dating profile can be stressful, especially after plucking up the courage to try online dating at all. I know people who are still nervous about going online, even though they have seen others meet a partner on a dating site. It’s important to believe you can date and that dating is your new persona.

Online dating does work. I met my partner online and according to research, so did 12% of Americans. And it’s not a new thing. In 1965 Operation Match attracted 8000 users who completed questionnaires processed by a computer to make matches for a first date.

I certainly found the whole thing very scary at first. It’s like anything else though, once you get used to it, it’s easy. Arguably, your photos are the most critical component of your profile, especially the main profile picture.

When we are choosing a potential date, we think looks matter. However, we tend to believe it should all be about personality when someone is picking us.

Newsflash: Whoever you are, your target audience on the dating site don’t know you and will judge you on your main profile photo. If people like what they see, they will read your profile. If they don’t like your main picture, it doesn’t matter if what you have written is worthy of a literary award. Like in the movies, if you make a bad first impression, it stops right there.

“In the movies first impressions are everything. Or, to put it less drastically, in the movies there are no later impressions without a first impression, because you will have stopped watching.” — Clive James.

You can upload several photos onto a dating site. One of these will be your main profile photo, which should provide a clear, well-lit head shot. Ask someone to take some pictures of you, just for your dating profile. Make sure the lighting is good, and look at what is in the background. If your house is messy, either tidy it up or take the photo against a wall.

If you are a man, please don’t upload pictures of you holding a fish or standing in front of your car or boat. We can’t see your face and don’t care about the fish. If you like fishing, put in your profile that you would like to meet someone to share your hobby.

In my experience, women take more time on their photos. Women’s photos have nice makeup, hair, and clothes, with good lighting and a tidy background. I know this because I regularly checked out the competition.

In contrast, I’ve seen some terrible pictures of men: Scruffy men who could do with a shave and a haircut, Catweazle look-a-likes, and men pulling unattractive faces. If you are tempted to poke out your tongue, cross your eyes, or put straws up your nose, please don’t.

Your prospective date is assessing you as a sexual partner, not a clown. If you have a sense of humor, get that across in what you write, not your picture.

“A stunning first impression was not the same thing as love at first sight. But surely it was an invitation to consider the matter.” — Lois McMaster Bujold.

You can make your photo’s interesting without making yourself look unattractive. One of my profile pictures was of me with a Dalek as I like sci-fi, and my partner loved it. One guy I dated had a picture of himself with a skeleton. He was a biology teacher. The photo was funny.

Make sure your photo is recent. There is nothing worse than meeting someone whose photo is so old that they have gone grey in the interim. Your main profile picture should present an accurate representation of what you look like now. If you want to put in some older images, make sure you use a caption to state the date.

Usually, on a date, I was told that I looked like my photos followed by stories about women who used old pictures, or in one instance, a friend’s picture. One time I did slip up. I’d taken a picture of myself in the bathroom mirror, and I looked fantastic. I am not usually photogenic, I have no idea how I did it, but it was an impressive picture.

At that time, I was on a couple of dating sites, so I put it up on all of them. What I forgot was that on one of the sites, there was only one picture. Dressed in my Sunday best, I arrived at the date and was treated to a litany of insults about how I looked. I turned on my heel and left.

Take care that your photos represent who you really are. If your photo shows you with a lot of makeup, hair done to salon perfection, and manicured nails, that is what your date will expect. And vice versa.

Similarly, for men, if your photos show you clean-cut, in a suit, and you turn up with long hair, a beard, shorts, and sandshoes, your date might not be pleased.

“It’s one thing to make a picture of what a person looks like, it’s another thing to make a portrait of who they are.”

— Paul Caponigro

If you do meet someone and they don’t look like their photo, please be polite. We are all in the same boat when dating: Hopeful and looking for that special someone. So don’t be a dick. Be polite, have a cup of tea with them and then send a message later to say you don’t think you are suited as a couple.

That’s what I did. On many occasions, the man’s photo was so different from how they actually looked they were unrecognizable. My heart sank when I saw them, but I was always polite and pleasant.

I chatted for an hour or so over coffee and then sent a polite dear john text when I got home. Manners are free. It’s not clever to hurt someone’s feelings.

If you are a woman, think about what sort of relationship you are looking for. If you put up overly sexual pictures, you may attract men who want a quick fling and scare off those who want a relationship. Think about the image you want to portray.

It’s not only your face that matters. Provide a variety of pictures so that your target person can see your face, but also your body. Some people are very fussy about weight or size.

Why put yourself in a situation where you meet someone who has fixed views about the body size they want, and you are not it? They won’t change their mind, and you will be wasting your time.

On a date with one man, he criticized a photo because I wore a sweater, and he thought my boobs looked too big. Well, they are big. That’s what my body is like. Should I cover them up? No. And that’s what I told him. Needless to say, I didn’t see him again.

Do you need a photo at all? This is a resounding yes. You are on a dating site looking for someone to be intimate with: Attraction is involved. You are not looking for a friend; you are looking for a date.

According to the Pew Research Center, 71% of people on an online dating site thought having a profile picture was necessary.

If you don’t have a photo, people may not message you or contact you. People want to know what they are getting. When I first started dating, I would respond and ask for a photo; they had seen me after all.

The picture would arrive, and I’d be disappointed as it would be someone I wasn’t attracted to. I then had to say I didn’t want to meet, based on their looks. No-one wants to read that message.

After dating for a while, when men contacted me without a photo, I tried to explain why they needed one. I got outraged messages back saying I should be looking at their personality instead of their looks. So I stopped trying to help people and let them go about their dating clueless and picture free.

If you decide to ignore my advice, that’s OK. But don’t be surprised if someone you have invested some time in doesn’t want to meet you once you send your picture.

Final thoughts

Look at taking a good profile picture as an investment in your future. I used to get my daughter to take mine. She would take about a hundred, and I selected the ones I liked. If you are invested in meeting someone, take the time to maximize your chances of success.

In summary:

Take clear, well-lit pictures
Choose a head shot for your main picture
Present yourself well, so you look your best
Only put up recent pictures for your main profile
If you put up older photos, include a date caption
Have a selection of pictures so people can see all of you
Make sure your pictures represent how you are in everyday life
Whatever your body shape, don’t try to hide it
Have a tidy background if the photo is in your house
No fish, cars, or boats

Knowing your goals before you pick a life partner is important. Click here to receive a free goal planner to help you with your personal, career and relationship goals. You’ll also get new dating articles delivered straight to your inbox every week together with new leadership and training articles.