The Art of the Quickie
How to get the most out of sex on the run
Do you want to tickle your fancy with your partner, but you don’t feel like you have enough time to do the deed properly? Although many couples may think sex needs to be a whole, long production to be enjoyable, according to marriage and family psychotherapist Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, author of A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage: The Essentials for Long-Lasting Togetherness*, you can still get your itch scratched quickly if you’re short on time. I spoke to her to find out why quickies can be just as satisfying as longer lovemaking sessions and how we can get the most out of our quickies.
How would you define a quickie? How short does a sex session have to be to qualify as a quickie?
Most simply defined, a quickie is a brief moment, a shortened act of sexual intercourse. For some couples that might mean five minutes, for others 15 — it is completely dependent on myriad variables within that couple’s normal sexual life.
“A quickie may, on the surface, seem unlovingly performed and hastily accomplished.”
When should people have quickies?
Quickies are great when a couple wants to connect sexually, but finds that time and kids and work are getting in the way. But couples should take care not to let quickies become their only mode of sexual connection — and as well, be certain that you and your partner are on the same page with regard to having quickies, and how to make them loving with each other’s needs met.
Which sex positions are best for a quickie?
The best sex positions would be those in which the couple has experienced easy fulfillment of the sexual act for both partners. Whatever has worked best, positions you can count on should be your guide, ones that provide physical enjoyment for both of you. This is probably not the optimal time for trying out a new position or asking your partner for anything different.
What are some ways that couples can get the most out of their quickies?
First, have a discussion about quickies — how do you each feel about them? Share your honest thoughts to be able to get on the same page, so as not to have negative experiences. Also, understand that there will be times when a quickie just doesn’t work. It is okay and necessary to speak up if the timing is wrong, if you cannot seem to calm down any anxiety in the background, or if you are just too tired.
Often couples will have a quickie when they see a moment in which to do so, however, it can be nice to consider planning somewhat for them. For example, “we agree before our company shows up, that after they leave, we’ll pass on cleaning up and have a quickie and fall asleep.”
What are some mistakes that couples make when having quickies?
Partners have to both want a quickie. At certain times, though, each of you may “give” a quickie to the other, but there needs to be a balance of give and take over time. Another mistake is when it’s always one partner initiating. That might be fine for some couples, they understand how their sexual relationship works best and have discussed sex over the years. However, if a couple has not had discussions of sex, this would be a good time to do so, to feel okay or not about one partner always initiating.
Also, a common mistake is when couples forget to lock their bedroom door, or any room they might be using, and someone knocks and/or walks in on them.
“Couples should take care not to let quickies become their only mode of sexual connection.”
What are the most important things that couples should know about quickies?
Keep in mind that a quickie may, on the surface, seem unlovingly performed and hastily accomplished. It will not usually have much foreplay. And it may not ultimately include intercourse, but rather bringing each other to orgasm. One needs to see quickies as a small gift to each other in between more lengthy sexual activity.
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