Stop Shaming Me for Loving the Deepthroat!

There’s no right or wrong way to give a blow-job.

If performed willingly and enthusiastically between consenting adults, there’s no wrong way to have sex. Period.

I personally love to deepthroat

That doesn’t make me a circus act, a porn star, a pervert or a slut. It doesn’t make me less of a feminist, less decent or less good. It doesn’t make me less of anything!

It simply makes me a woman who likes to deepthroat.

The fact that I—or anyone else—enjoy this is perfectly fine. It makes us neither worse nor better. If you don’t like it, the same goes for you: We shouldn’t be shamed for our sexual preferences as long as they’re legal and consensual.

This is true for all sex acts: Some really love oral, and some not so much. Some are self-declared anal queens and others can’t stand it. Some are into hard, deep penetration, while others prefer it more gentle…and so on.

Whatever rocks your boat—you do you!

For god's sake, please let me do me without calling me a freakshow.

I’ve read multiple articles about the right or good way to give blowjobs, and some say that no real women like to deepthroat. The same writers claim that this is merely a porn-thing and that it’s inherently degrading.

Porn doesn't generally give us a realistic depiction of sex, and the majority of us are aware of this, but that doesn’t mean that liking some of the actions depicted in porn makes us bad.

Daring to voice our wishes and doing what we like and want to, without being ashamed of it — that’s empowering!

Intention is what separates degradation from empowerment.

What robs us of power is going along, either by doing something or not doing something, simply because we feel shameful or indecent.

Daring to voice our wishes and doing what we like and want to, without being ashamed of it—that’s empowering!

I’ve had experiences where I’ve felt more degraded engaging in the most vanilla, missionary sex-acts, simply because I wasn’t seen or listened to. On the contrary, I’ve felt astonishingly empowered while gagged and tied to the bed.

This is because it’s not the act itself that makes something degrading, but the intention behind it and how it’s done.

If we really start to really scrutinize sex many common acts can be viewed as degrading: Going down on someone in general, is seen as demeaning in certain cultures, and to some people. I know of men who feel less manly performing cunnilingus.

Opposite that, I know otherwise dominant guys who’ll happily suck on their partner’s feet without fearing that their dignity is at stake. Again, because it’s not the action but the attitude and the motive that matters.

It’s not the act itself that makes something degrading, but the intention behind it, and how it’s done.

We must stop apologizing for our likes and dislikes.

I see fellow sex writers, in favor of this quibbled act, write articles in defense of deep-throating as if it was something we ought to apologize for liking:

First, I shouldn’t even speak about it, because it’s so obvious that if I do, I must be a slut. —Octavia Morrison

I despise that writing about our sexual desires calls for a disclaimer, and I’ve often felt compelled to do the same myself; “I’m sorry for being such a floozy, but…”.

I refuse to do that! We shouldn’t have to apologize for liking what we like. Ever.

Three shameless reasons why I like to deepthroat

1. I like a good challenge.

I’m a competitive person. When I say that I don’t mean that I’m competing with anyone—except for myself. It’s not about winning. But I do love challenges. Swallowing an above-average-size cock, balls-deep, is a fun and interesting challenge to me.

Learning new things in bed, on your own terms, can boost your confidence and create added pleasure for all!

When a lover asked if I could do it, I immediately said yes, “yes, I can!”. But, upon trying we concluded that I had a way to go. This didn’t bum me out. Instead, it made me determined, not only to learn but to perfect the craft—not for him, but for myself.

Practiced I did, until what first seemed near impossible became feasible and, eventually, very enjoyable.

Learning new things in bed, on your own terms, can boost confidence and pleasure for all!

2. It creates a lot of natural lube.

Move over store-bought lube; deepthroat saliva is here take on the job.

I’m not a huge fan of most store-bought lube. It certainly has its time and place, but, personally, I find it can get sticky. If possible, I’d much rather make use of whatever’s secreted from the body. Not only is it natural — it’s free too!

The stuff that comes from deep down your throat is the most viscous lubricant you can get your hands on, and it can be applied just like how you’d use bottled lube. Additionally, because deepthroating turns me on so much, lube is usually superfluous.

3. I think it’s hot as Hades!

Listening to my lover moan while watching his eyes roll back in his head as I swallow him deeply; feeling the very back of my throat clench around the head of his cock, causing my own eyes to roll back and tears to flow down my cheeks: That’s goddamn hot to me!

There are few things more intimate than allowing ourselves to be completely raw and unhinged, and to take each other to the edge.

Not your thing? That’s fine too. To me, there are few things more intimate than allowing ourselves to be completely raw and unhinged, and to take each other to the edge — to that fine line between pleasure and pain, torment and intoxication.

While I absolutely adore sweet, gentle and calm sex as well, I crave diversity and the contrast between the highs and the lows.

Culmination

In the end, deepthroating is hot to me. It turns me on, it makes me feel sexy, and it makes my partner feel great—which in turn, makes me feel even better.

If you do, or want to do it—with a partner you trust because you both like it and want it—there’s no reason why you shouldn’t. You especially shouldn’t refrain from a sex act because you feel shamed by others who deem it indecent, just like how you should never feel pressured or guilted to do something you don’t like.

Our likes and dislikes are our own, and as long as they don’t hurt anyone, no one gets to tell us that they’re wrong.

If deepthroating is not for you, then don’t—easy as that—but, please stop slut-shaming those who do!