The Secret to Enjoying Anal Sex
It’s all about preparation
I see at least one new article about anal sex here every day, and while many are hugely informative and have opened me up to wells of new wisdom, (I’d especially like to credit Joe Duncan for his in-depth knowledge and portfolio of enlightening articles on the topic), I have yet to see one talking extensively about, what I personally deem, the most essential ingredient necessary to make anal truly pleasurable.
It’s not lube.
While that’s definitely essential too, it comes later.
It’s not about feeling comfortable with your partner.
Enthusiastic consent should be a given before any sexual act. Let’s not do anything with anyone unless we trust them and feel comfortable, respected and cared for. Period.
To me, the number one most important component to help me truly enjoy rear-end penetration is pretty basic:
It’s water.
There’s more to it than that, and I’ll get down to the dirty details towards the end, but first, let me tell you about my own experience:
My first boyfriend took both of my virginities at seventeen.
While he was nothing but gentle and considerate, number two was far less enjoyable than the first. Our biggest mistake: We didn’t prepare at all. To top it off, the ordeal happened bent over the sink, in front of a large mirror in a brightly lit bathroom. I was self-conscious in every possible way, but mostly about what would inevitably end up on that condom. Because I couldn’t get that specific thought off my mind, I was unable to relax. Needless to say, it wasn’t an enjoyable experience!
I was self-conscious in every possible way, but mostly about what would inevitably end up on that condom.
After that, I didn’t have anal sex for over a decade.
My long term partner never asked for it, and because of my less-than-pleasant introduction, I didn’t request it either.
I did nonetheless include anal play in masturbation and with the help of one of those long, smooth bullet vibrators, I engaged in my own private DP (double penetration)-sessions. With no one there to yuk me, I had no reason to worry. I simply relaxed and enjoyed.
I, therefore, knew that I enjoyed anal stimulation, and I knew that when I was relaxed and applied generous lube, I had no problem taking a fairly large piece back there, without any pain whatsoever.
After I became single for the first time in a very long time, I ended up in bed with a kinky and excentric guy who happened to love getting pegged — a lot!
The first time he came over, he excused himself to the bathroom multiple times, where I heard him running the shower and flushing the toilet. I was curious but didn’t ask.
Not owning a strap-on, I fucked him my XL-dildo—on his request. To my surprise, the guy was mellow like jello and savored it wholeheartedly — for a long-ass time. And, the ordeal was sparkling clean and scent-free.
Now I was curious and mustered the courage to ask him what he’d been doing before. He came back showing me a long, stainless steel dildo-looking shower attachment.
“Every single gay man on the planet owns one of these,” my date proclaimed proudly.
I caught on immediately. —That explained his cucumber-cool!
When the time came that I was ready to receive again, I kept my pegee’s device in mind. Being somewhat of a control freak, I don’t enjoy surprises (at least not the shitty kind), and while I’m fairly lax about bodily fluids in general, I’m a definite prude about poop.
I knew I was clean, I’d be more likely to relax.
On the contrary, if I was wasn’t, I’d tense up and not be able to enjoy myself — at all!
Every single gay man on the planet owns one of these, my date proclaimed proudly. I caught on immediately.
The anal sphincter is a strong and sensitive muscle.
It can smell your fear like a guard dog on night-call, and if it picks up any kind of tension in your body, it will clench like a clam.
There’s a reason why ‘anal-retentive’ or just ‘anal’ are terms used to describe someone compulsively seeking of order and tidiness. ‘Having a stick up one’s ass’ is another slang-term for a rigid and uptight demeanor. ‘Anal’ is synonymous with the word tense.
To really enjoy anal, you can’t be ‘anal’.
You must be the opposite, which in turn means you’ve got to be fairly ‘anal’ about your prep routine.
[The anal sphincter] can smell your fear like a guard dog on night-call. If it picks up any kind of tension in your body, it will clench like a clam.
When I got back in the game, I hadn’t acquired my own cleaning device yet. Instead, I turned the shower to the massage function and directed the spray to the best of my ability. It was a bit of an ordeal, but it worked.
Completely emptied out, and with a partner that I felt safe with, I was able to enjoy non-solo anal sex for the very first time. Instead of tensing up and thinking, Ohmygod! What if this turns into a mess, my confidence made me soft and supple.
I learned that with the sensitive sphincter no longer on high alert, it relaxes to the touch and literally invites my lover in. I later learned that this is true, regardless of penis size and girth.
I learned that with the sensitive sphincter no longer on high alert, it relaxes to the touch and literally invites my lover in.
Since then, I’ve indulged a lot.
So much so that I’ve earned the badge of anal-authority among my close circle of sexually adventurous friends. How to clean your pipes is regular powwow around my table, so I thought, why not put it in writing and share some of my insight. So, here we go:
How to prepare for anal sex:
When it comes to cleaning, it’s not enough to just use the bathroom and wash around the general area. You’ve got to really get in there.
Pick your device.
I’ve found two tools to be the most useful and can recommend the following:
The anal douche syringe. I have this one, but there are plenty of different versions and brands on the market. This device is easy to use and great to bring with you as well, especially if you don’t know if you will have access to a removable shower head. Another added bonus is that you can’t insert too much water, which can lead to a literal shitstorm. (More on that further down).
The enema nozzle. I’m not sure which one I have because it was a gift from a friend who bought a couple’s package on Amazon (…), but search online and you’ll find several versions. I recommend getting a simple stainless steel one. This tool gets the job done quickly and efficiently. It’s easy to clean, and comfortable to use, but it takes some practice.
Get ready, set…
Make sure you have at least 30 minutes and some privacy. You’ll need less time once you get acquainted with the routine, but in the beginning, you don’t want to rush it.
For both devices, get undressed and rub a small amount of lube or coconut oil around your anus. (Be careful with oil if you’re planning to use condoms immediately after as it compromises the latex!).
…and flush!
If using the syringe, unscrew it and fill it up completely under the sink, insert the tip and squeeze all of the water into your rectum. Sit down on the toilet, hold it in for a few seconds, and then release. Repeat the process until nothing but clean, odor-free water comes out. This can take from 3 to 20 times, and I personally always opt for a few extra rounds to be on the safe side.
If you’re using the nozzle, you’ll be moving between the shower and the toilet several times, so put down a towel to prevent sliding. (This is really one of those scenarios where you don’t want to end up unconscious with a concussion to be found by the ambulance personnel…or anyone else for that matter.)
Unscrew the showerhead and replace it with the nozzle. Squat down, or get in whatever position feels the most comfortable. Turn on the water to decide on the pressure you want. The stream is very concentrated, so there’s no need to go full force here. Insert the tip — only the tip, not the whole thing — turn on the water and count to five before pulling it out and turning off the water. Walk over to the toilet, sit down and let loose. Repeat until you’re cleared out and then continue to flush a few more times in the shower for that sparkly-clean feel.
A word of warning!
The counting-to-five-part is key when using the nozzle — and why the syringe is a great option to start with when you’re a noob. To understand why we have to understand the anatomy of the rectum and colon. If you let in too much water, it will push past the second sphincter and into the sigmoid, descending, transverse and finally, the ascending colon, which will stir up the previously mentioned shitstorm. This very graphic and equally helpful illustration really clarified this issue for me, and I highly recommend taking a look.
Some do prefer to go in for the full clean, and I have done it myself, both on purpose and by accident, but there’s generally no need for this unless you plan to get pounded for hours, or if you plan to have anal in several hours from the time you clean.
If you go this route, you will then have to count to at least 20, and upwards of 30 times, while adding up with water, flushing your entire colon multiple times. This procedure takes time, minimum 45 minutes, and is not always pleasant, but once you’ve made it past that door, there’s no turning back if you want to follow through with your anal plans. Your other option here is delaying the act until a later date and trying again.
Voilà — your peach is peachy clean!
You’re now so clean that you could basically do the taste sample described in this great article by traceybyfire, except you wouldn’t be tasting your vagina… I’m not saying you should — or that I do — only that you safely could if you really wanted to.
Now, throw on your favorite natural lotion, lacey lingerie, stay naked or whatever else makes you feel extra beautiful and sexy, and await your lover with newfound calm and confidence.
A few end-words…
As a proponent of proper cleaning, I acknowledge that this act won’t resolve fear or trauma on its own, or make up for a less-than considerate and mature partner. Cleaning also doesn’t eliminate the need for lubrication.
Shit happens!
While this method is fairly foolproof when performed right, there is no 100% guarantee that accidents won’t happen.
As mature adults with basic knowledge of human anatomy, we take this ‘risk’ when engaging in consensual anal-sex — or we have no business going there in the first place.
When it comes to choosing a partner for your anal exploration, I recommend making sure that beyond being someone that makes you feel completely safe, that they are the kind that, in the off-chance that misfortune hits, you’ll never even know it did. You won’t know, because they won’t say and because they’ll have it taken care of while you’re still floating somewhere in anal-euphoria land.
