Stop Getting Beaten-Down by Bad Advice (For You)
My neurodiverse friends will get this.
A couple of months ago, I published a short-form piece about your advice not being right for everyone.
Which got me thinking.
Not all advice is right for me. Nor is it for you.
As well-intentioned as it may be, some advice, while being great for others, could be downright bad for you.
What does this feel like?
Bad advice leaves you feeling more frustrated, discouraged, confused, depressed, and lost than before said “advice” entered your life.
I empathize strongly with the discouraged camp.
To be clear, when I say “bad advice,” I’m referring to advice that is bad for you as a unique individual, not that it’s bad advice in general.
Got it?
Good.
For example, early in my Medium/writing journey, I read the following piece from Michael Simmons:
As someone looking to reduce my learning curve and scale up as quickly as possible, I was captivated by his story.
Captivated by his advice.
The problem: this is horrible advice for me.
At least for right now.
See, Mr. Simmons’s advice revolves around focusing on creating blockbuster content. The type of content that is heavily researched, edited, and as deep as the Mariana Trench.
I love everything about the idea of creating this kind of content, but I’m nowhere close to achieving this myself.
Failing to misunderstand this fact could have left me feeling discouraged, frustrated, and potentially even depressed.
Which could have spiraled into me giving up on writing entirely. Meaning I never would have published over 50 pieces on Medium within three months.
Bad advice is bad news, and you need to know how to see it for yourself.
You need an advice filter
I’m constantly struggling to understand myself, something that’s further complicated by my ADHD diagnosis.
Yet, to block out bad advice, you need to actively work at getting to know yourself. Failure to do so leaves you bobbing on the sea like a shipwrecked sailor. You’re at the mercy of the current.
Before my ADHD diagnosis, I was that lifeboat-clinging 20-something who had no idea where I was going. I didn’t actually understand much about myself.
In the year since the picture has become more clear. I’ve come to learn that:
- I can only focus on things I’m profoundly interested in.
- My ability to focus has a finite lifespan before going off the rails.
- For me, writing more than 1500 word pieces is tedious.
- A piece requiring large amounts of external research is overwhelming.
All of these are reasons why Michael Simmons’s advice isn’t ideal for me.
The idea of spending multiple weeks meticulously outlining, researching, drafting, revising, and editing a story is beyond overwhelming.
Subscribing to this blueprint would subscribe me to failure.
Michael also backs up his position by relating it to Warren Buffet’s investment process. Nothing like trying to follow in the footsteps of the most prolific investor of all time.
Amirite?
This isn’t to say that Mr. Simmons’s advice will never be good for me, I just know that with where I’m currently at, I have a lot more development to do before applying his advice.
And that’s okay.
Get to know yourself
If you, like me, have become overwhelmed and discouraged by the advice (and success) of others, it’s likely because you’re viewing their advice through rose-colored glasses, not reality.
AKA — you don’t know yourself.
Getting to know yourself requires intentionality. It requires honesty.
It requires humility.
A good place to start is by paying attention to your emotions, especially the negative ones.
What makes you feel: overwhelmed, discouraged, confused, frustrated, or depressed? Take note of these feelings and work to understand why you react this way.
Embracing your negative emotions will incline you to orient your life towards what brings about positive emotions.
You’ll also learn what advice to let through your personal filter, and what advice is of no use to you at this time. The type of stuff that would only cause more harm than good.
Good advice should feel great
Earlier today I read some great advice. The type of advice that excited me so much that I want to incorporate it into my life as soon as possible.
Justin Welsh, known for his massive presence on LinkedIn and tenacious growth of online businesses, posted the following:
I love this advice because the idea is to break into an online side-hustle by starting small.
Pick a bill, expense, or splurge you want to pay for with side income, and focus on achieving that. When achieved, scale-up further.
For me, this advice is perfect. It’s approachable, tangible, and isn’t anxiety-provoking. It’s the type of advice I’d be excited to use.
And that’s how you can tell if someone's advice is right for you.
Feeling excited or motivated by advice speaks volumes, especially if those feelings last beyond a few hours or days. That’s when you know it’s the right advice for you.
It’s called self-help for a reason
Most self-help resources are just a collection of someone else’s own experiences and life lessons bundled into a neat package.
It’s a collection of advice, advice that may or may not be for you.
To make the most of self-help resources, you have to take some time to understand what help you need. Failure to do this leaves you adrift at sea without a paddle.
Self-help, while not the easy route, opens your mind to a sea of knowledge. If you learn to navigate the advice waters you can steer towards the good stuff and away from the breakers.
I believe this is why self-help gets a bad rap. The detractors say it’s a bunch of crap advice from some nobody.
Maybe they feel this way because said “crap” advice isn’t right for them.
That’s okay, there will always be naysayers.
As for you, get a grip on yourself. Filter the good advice from the bad, and put it to use in your life.
Be someone whose experiences can one day be good advice for others, even if your advice can’t be for everyone.
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