ADHD Brains Have a Problem With Passion
They’re fleeting, never ceasing, and impossible to pin down.
Yesterday my dream was to own a golf course with a popular hip café adjacent to an airport.
Today my dream is to work as a day trader from anywhere in the world while coaching others on how to do the same.
Tomorrow? Who knows.
The ADHD brain is addicted to passion, addicted to the next exhilarating interest; only for the luster to wear off before you even get started.
For example, this past Saturday I dusted off the golf clubs and hit the driving range for the first time in 2022. I hit my clubs very well by my standards.
Maybe too well.
I say this because in the days since, I’ve spent hours on YouTube, online forums, and gear websites searching for my next set of irons.
If I can finally hit my clubs this well, it’s time for me to upgrade into something new. I’m ready to break into the 80s and have my best year yet!
At least that’s what I’m telling myself.
Knowing me, this won’t be a major interest of mine come next week, and I’ll likely keep my current clubs for yet another year.
Damn you, passions and interests.
I’m not alone
The passion/interest addiction is a major point of contention for the ADHDers of the world. It’s a never-ending parade of thoughts and ideas that are intense today and an afterthought tomorrow.
For one week it might be golf.
The next, day trading.
Following that, solopreneurship.
From my brief, unscientific research, I have come to find that I’m anything but alone on this issue.
Yesterday when my desire for new golf clubs was taking over my life, I decided to google: ADHD and fleeting passions.
I am by no means a Redditor, but one thread particularly caught my attention:
“25 yrs old with ADHD. My passions and journey are CONSTANTLY CHANGING. How many can relate to this?”
I knew I had found my people.
I read all 95 comments and a few things were abundantly clear:
- All ADHDers have some sort of passion paradox.
- The struggle to combine passion with a purpose almost universally causes turmoil, both professionally and personally.
- Those who worked their passions into their daily lives did so by stumbling their way into it.
Those who contributed to the discussion got me thinking…
How do we make the passion puzzle pieces fit?
I have only thoughts, not answers, but from my personal experience and with the plight of others as a compass, the following are my best ideas.
1. Track your reoccurring passions and package them together.
This is the most pie in the sky scenario. In short, which passions keep popping up in your life? How can you combine as many of these together as possible into one profession, job, or side-hustle? Do that.
2. Wait for lighting to strike.
Ignore the fleeting passions, treat them as not being interesting enough for you. Instead, patiently wade through these passions until one eventually grasps hold of you and forces you to run with it.
3. Stop putting passion on a pedestal.
This is the most deflating, but potentially necessary solution. Accept that making passions the main part of your waking hours might not be possible. Maybe they’re best enjoyed as hobbies alongside your typical 9 to 5.
Writing that final one pains me, but it’s an important option to call out.
For some of us, our ADHD ways may not be a match for a passion-fueled career. Maybe we’ll only explore our passions through hobbies. Accepting that could bring the peace and comfort you need.
For others, not putting passion on a pedestal may be what’s needed to harbor the right conditions for option 1 or 2 to occur.
Just like those who suffer from fertility issues, sometimes pregnancy occurs soon after they stop agonizing over not being able to get pregnant. There’s a lesson in that.
It’s easy to feel isolated and misunderstood
The ADHD passion paradox showcases how difficult it can be for neurotypical people to understand their ADHD counterparts, making us feel isolated and misunderstood.
On one hand, we want career and life satisfaction to be easy. We wish we could conform with the standards of society and find joy in what’s “normal.”
On the other, the idea of living a life not tied to passion and interest is terrifying. Anything less sounds stale at best and a prison at worst.
Take for example my wife, a mental health nurse, who struggles to understand my passion plight.
I was bored to death by my job and an anxious mess because of it.
My wife’s perspective: jobs don’t need to be and often aren’t something you’re passionate about. Jobs can just be something that pays the bills.
She was and still is by no means wrong, but it’s much more complicated for someone with ADHD. Complicated enough for the neurotypical to have a difficult time understanding the inner workings of the ADHD perspective.
This is how those with ADHD can feel isolated and misunderstood, even by their closest loved ones; adding insult to the already sustained passion injury.
My wife gets it more now than ever before, so much so that she encouraged me to consider “unrealistic” jobs to expand my horizons. I’m grateful for her support and willingness to understand.
We all need more of that.
Final thoughts
I love how passionate I can be while loathing it at the same time.
Sometimes I wish I could conform to societal norms, being content with a comfortable and blessed personal life, bidding the pursuit of passion adieu.
If you made it this far in the story, my guess is you feel the same way. This leads me to ask:
Do you empathize with the Redditor and those who contributed to the discussion?
Have you succeeded in making the passion puzzle pieces fit?
Have you felt isolated or misunderstood, even by those closest to you?
The ADHD community is a creative one with unique and insightful perspectives. I have faith that many of us will complete the puzzle, snapping together our passions and interests with a purpose.
Nobody may understand how we managed to figure it out, including ourselves.
But that’s what makes fun.
That’s what makes it worth it.
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