You’re Not Failing — You’re Finding
Trade your feelings of defeat and hopelessness for confidence and optimism.
Look, I get it, you’re already familiar with all of the once wise — now cliché one-liners about failure.
I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. — Michael Jordan
Failure isn’t fatal, but failure to change might be. — John Wooden
Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly. — Robert F. Kennedy
If you read these quotes with an eye roll or scowl, I feel your pain. It’s not because they’re not good pieces of advice, they are, but they sometimes feel more discouraging than encouraging.
However, there is one quote that deserves a second look. One that can help you reframe the idea of failure into a new, approachable reality.
I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. — Thomas A. Edison
Before you exclaim, “But Jeff, I’m not freaking Thomas Edison” and skip away to the next story, I’m here to argue that there’s a relatable lesson buried within this quote available to the modern-day average joe.
Yes, a lesson applicable to you and me.
Life experiences that you currently view as failures, opting to wallow in feelings of defeat and hopelessness, should instead be viewed as a reason to have confidence and optimism as you pursue the finding of yourself.
The fallacy of failure
The word failure carries such a sting because of what it implies. It’s a word that’s associated with the negative outcomes of finality.
Think of the unfortunate situation of a failed rescue attempt; the type of headline where someone losses their life after rescuers made their best attempt to save them.
Even if lessons were learned that could save someone in the future when facing similar circumstances, it’s fair to view the outcome as a failure given the loss of life.
But be honest, when you think of yourself as a “failure,” what are the circumstances? Is the outcome finite, or simply the next step in finding yourself?
This is precisely where Thomas Edison understood something that we often fail to see.
Something I often fail to see.
Edison wasn’t failing, he was finding.
I fail (pun not intended) to apply this lesson most frequently in my career pursuits. My ADHD makes career satisfaction frustratingly elusive. I will love a job for 3 to 6 months before the honeymoon phase ends and reality sets in.
Each time I’m struggling in my current role or find myself moving on to something new, I feel like a failure. I struggle to understand why I can’t find long-lasting joy and fulfillment in my work.
My career pursuits feel like a self-fulfilling prophecy, a constant cycle of initial hope that eventually sours into hopelessness.
Can you relate?
Failure is more feeling than reality.
When you refer to yourself as a failure, you’re allowing yourself to feel the negative emotions of a situation. Failure feels like defeat and hopelessness, as if a piece of you has died for good and you’re back to square one.
Every time I come to a point of discontent in my career, I feel like I have to start all over again, that I didn’t learn anything and am ultimately going to repeat the cycle in my next role.
Break the cycle and find yourself
In those moments I allow hopelessness and defeat to set in.
Feelings of not being good enough or something being wrong with me harpoon progress and degrade my mental health.
During these periods I neglect to realize the reality of the situation; the reality being that I’m working to find myself, bringing myself closer to finding the things I’ve lamented about not yet achieving.
This cycle can be broken when you understand the reality of your situation.
Say instead of career strife, you’re suffering from one “failed” relationship after another. Each one ends with you back at square one in the constant pursuit of Mr. or Mrs. right.
It would be easy to adopt the mindset of hopeless defeat, believing that you’ll never find the one. Instead of falling prey to these feelings, flip the script; realize that you’re actually one step closer to finding your better half.
When we’re honest with ourselves, the reality of the situation is that we’re finding ourselves, not failing. We’ve learned more about what works for us, what doesn’t, and what we need to look for as we move forward.
In other words, we iterate.
Rejecting feelings of failure and accepting the confidence and optimism that comes from the continued effort to find yourself has the power to shift your entire perspective on life.
We make life hard enough as is. Be kind to yourself and accept that you aren’t failing, you’re finding.
How to make failure your reality
The above is to bring hope to those who often feel like they are moving from one failure in life to the next.
Hope to those who feel hopeless.
Hope to those who feel defeated.
My goal is to reframe your perspective, realizing that failure is only as real as we allow it to be.
But therein lies a harsh truth — failure is an option if you allow it to be one.
To fail, all you need to do is give up on trying to find yourself. Doing so will lead you down the long road of apathy and regret.
Which is one of the only ways we can actually fail at life.
Otherwise, if you constantly pursue the discovery of yourself, to discover your:
- Strengths
- Weaknesses
- Passions
- Displeasures
You’ll eventually find yourself and enjoy the success that comes with doing so.
So if you feel like a failure, discard the feelings of defeat and hopelessness. Realize that you’re just one step closer to finding yourself, and embrace the confidence and optimism that comes with that mindset.
Embrace the reality of your soon-to-be-discovered self.
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. — Hebrews 11:1
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