ENTERTAINMENT, WORLD NEWS
SNL Placates Woke Minority Offended by “Tasteless Hamas Joke” With Recent Sketch of a Jew Selling Shower Stalls
Mein Kampf-ortable Cleansing
The woke movement chose to erase offensive jokes. The comics chose to double down.
SNL comedy group Please Don’t Destroy, along with actor Timothee Chalamet, were attacked for a “tasteless” joke on the Hamas terrorist group. Member Ben Marshall took to Instagram to defend their skit.
“How on earth is our joke tasteless? It’s basically us saying we would share Chalamet’s band on Instagram. Chalamet claimed his band was spelt HAME-US, but spelt it like HAMAS. Get it? It’s cause no sane person would share content by Hamas in this political climate! Unless you’re porn star Mia Khalifa.
“Khalifa’s Instagram posts slamming Zionists was so bizarre. She would support an organization that would kill her in 69 seconds after she set foot in Gaza? Is her brain as fucked as her body? Even Hamas was so disgusted by her support. They released the hostages to distance themselves from her.
“But so many Americans are calling us out for making Hamas jokes! Do they support Hamas as much as Osama bin Laden? Wait, are Gen Z actually promoting his Letter to America?”
Marshall shook his head.
“I can’t believe Americans would support terrorism like 9/11. Even though they elected Dick-tator Cheney to torture Iraqis in prison Abu Ghraib.
“Even though they loosened gun restrictions for school shooters to kill innocent children.
“Even though they elected Cheeto Mussolini in 2017 so he can miserably storm the capitol with his MAGA morons to overthrow the government.
“Even though they gave tax breaks to religious cults like Scientology so they can survive their sexual abuse allegations.
“Even though they allowed scientists to illegally test STIs and syphilis on Guatemalan citizens.
“Even though they created this country on a Native American genocide.
“Even though they bought music by Kanye West.”
Marshall hung his head.
“Damn. Who are we to criticize terrorists? We Americans are the pot calling the kettle blacker than the Africans our ancestors used to enslave.
“We could stop making fun of Hamas. Or…
“We could make fun of every genocide in history!”
Marshall stroked his chin.
“Who on earth thinks it’s ok to kill people based on their birthright? Did the Palestinians and Israelites really kill each other in the Six Day War due to their right to live where they were born? I was born in a hospital in Savannah, Georgia. Does this mean I claim ownership of a hospital where 100,000 other people were also born? Do we all fight in a Battle Royale competition to win the building?
“Who on earth thinks it’s ok to kill people based on religion? Did the Hindus really kill Muslims in the 1992 Bombay riots because a mosque was built on a Hindu deity’s birthright? How do you justify killing a man because you didn’t like how a building looked?
“Who on earth thinks it’s ok to kill people based on war propaganda? Did the Nazis really kill the Jews because they thought the Jews backstabbed them in World War I? How do you justify killing people on a LIE? Didn’t the Germans create the world’s first electronic computer? They’re SUPPOSED to be smarter than MAGA!
“Who on earth thinks it’s ok to kill people based on water? Did the Sudanese kill Darfur refugees because their land ran out of water? What did they expect? THEY LIVE IN A GODDAMN DESERT! They should pick up their belongings and move to Europe. WHERE THE WATER IS!”
Marshall’s eyes lit up.
“These people justified their crimes against humanity on unproven, fake beliefs! They’re two tweets away from blasting Taylor Swift for rigging the Super Bowl to help Joe Biden.
“That’s why genocide is hilarious. Because it makes NO GODDAMN SENSE!”
Marshall beamed.
“I get the Hamas supporters’ anger now. They think we’re hypocrites because we picked on the Palestinian genocide alone.
“Rest assured, haters. All genocides are created equally. We’ll stop the Palestinian jokes for now and shift our focus to Holocaust jokes. Anti-Semitism is so hot on TikTok right now that users renamed the social media site to The Oven.
“We’ll create a new sketch where we have a salesman sell shower stalls in front of a Holocaust memorial. Get it? Because the Nazis killed Jews in a shower! Get it? WHY AREN’T YOU BITCHES LAUGHING?”
Marshall brought his ideas back to SNL, who approved the sketch as long as it includes celebrity guest Jason Aldeen. After being cancelled for singing in front of a courthouse that lynched African Americans, Aldeen claimed that this sketch gave him an opportunity to showcase his edgy, rebellious teen boy side.
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.
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