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WORLD NEWS
Lebanese Porn Star’s Support of Palestine Convinces Terrorist Organization Hamas to Return Israel Hostages
Religious fanaticism over pornography
The enemy of Hamas’s enemy is still Hamas’s enemy. Even if such enemy supports Hamas.
Lebanese porn star Mia Khalifa was recently trending on the Internet for a reason more unhinged than the first time she became famous. Rather than sucking a dude’s cock while wearing a hijab, Khalifa defended terrorist organization Hamas for getting bombed by Israel. Once again, the Internet was interested in seeing a Hamas supporter get fucked.
Khalifa’s defense of Hamas beheading Israelite babies was so barbaric that Playboy fired her. Naturally, the voice of reason for an 80-year long geopolitical violent conflict would be a publication that helped teenage boys handle puberty. On the other hand, it’s better to make love than war.
Khalifa attacked Playboy for supporting corrupt Zionists for persecuting Palestinians. Her “power to the people” IG post pissed off so many people. Including Hamas. Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar dropped a video following Khalifa’s response.
“Why on earth is Khalifa supporting us? We would KILL her if she stepped foot on Palestinian soil! Serves her right for exposing her ankle in public!
“Oh wait, I’ve been told there’s a video where she covered up her ankle. She was wearing nothing but tube socks. Even though she covered up a sacred part of her body, she chose to reveal EVERYTHING ELSE!
“This is an insult to Muhammad! I can’t believe this bitch would create such a disgusting video. I now need to watch it to determine how much she dishonored Allah. Where can I find it? What’s the link to this video?
“Hamas is now supported by a bitch who desecrated the Qur’an. Does this mean we hate Muhammad too? We’re Hamas, not Hollywood!”
Sinwar pounded his fists.
“Hamas has honored Muhammad by carrying out violence in his name. I even screamed Allah Akbar when I busted a load to Khalifa’s content. I give my God glory upon every explosion.
“The fact that this Western devil supports our kidnapping of innocent Israelites is UNACCEPTABLE! Now, we ardent followers won’t go to heaven. I didn’t suffer and commit sins on Earth just to not receive 72 virgins in the afterlife! Especially if all these virgins look like Khalifa.
“We’re letting our Israel captives go. We need Khalifa to hate us so we can get into heaven.”
True to his word, Sinwar ordered Hamas to release two American hostages Hamas captured from Israel Music Festival. Hamas cited “humanitarian reasons” for returning them back to Israel. The hostages’ family tried thanking Khalifa on social media, but received harassment and anti-Semitic responses from the adult film star.
American scam artist Donald Trump saw this exchange unfold on X while waiting in his prison cell. Smacking his fat lips on the opportunity to once again take credit for something he didn’t do, Trump jumped on the X thread to claim he saved those Israel hostages.
“I may be in court, but I can still be more productive than those sleepy losers who roam free in office. I’m glad to see the Jews safe, and I am happy to help. I have zero tolerance for Palestinians. Unless they’re shipping oil in Ohio.
“This Mia Khalifa, or I-SIS-ipuss, claims she ‘saved’ those Jews. But she is a LIAR! She’s a porn star! You’re gonna believe her over a true American leader like yours truly?
“But I’m used to this fake news. This isn’t the first time a porn star tried to slander my good Christian name.”
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.
UPDATE: On November 24, 2023, Hamas released a small section of the hostages. No thanks to Mia Khalifa.
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