ENTERTAINMENT, POLITICS
Cancelled Country Singer Jason Aldeen Defends Anti-Black Lives Matter Music Video as a Byproduct of His Edgy Teen Boy Rebellion
Jason Eat World
Country singer Jason Aldeen sang that people of small towns “all have each other’s backs and…look out for each other.” Especially when grown adults are going through teen angst.
Aldeen was decried by Fox News as the latest victim of cancel culture. The country singer dropped a song Try That In A Small Town, a single where he warns criminals, rioters, and looters to not underestimate the power of rural town vigilantes. Aldeen praises small town communities for ignoring state law enforcement by taking matters into their own hands when a criminal hurts others.
“State law enforcement can’t do diddly-poo. We see scoundrels walking amongst us, and they ain’t even arrested. They put our nice Christian community in danger. We folks need to take it upon ourselves to protect ourselves. Just like Travis McMichael, Gregory McMichael and George Zimmerman.
“These poor souls were criticized for killing innocent black men. I get that those black kids committed no crimes. But c’mon folks. Those black folk ain’t the brightest of the bunch. Don’t they know by now that small towns are full of racist, white folk? Haven’t they learnt nothing from To Kill A Mockingbird or the killing of Emmet Till?
“We poor white trash wave the Confederate Flag for Christ’s sake! We don’t want no black folk here. Why on earth do you want to interact with us, yet alone walk in our town?
“I see a black man amongst us, I get suspicious. I fear they’re out to kill us because we would harm them first! It’s why I support Senator Ron Johnson for passing gun control to restrict firearms from black police officers!
“Those people need to go back to the cities or wherever they came from! Leave us alone in our prejudiced, poverty-stricken peace.”
We asked Aldeen if this vigilantism means that state governments are justified for massacring small town folk, as their violent retaliation puts the entire nation at risk. It’s what Florida governor Ron DeSantis argued to defends his genocide of the morons.
Aldeen got defensive.
“Now, you’re just putting words in my mouth. I don’t support genocide. I just feel like everybody’s entitled to their opinion. You can think something all you want to — doesn’t mean it’s true, right?
“Just like kids believing in Santa Claus or me believing in the Confederacy. We both put faith in a red, nonexistent symbol that supports a white power ruling over slaves. Holdup, is the politically correct term elves?
“But I don’t believe in Santa. That’s cause I ain’t a kid. Imma choose my own identity and beliefs. Imma test out what my values are and fight back the system the adults set in place. I don’t do what the government tells me to think. I’m a rebel. I’m a cool boy.”
The 46-year-old adult somehow avoided controversy for his statements and song in May 2023. He paid the piper when he dropped the music video two months later. Aldeen crooned his song in front of a Maury County Courthouse building, a site famous for white men lynching and dragging an 18-year old black man’s body via a car in 1927. Who knew racists were inspired by Achilles and Hector from The Illiad?
Country Music Television finally grew a “woke” conscience and removed Aldeen’s video. Especially since Aldeen was warning Black Lives Matter to not have their protests in small towns. Celebrities turned on Aldeen so fast that we thought he was the one who slapped Chris Rock.
We reached out to Aldeen for why he thought he could get away with performing in front of a building that held multiple race riots in 1946. Aldeen got defensive.
“You liberal media just wanna paint me as the villain for this? So where was the outrage when that liberal Hannah Montana shot her movie there?
“You all just hate on me cause I’m proud of my country’s heritage. Unlike you all, I love it for the good and bad. Warts and all. That doesn’t mean I’m racist. I’m like Ted Nugent. Nugent can’t be racist if his machine gun is black.
“So what if I performed at a site that lynched the blacks? I’m an artist. I’m edgy. I do things to provoke a certain feeling and get the masses to think. Didn’t y’all let Kanye West rape a Jew for art?
“So how come he can do so but I can’t? Is it because he’s black? Now THAT’S racist.
“But I’ll love you all like I love my ancestors. Yea, our founding fathers were racist. But they are the reasons why we’re born. That’s the truth, ain’t it?”
Aldeen’s speech of “unconditional love” wasn’t enough to save him from the edge of bankruptcy. Instead of apologizing, going into hiding for 2 years, then re-emerging in the spotlight, Aldeen chose to double down on his edgy behavior.
The singer decided to drop a new informercial of his new business venture: selling shower stalls. While Aldeen argued that showers are much needed in such a humid summer, he did his sales pitch in front of a Holocaust Memorial. Aldeen ended his speech with “my showers are so good that even the Jews say they’re to die for.”
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Thanks for reading!
If you desire black comedy and political humor, see my profile’s Table of Contents page.
If you’re a new user on Medium and feel that I’m funny enough to binge all my content in one day, subscribe to me.
Seriously. Please follow me. I desperately need money to pay off my debts to the Yakuza.