Signs you’re in the right relationship
Is your partner the right person? Or just for right now? These are some of the signs to look out for.
by: E.B. Johnson
One of the most common questions any relationship coach or expert gets asked is, “Am I in the right relationship?” Unfortunately, there’s no one on the planet that carries that answer for you. You’re the only person who can determine whether your relationship is worthwhile. You’re the only person who is inside of that relationship and close enough to the truth of who you are and what you need. Have you picked someone that has what it takes to go the long haul with you? There are some pretty concrete signs you can look out for.
Common signs you’re in the right relationship.
Are you in the right relationship? Just as a terrible relationship comes with red flags and warning signs, our good partnerships also come with solid signs we can look out for. Do you and your partner appreciate one another? Do you always seek resolution over ego? Look for these signs of a good relationship and you just may have something you can build on.
Mutual appreciation
In the right relationship, there’s no lack of mutual appreciation. You appreciate your partner and everything they bring to the table, and so do they. More than that, though, you communicate this appreciation. There’s no wandering if the other person notices or values us and the role we play. When we’re with the right person, appreciation comes naturally on every front.
Seeking resolution
What happens when you and your partner hit a bump in the road? Do your egos come into play? Or do you keep focused on resolution? Good partners know that all relationships come with challenges and disagreements. When things go wrong, they don’t let their egos come into the equation. They don’t blame each other and seek to punish. Instead, they roll their sleeves up and et focused on solutions and how they can get their love back on track.
Always consistent
Consistency is key in a good relationship. We have to show up for ourselves (and our partners) even when it’s hard. That means supporting them. But it also means sticking to our boundaries and clearly communicating our needs. We know what to expect with the consistent partner, because they always show up as themselves and they make room for us to show up as ourselves too. Is your partner consistent? It may be the right sign.
Level satisfaction
A lot of couples start out strong and quickly find themselves unwinding. Why? Because they get into relationships with partners they want to change. Instead of finding someone who’s already going the same direction, they settle downward for passion projects that cost them time, energy, and heartbreak. That’s not what happy couples do. They don’t want to change each other, because they know they chose the person who met their needs the first time.
Healthy conflict
What happens when you and your partner fight? Do you fight at all? Or ignore your problems hoping that they’ll go away? If you and your partner don’t ignore conflict (but instead see it as a chance to grow together) — then you may be looking at the real deal. Conflict and arguments can be healthy, as long as we’re moving with the right intentions and always seeking to understand one another from a place of respect…even when we don’t agree.
How to keep building on a good thing.
Have you and your partner checked all the boxes on a “good relationship”? While that’s great, we have to consciously keep our relationships flowing in the right direction. Lasting relationships last because the partners put in work as a team. Want to make sure your happy romance makes it for the long-haul? Keep building on a good thing and make space for passion and time together.
1. Make space for good time
Daily life is hard, and it doesn’t get easier when you add the complexities and responsibilities of a budding family. It’s easy for us to get caught up in all these growing responsibilities. We look outward more and more until we realize we’ve forgotten the person standing right next to us. We can’t just commit ourselves to this negativity, stress, or pressure. It’s important that we open up to our partners and make space for good and fun things.
Make space for good time in your relationship — not just the bad and stressful stuff. You can’t survive when the only thing you do together is to survive. You need to remember how to have fun together, and you need to work to create positive and happy memories that bring you back in to each other when times get tough.
Every week, carve out some fun time together. Go on a date night. Mix it up and try new things. Plan a trip. There’s no right or wrong way to have fun together. What matters is that you do it intentionally. Happy couples are happy together. They do things that make them happy. Sure, they confront the hard stuff. But they don’t forget to find the beauty and the laughter in the limited time they have together. Don’t only make time for complaining and whining to one another. Make space for good stuff and make it a staple.
2. Focus on a shared future
Way too many couples get together over completely superficial similarities hat end up bringing them no joy 10 or 20 years down the line. That’s because things like music preferences or paint colors don’t really hold us together when things get tough. What really ensures we’re able to make it is having our eyes (and our hearts) set toward the same futures. We have to want the same things, and if we don’t, there’s little point on going forward.
Focus on the shared future that you’re building together. Keep this future in focus at all times. It will get you through the tough times and drive you forward in the good times. That shared future has to match. And more than that, it has to be at the center of everything that we do as a couple.
What are you working toward? What is the point of the two of you being together if there’s nowhere to take things? Match yourself with someone who wants the same things from their lives; someone who is going the same direction that you are. This doesn’t mean you have to love the same music or the same football team. What it means is that you each need to have the same vision when you close your eyes and imagine the future together.
3. Never stop talking
There can be no end to the power of communication in a romantic relationship. It’s the only way for us to make sure we’re coming from the same place. Through communication, we resolve our hurts and come up with our plans for the future. You have to talk to your partner. You can’t build something together if you aren’t communicating. That’s why it’s important that you and your partner never underestimate the power of talking it out.
Never stop talking to one another. When your feelings are hurt? Talk about it. When your partner is going through a hard time? Talk about. Never shy away from discussion — be they good or bad. That’s how we stay connected and focused on the things that matter to each of us.
Talking is like any other skill. The more you do it, the better at it you get. You and your partner need to practice talking about both easy things and hard things. As you peel back the layers, you will become more vulnerable with one another and more open too. This leads to transformative connections that re-enforce both our love for one another and the passion we feel in the life that we’re building together. Conversation is the only way you’re going to get through the tough times, so embrace it.
4. Embrace the spontaneity
Too many couples get so caught up their routines and put their passion and connection on autopilot. Everything gets scheduled, and before you know it you and your partner are completely numb to the repetitive motions of your life together. There’s danger there, because in boredom we start looking for escapes. For you and your partner to keep it engaged, you need to bring more spontaneity into the mix.
Embrace the spontaneous side of life. Don’t shut out the world and bury yourselves away just because you’ve found a relationship you love. Life is better when it’s experienced together. But we have to open our arms wide to finding the joy in the small and unexpected moments.
Reconnect with your spontaneity as a couple. Make time for random trips together. Set up an unplanned date night. Show little unexpected displays of affection. Leave notes to one another around the house. Do anything but allow your relationship to go still and stagnant. Always pursue your shared passion by finding new ways to enjoy your life together. Find those little moments and you will unlock the ability to rediscover one another over-and-over again.
Putting it all together…
Are you in the right relationship? Are you and your partner going to go long distance? When we build healthy partnerships with people who appreciate us and want the same things, it can change the course of our lives. Good love doesn’t happen by accident, though. It’s a forever project built on the foundations of a good and stable relationship with two people who want to be together.
To build on a good thing, make space for good time with each other. This is quality time that you spend filling with fun activities that help you to create joyful memories. There’s time for all the responsibilities and the real world later. This time needs to remind you why you’re together. Focus on your shared future and get excited about the work you’re doing together. Never stop talking to each other. Talk when feelings get hurt and issues arise. Talk when you’re proud of one another or appreciate one another. Don’t forget to embrace the spontaneity, though. Life-changing moments come at us when they’re least expected. Embrace the adventure with someone who complements who you are and what you want.
