The easiest ways to improve your relationship
There’s no magical fix when it comes to healing our partnerships. Some improvements are easier than others to make, however.
by: E.B. Johnson
Relationships need improvement from time-to-time, but we often make that process a lot more complicated than it needs to be. While large conflict in our partnerships can certainly require some work, there are a number of small improvements we can make over time to maintain the health and stability of our relationships. By adopting a proactive approach, we can actually prevent ourselves a lot of aggravation and heartache.
You don’t have to shut-up or shut down when things start getting awkward in your relationship. You can address your intimacy or vulnerability issues early; you can learn how to have fun again and recreate the vision you share for the future. There are simple ways in which you (and your partner) can pull yourselves out of the rut that you’re in so that you can get back on track. You just have to commit to having a little fun again and being upfront when things go wrong.
All relationships need fixing from time-to-time.
Believe it or not, all relationships need a little fixing from time-to-time. There’s no such thing as a “perfect” relationship or even a “perfect” partner. We’re all just doing the best that we can and trying to fill-in the rest. We naturally drift and find ourselves at odds over the course of our partnerships. Communication breaks down and we find that we’re battling misunderstandings and complicated emotions.
Rather than running away from these issues when they’re relatively minor, we have to run toward them and the fight for resolution. By addressing our issues early on, we can work through them before resentment or contempt has a chance to set in. This means we must be proactive, though, and ready to make a conscious commitment.
There’s no need for a major overhaul when you’re upfront about finding solutions early. Make gradual and effective changes to your partnership by re-opening your channels of communication, making better memories together, and reconnecting with yourselves and that bond that brought you to one another in the first place. Admit where your relationship is going wrong and you can set it right before you turn your faces (and your hearts) away from one another for good.
Signs your relationship could benefit from improvement.
While all relationships can benefit from some simple tweaks, there are always warning signs that we should be on the lookout for. From a general awkwardness in our intuition, to a complete loss of mutual vision — it’s important we address the small problems honestly before they become big issues.
Things are getting awkward
Is your intuition starting to raise some red flags in your subconscious? Maybe you can’t put your finger on an issue, but you’re feeling things beginning to grow awkward or out-of-step? These are valid points worth bringing up with your partner and addressing, even if you’re not quite sure what’s going on. It’s always important to communicate any reservations or negative emotions we might be dealing with.
Intimacy is lacking
Intimacy is a cornerstone of romantic relationships, and it allows us to bolster the physical and emotional connections we share with one another. When things begin to go a bit south, it’s usually one of the first things that suffers and we can find ourselves drifting apart as a result. Have you and your partner struggled to get close to another, or open up? It may be a sign some simple improvements are needed.
Boredom all around
Are you and your partner becoming bored with the life you’ve built? Do you feel like you’re stuck in a rut? Or like things are becoming stale in your romance? All relationships go through a natural ebb and flow. Sometimes, we’re both riding highs that keep us passionately connected. In other moments, things are quiet while we grow as individuals. In order to avoid this boredom, we simply have to find more effective ways to re-infuse excitement.
Conflict at an all-time-high
Is conflict beginning to trickle into your partnership? All romantic partnerships involve some degree of conflict, but this conflict should never get to the point of physical or emotional damage. When it does, resentment takes over and the cracks begin to show. Things don’t have to get this far. We can resolve conflict before it turns into contempt by getting better at opening up the channels of communication.
Separate social circles
Even when we’re in a relationship, we’re still individuals with our own needs and social circles. That’s good. Having our own circle of friends is healthy, but they shouldn’t be completely isolated from our romantic partners. From time-to-time, you should be able to enjoy the company of both your friends and your partner. We should be able to intermingle these worlds with ease. Are you spending more time with your friends than your partner? Tweaks need to be made before you drift permanently apart.
Inability to communicate
Do you and your partner struggle to communicate with one another? Have you stopped talking to one another, or stopped talking about anything that matters? Silence is deafening when it comes to a weakening relationship. When you stop talking to your other half, it’s time to get serious about making improvements in the way you relate to one another and bond with one another.
Loss of vision
What kind of plans are you and your partner making for the future? Have you stopped making plans altogether? Healthy relationships are those who are future-focused and aligned in their ultimate life goals. You and your partner (or spouse) need to be on the same page so that you can continue to work toward the same aims. We can achieve this by making small improvements, like finding new things to get excited about as partners.
The easiest ways for you to improve your relationship together.
Is your relationship showing the first signs of boredom or conflict? There are a number of easy improvements you can make to prevent further breakdowns between you and your partner. By listening to your emotions, re-establishing communication, and creating new memories together — you can transform the way you see one another and renew your partnership.
1. Listen to your emotions
Before you address your partner and what they may be feeling, it’s important that you spend some time with your own emotions (and encourage them to do the same). Our emotions serves as an important part of our coping, bonding, and protection. They drive us toward those we love, and away from those who would harm us. They are powerful, though, and can easily become confused in the midst of their own chaos and intensity.
Both of you need to listen to your emotions — especially when tensions are running high or there are cracks beginning to show. What are they trying to warn you about? What are they trying to protect you from? By questioning our own emotions, we discover that they a window into our subconscious.
Accept your emotions for what they are and the truths they indicate. Use this knowledge to then get clear on where you stand and what you want. What’s going wrong in your relationship right now? What do you want your ideal relationship to function like? All of these answers only come to us once we’ve given ourselves enough time and space to process our emotions as individuals.
2. Communicate with intention
Communication is a necessary part of all relationships. Through communication we set our expectations, make plans for the future, and work through challenges and hardship as a team. When you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, this communication can go on autopilot or become congested. We have to clear out these channels of communication and discover better ways to open up to our partners on a regular basis.
Start opening up to one another again and do it with intention. Make time for one another in your busy schedules to simply talk about your days and what’s going on in your respective lives. Talk about work. Talk about the kids. Talk about the fight you had with your mother.
Turn off TV’s and phones and be present with one another. Ensure that communication is a part of your daily or even weekly ritual. At first, you can keep it superficial, but don’t be afraid to use this as valuable planning time too. Look to your futures and re-establish that sense of vision which keeps you both inspired and driven toward one another. True love relationships don’t happen by accident. They happen by having the same life-goals.
3. Create new memories together
Are you and your partner stuck in a rut? Does boredom feel like the third-wheel in your relationship? When we get too comfortable with one another, we can find that we become bored. Doing the same thing day-in-and-day out wears us down and forces our brains into autopilot. We stop seeing our partners as valuable aspects of our lives and lose our gratitude for them entirely.
To get the passion back in your partnership, you need to create new and exciting memories together. Spice things up. Break the patterns and inject a power-shot of interest back into your connection. Be creative. Break the norm by going somewhere new or trying something that you’ve never tried before.
Make fun a regular part of your relationships. The time we spend with our spouses shouldn’t just be about work, conflict, and venting to one another. We need to remember the people we fell in love with and why our relationship is worthwhile. Branch out with your partner and don’t wait until you resent one another or the lives you’ve built together. Create new memories together and do it with intention.
4. Address aggravations up front
Like it or not, there are going to be times when your partner gets things wrong — and there will be times when you get things wrong too. Someone is going to get mad and someone else is going to get their feelings hurt. Merging two lives in order to build something new isn’t easy, and it isn’t for the faint of heart either. If we want to ensure that all these little hurts don’t work up into big conflicts, we have to commit to addressing our aggravations and our feelings with one another upfront.
Stop allowing yourselves to avoid the things that need dealt with the most. The longer you go about avoiding your grievances with one another, the greater the resentment will become. Address what’s going wrong in the first instance. Don’t sit on your feelings until you’re ready to explode with rage (and say something you then regret).
When something is “off” take a little time to figure out your perspective, then ask your partner to sit down and figure it out with you. Be frank and be candid. If you’re someone who is not used to being honest about your problems, then the first conversations can feel awkward. They will not, however, feel more awkward than the devastating conflict that will arise as a result of avoidance. Be adults and stop running away from your problems. Address them with one another now, not later.
5. Find your natural flow
All relationships come with a natural ebb and flow, but so many of us fall into the trap of forcing our relationships into directions they aren’t ready to go yet. One of the easiest and most effective ways to improve your relationship is simply to find your natural balance. Allow your relationship to move at a natural pace and allow it to find its roots when it’s ready.
Work out the balance in your relationship. Define who does what and set boundaries for one another. Be honest about your needs with one another, and clear about what you expect. Then, you can find the organic routine that allows you both to relax comfortably into the world the two of you are building.
Let your love lead you naturally to where it needs to go. This means not comparing it to someone else’s relationship, or forcing it into a race against your own “to-do list”. You’ll know when the time is right for things like family, or a big move. You’ll feel the calm in one another and know real stability and peace within both your emotions and your material world. Allow life to lead you where it will and hold on to one another for the ride.
Putting it all together…
Are you looking to improve your relationship, but don’t know where to begin? There are a number of easy changes we can make to ensure happier, healthier, and more efficient relationships that last. Do you want more stability in your partnership? You must both be honest and get proactive about making changes that matter.
Start listening to your emotions on an individual level so that you can figure out your emotions on a partnership level. Once you’re clear on how you feel and what you want, you can fully express those things to your partner and make room for them to do the same. Communicate with intention and carve out regular blocks of time in which you can just sit and talk things through without a need for drama or conflict. The better we are at communication, the more likely our partnerships are to avoid fractures. Create new memories together and don’t forget to reaffirm your love through regular bouts of fun. Address your aggravations with one another upfront and don’t wait until resentment makes you avoid one another. Beyond that, find your natural flow and stick to it. The best and easiest way to improve your relationship is often to simply stop forcing it.
