Sex and the Florida Man
7 times Florida Man got horny…then arrested
If you’re a true crime junkie, you’re well-acquainted with the Florida Man. Florida Man owns a pet gator and has no compunction about leaving it in a hot tub in the backyard, throwing it at you, or smacking you with it. He’ll steal $300 worth of merchandise from Kmart soon after buying an $8 million island. He’ll try to exchange drugs for food at the McDonald’s drive-thru window or proposition sex from an undercover cop in exchange for a hamburger. Simply put: Florida Man has no fucks to give, so it’s not surprising that he takes his renegade attitude with him into the bedroom. And of course, Florida Man’s weird sexual activities oftentimes land him in the clink. Here are seven cases of the Florida Man’s antics in his full hilarious and horny glory.
Getting Stuffed
A Florida Man with a clear plush fetish took to Target to get his rocks off by first dry humping a stuffed toy of Olaf* from Frozen until he ejaculated, and then moving on to getting busy with a stuffed unicorn. When 20-year-old Cody Meade explained his weird masturbation habits to police, he admitted that he had done “stupid stuff” — and his own father concurred, claiming he “has a history of this type of behavior.” Meader was arrested for criminal mischief and the stuffed toys were destroyed.
He was “trying to meet his girlfriend for relations and he was trying to get there.”
Lust on the Rails
If you’re at a McDonald’s and you’re already naked, what is the natural thing for you to do? If you’re Florida Man, you try to, as police described, “have relations with a railing” of course. John Francis Morgan was arrested for doing this bizarre deed, but it wasn’t his first rodeo. He was actually banned from that location for doing something similar and decided he needed to go back for seconds anyway.
Booty Call Bust
We’ve all been there: You’ve been thinking about the sex you’re going to have later and you just can’t wait to get to it. But usually, we don’t literally speed toward our erotic appointments. Florid Man Ruben Hughes, however, was so excited to get to his girlfriend for their booty call that he not only was caught speeding, he ignored the police car’s emergency lights and sirens when they tried to pull him over. When he was apprehended, he explained to the police the dire situation he was in and how he was “trying to meet his girlfriend for relations and he was trying to get there.” Apparently, Hughes had several sex appointments he needed to get to quickly because he had previously been convicted for speeding three times.
She woke up to the “sounds of loud moaning” from outside of her house….
The Sex Toy Slap
Florida Man can be passionate, so when he gets into a heated argument, sometimes he may feel the need to grab a sex toy and slap his girlfriend in the face with it. Not surprisingly, when 34-year-old Micah Norman was arrested, “there was an indication of alcohol influence.” Of course there was: After all, he had an assortment of charges on his record before the sex toy slap, including arrests for disorderly intoxication and drunk driving. Unfortunately, the police report did not indicate what Norman’s sex toy of choice was during the incident.
Steakhouse Strip Tease
Sometimes food can be so good, it can almost feel like a sexual experience. That was probably the case for Florida Man James Dylan Jordan, who apparently became so excited in the Kobe Japanese Steakhouse that he “began to undress and dance erotically” in front of fellow diners. When one couple complained, Jordan became enraged and called the wife fat and offered to fight the husband. After his performance, Jordan had an arrest on the menu and was charged with disorderly conduct.
Patio Pleasure
It can be hard to find a place to masturbate in peace…and in private. When Florida Man Christopher Worrell had the urge, he couldn’t wait to find the perfect place, so he settled for doing the deed on a stranger’s deck. However, he did come prepared with sex toys and massage oil just for the occasion. The homeowner said she found Worrell when she woke up to the “sounds of loud moaning” from outside of her house and upon inspection, she found a “completely nude” man and “bodily secretions on her patio window.” And what was the price of this pleasure? Worrell was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior and held in the county jail in lieu of a $250 bond.
A Clean Sweep
When a Florida Man showed up to a hotel in a French maid’s outfit, he may have been dressed for cleaning, but he had nothing but dirty thoughts on his mind. After answering an ad and soliciting domination from an undercover police officer, 68-year-old David Marsh, according to a statement from Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd, “rode a bike clear across Lakeland wearing his French maid outfit with his dog collar around his neck.” He even had a chastity belt on for the occasion. It pays to come prepared. Unfortunately, the cops were also prepared to use handcuffs on him, but not in the way he’d hoped. Marsh, along with almost 100 others, was arrested in the “Operation Naughty Not Nice” sting that occurred just in time for Christmas.
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Sources:
Bartiromo, M. (2018, August 13). Drunk man arrested for ‘erotically’ dancing, stripping in restaurant: police. New York Post. https://nypost.com/2018/08/13/drunk-man-arrested-for-erotically-dancing-stripping-in-restaurant-police/
Bleier, E. (2015, December 15). ‘Operation Naughty Not Nice’: Man who rode his bike across town ‘wearing a chastity belt while dressed as a French maid so he could be dominated by a call girl’ is arrested along with 94 others in massive prostitution sting. Daily Mail Online. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3360410/David-Marsh-wore-French-maid-outfit-Operation-Naughty-Not-Nice-prostitution-bust-Florida.html
Cautionary Tale: When A Booty Call Goes Bad. The Smoking Gun. http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/stupid/booty-call-botched-239176
Croucher, S. (2019, June 12). Naked Florida Man Performs ‘Strange Dance’ at McDonald’s Before ‘Trying to Have Relations With a Railing’. Newsweek. https://www.newsweek.com/florida-man-naked-strange-dance-mcdonalds-sex-railing-1443522
Days After Buying $8 Million Private Island, Florida Man Busted For Stealing $300 In Merch From Kmart. The Smoking Gun. https://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/florida/wealthy-florida-man-nabbed-184937
Dennis, Z. (2016, October 5). Deputies: Florida man slaps girlfriend in the face with sex toy. The Palm Beach Post. https://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/crime--law/deputies-florida-man-slaps-girlfriend-the-face-with-sex-toy/ZFD0J0yCcL9owKtHNQlStJ/
Evans, J. (2018, August 11). Police: Dunedin man arrested after attempting strip tease inside steakhouse. Tampa Bay Times. https://www.tampabay.com/news/publicsafety/crime/Police-Dunedin-man-arrested-after-attempting-strip-tease-inside-steakhouse_170810817/
Figueroa, D. (2019, October 24). Florida man ‘dry humps’ stuffed Olaf doll at Pinellas Park Target, police say. Tampa Bay Times. https://www.tampabay.com/news/crime/2019/10/24/florida-man-dry-humps-stuffed-olaf-doll-at-pinellas-park-target-police-say/
Florida Alligator Attack. The Smoking Gun. https://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/florida-alligator-attack
Florida Man, 23, Nabbed After Trying To Swap Pot For McDonald’s Drive-Thru Chow. The Smoking Gun. https://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/drive-thru/failed-pot-barter-803124
Florida Man, 24, Strips, Performs Erotic Dance Inside Japanese Steakhouse. The Smoking Gun. https://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/clearwater/kobe-steakhouse-discon-837501
Florida Man, 34, Busted For Slapping Girlfriend In Face With A Sex Toy. The Smoking Gun. http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/domestic-battery/florida-man-toy-arrest-109376
Florida man, 34, is arrested for ‘slapping his girlfriend in the face with a sex toy’. Daily Mail Online. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3822015/Man-34-arrested-slapping-girlfriend-face-sex-toy.html
Florida Man Arrested After Cops Discover Alligator Living In Backyard Hot Tub. The Smoking Gun. https://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/florida/hot-tub-alligator-756312
Florida Man Arrested After Offering Undercover Cop A Hamburger In Exchange For Sex Act. The Smoking Gun. https://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/florida/hamburger-hooker-287593
Florida man arrested for having sex with stuffed ‘Olaf’ at Target. WPLG Local10.com. https://www.local10.com/news/2019/10/23/florida-man-arrested-for-having-sex-with-stuffed-olaf-at-target/
Florida man has sex with McDonald’s railing. WINDFM. https://windfm.com/2019/06/florida-man-has-sex-with-mcdonalds-railing/
Hooper, B. (2015, December 15). Florida man in French maid costume arrested in prostitution sting. UPI.com. https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2015/12/15/Florida-man-in-French-maid-costume-arrested-in-prostitution-sting/5711450199821/
McCluskey, M. (2016, February 9). Florida Man Arrested for Allegedly Throwing Live Alligator Into Wendy’s Drive-Thru Window. TIME.com. https://time.com/4214021/florida-man-throws-alligator-into-wendys-drive-thru-window/
Naked, Moaning Florida Man Arrested For 2 AM Pleasure Session On Stranger’s Patio. The Smoking Gun. https://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/moaning-guy-popped-730659
Prostitution Sting Nets Man, 68, Wearing French Maid’s Uniform And Chastity Belt. The Smoking Gun. https://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/florida/french-maid-costume-bust-648291
Rodriguez, A. (2019, October 27). Florida man accused of having sex with ‘Frozen’ toy at Target. WPEC CBS 12. https://cbs12.com/news/local/florida-man-accused-of-having-sex-with-frozen-toy-at-target
Young, M. (2019, June 11). Florida man dances naked at McDonald’s. That’s not the strangest thing he did. The Ledger. https://www.theledger.com/news/20190611/florida-man-dances-naked-at-mcdonalds-thats-not-strangest-thing-he-did
