Life | Life Lessons | Inspiration | Self-Improvement| Philosophy

Ruthlessness: A Necessary Ingredient for Healing Grief

How I almost let the grief gremlins disrupt my newfound happiness.

Note from the author: Over the past year and a half, I’ve been writing a diary of sorts about my journey out of grief and into bodaciousness. Most of my stories, in the beginning, were about how grief can take over a person’s entire being. And if I wanted to live the rest of my life to the utmost, then I needed to figure out ways to reclaim my life and relive it. Now, I’ve decided to write a series of stories where I’ll define, chat about, and/or offer suggestions on how I’m developing my bodaciousness and working on experiencing life joyfully. Below is the second story in the series. Part of being bodacious is that I have to be BRAVE to explore the new territory of a new life.

The sound of chimes reaches my ears from downstairs. Alexa announces that motion is detected at the front door. I get up to look out the guest bedroom window, thinking it may be an Amazon delivery.

No truck.

Uhm.

A closer look.

Ahhh.

A deer.

And she’s eating my rose bushes! No wonder I didn’t have many blooms this summer. The deer have been nibbling on them when they pass through on their regular, bi-weekly migration path.

I’m curious about the young doe as I watch her eat the Aspen branches that dropped onto my front lawn. Why is she alone? I don’t see the herd of six to nine doe she would usually travel with.

I continue to observe the doe as she meanders over to the driveway. She stops. Looks around. It’s as if she isn’t quite sure of what she should do next. Or which way to go. She’s standing and staring. Not moving.

Oh, No. I can feel grief’s angst invading my thoughts.

While I gazed out at her, I felt a familiar pang of loneliness oozing into my mind.

Then, all the past grief emotions poured into my body. I was feeling the helplessness I felt over two years ago when I knew my husband was never coming home from Memory Care.

I couldn’t watch any longer.

I had to stop the flood of sadness enveloping my body. The tightness in my throat. The tears welling up in my eyes. I had to break my fall back into the darkness, still looming somewhere in my mind’s recesses.

Quickly.

Ruthlessly.

Being ruthless is better than falling into the depths of grief.

All my former life is gone. I can’t do anything about it now. And what would the point be to try? It wouldn’t be the same. My husband died. I’m alive. I still have a life to live.

I pushed the sadness out of my mind. I have so much to be grateful for. To be joyful about. I have a new life and a new adventure ahead of me. I have Jim — my unexpected love and sweetheart. I can’t get over how kind, caring and loving he is. And I feel so lucky to be with him.

When I was grieving, I fervently asked the Universe for clues about what my life would be like after my journey out of grief. I never thought I would love again. In fact, I resigned myself to being alone until the day I died. I have high standards. My husband was fit and thin. He always cared about his appearance and fitness. He was active, polite, and loving. He was funny, friendly, and fiercely protective of me. I didn’t think I would meet someone who would meet those minimum requirements.

A scheming Universe?

Then Jim entered into my life by happenstance. Or was it destiny? Or was the Universe scheming a way to bring two lost people, longing for love and connection once more, together?

I am so thankful for the “scheme,” and I appreciate I was ready to take the leap the Universe was offering me. The trip through the valley of grief was worth every moment to reap the joyfulness I am experiencing now. I feel so blessed to be alive and to love once again. To share what’s rest of my “new” life with the love of my new life will be an exciting adventure.

I smile to myself. I remember we’re going on another trip in a few weeks — what fun! I can hardly wait.

Then it dawns on me. I am living my dream. Right. Now.

I am living bodaciously!

I want to thank Dr. Yildiz and the entire Illumination community for creating this platform to help each other have better lives filled with joy, love, and happiness. I also want to thank Tim Maudlin and Jeff Herring for their support and encouragement to publish what I’ve written.

Illumination is an excellent publication to find fabulous stories. Here are links to some of my writer friends -whose stories I think you would enjoy: Tim Maudlin JeffHerring.com Brenda Christopher MaryJo Wagner, PhD Dr Mehmet Yildiz Vickie Trancho Jesse-Melva Johnson Sunita Pandit Peg Duchesne Trapper Sherwood Kathleen N Hoagland Phil Brakefield Margaret Eves EricAsbeck.com Larry Nowicki William McPeck Steven Zabronsky Jane Gardner Eileen Roth Bill Todd Candy L Hill Marian Hays Helen Boss Chris Hallett Doug Golinski Brian Basilico Marjorie J McDonald Ntathu Allen

PS I’m a widow who refuses to live a life filled with grief but, instead, I live a life filled with joy, happiness, and love. I’m allowing my bodaciousness to direct how I will live the rest of my life.

© 2020 by Linda Kay Halladay. All rights reserved.

I’ve written about my journey out of grief and into bodaciousness. If this story helped you to alleviate some sadness or grief, I invite you to read my other stories about life and the possibilities to experience joy once more.

This story is brought to you by Linda Kay Halladay. Find out more about my travels through grief in my introduction: