Only Those Who Breastfeed Are Good Mothers. Aren’t They?

Advocates say breastfeeding is great. Many also equate it with love. But bottle-feeding can do all that too, don’t you think?

There is a breastfeeding hype at the moment. Proponents say breastfeeding is the best. It's the most natural and normal thing in the world. And yet I read post after post from other medium moms. They complain of strangers staring at them when they breastfeed their child in public, e.g. Marianne Sherret. Or even being asked to leave a venue to do so.

Advocates say breastfeeding is great. It provides intimate moments with your baby, is healthy, and above all is practical. Many also equate it with love. But bottle-feeding can do all that too! So the effects of the feeding methods are very similar, aren’t they?

Women who don’t breastfeed still have to justify themselves

Breastfeeding should thus be a matter of course, we’re told. But then, shouldn’t feeding your child differently, i.e. by bottle with artificial milk also be perfectly acceptable?

But women who don’t breastfeed still have to justify themselves.

Judgemental Monsters-in-law might say: ‘Only those who breastfeed are good mothers’. What nonsense, I say, and so do my fellow mothers. Because one has nothing to do with the other.

My plea: breastfeeding is love. So is bottle-feeding!

Breastfeed and let them breastfeed

There is hardly anything more individual than breastfeeding a child. Because what happens between mother and child is unique like a snowflake. But it seems that in our society you have to choose one side or the other; there is no middle ground.

Although it is such an intimate subject, you are judged from all sides on how long, how often and where you feed your child. There are women in our medium community who chose not to breastfeed, for instance Laura Fox. Many people don’t think about the fact that breastfeeding can also mean withdrawal, silence and exclusion (Paulo Costeri compares breastfeeding to exercise). They don’t think about the fact that bottle-feeding can make the father more active (e.g. Tom Fenske on parental leave). So that father and mother can share the load better.

Reliance on breastfeeding also means that, because only the woman can feed her child at night, the man sleeps and the woman doesn’t.

Transition to bottle can feel good

Joking aside, the WHO recommends breastfeeding for at least six months. And then the introduction of puree and family foods. Breastfeeding can continue until the child is two years old, so long as mother and child want to. Aha! So this is about mother and child. That’s interesting.

I, for example, breastfed for ten months. We introduced complementary food from the sixth month and artificial milk in the ninth month. Since my son’s tenth month, he has been fully on 3x puree a day. As well as 3x a day pre milk from the bottle (or another milk at night).

The transition feels good. I think for both of us, it’s time to stop nurturing with the breast. In my opinion, I have given him a lot and now I’m allowed to sleep longer at night. It is a great happiness to know that I can depend on both: breastfeeding and giving the bottle. After all, feeding him and keeping him alive is my most important task.

Final Thoughts: Nurture!

• What I wish for is that we can raise our children in an environment that supports and nurtures us too! (Laura Fox’s plea)
• No matter which methods we choose. Because in the midst of it all, it’s about the well-being of mother and child. That should be the focus.
• No two nurture stories are the same. (e.g. Darcy Reeder after a breast reduction surgery; Katie Acosta in regard to racism and poverty; Courtney Klein & Grace Kapin in regard to advertising; Katelyn Burns regarding (anti-)trans media campaign; BFoundAPen on breastfeeding transwomen)
• A good mother is a happy mother. She should be able to decide for herself how she nurtures her child. And she should receive as much emotional support as she needs.
• A word of advice: instead of judging (other mothers for breastfeeding or not) next time, better to keep your mouth shut. Show solidarity or say something positive. Because words are powerful and every mother is happy to hear: you’re doing a magnificent job!

But wait! There’s more from Kristina, Top Writer in Parenting👶👇:

PS: Let’s connect on medium: Kristina God