SELF

My Name Is Akos and ‘True Detective’s Rustin Cohle Is My Spirit Animal

I’d like to believe that I’m more than just a biological puppet.

This introduction is long overdue to Dr. Mehmet’s skyrocketing publication. Although, I wrote a sort of half introduction discussing my niches or their lack of before. However, since then, I think I’ve found what I want to write about, but not limiting my options to talk about anything, really. Well, with one exception: no poems.

“People… I have seen the finale of thousands of lives, man. Young, old, each one so sure of their realness. You know that their sensory experience constituted a unique individual with purpose and meaning. So certain that they were more than biological puppet. The truth wills out, and everybody sees. Once the strings are cut, all fall down.” — Rust Cohle, True Detective

So, on my low-days, I indulge in the philosophy of Rust Cohle, a well-written character from my favorite TV show (played mesmerizingly by Matthew McConaughey), who describes himself as a realist, but he also adds that, in this world, he’d be called a pessimist. His mind is bent by dark thoughts, emerging from the deepest places of his brain, while he studies murder, dead bodies, and how time is an overbearing and inevitable shadow to mankind.

I’m a realist too, who sometimes turns into a pessimist when life kicks me in the face, but I’m not the type who’s willing to stay down. Uh-uh. I get up and kick back no matter how much pain I need to endure because nothing worth suffering without a fight.

On my good days, I can become an idealist, a daydreamer, and even a romantic if I’m not being careful. I believe in self-improvement, but I’d rather call it learning through self-analysis. You don’t always have to be positive and upbeat, no, not even close. Pain is an essential part of our lives, the currency we use if you like, and the challenge is to make it worthwhile by being able to learn from it.

I write about pop culture since I was 14 years old. I’m a huge cinephile, a TV junkie, and a wannabe bookworm. I ran two blogs about films and TV shows for 7 years before I began to start over my life from scratch in London, nearly eight years ago.

When I decided to sign up and write on Medium, I knew I wanted to build my pop culture fanatism into my arsenal, but I also needed to develop it into something more profound. I have two unfinished novels, a dozen of fiction short stories, and one almost-done script for a television pilot. I also have a short film in the works.

However, I feel that I only identified my niche a few months ago: writing personal essays and share my life experiences and thoughts through pop culture pieces. For a better understanding, here is an example, in which I talked about the profound loss of my father’s childhood best friend, and the long-kept secret of my great uncle’s mental illness through HBO’s great TV Show ‘I Know This Much is True.’

It has become my goal to combine these topics and, as of last week, I’ve launched my very own publication, Vulnerable Man, to give these articles a home.

The idea for the pub was brewing in my mind for a while, and I just couldn’t control it anymore. One lonely night my brain was spiraling as usual, and Vulnerable Man was born. I turned into The Weakest Superhero who got bit by an anxious spider and developed “extra” ordinary skills like anxiety, stress, insomnia, insecurity, and overthinking.

My mission is to fight against boring and time-wasting articles on the internet, curating content that will ease the reader’s mind. In my virtual residency, you don’t have to be afraid anymore because you’re safe there. And if someone comes after us… we run together.

I hope there will be others who can be saved and spared by my stories, while I’m on the journey of self-acceptance, discovering my strengths and weaknesses through the characters in films and TV shows who I love dearly. Be my ally, and I will tell you how to use overthinking, insomnia, and self-doubt to reflect and help you become a better human being.

Well, at least I can promise you that I will try to the best of my knowledge.

If you feel intrigued, take a look at my other clips: