My Financial Mistake as a Stay-At-Home Mom

The one thing I regret doing

“What were you thinking?” asks my sister.

“I don’t know,” I say. “I shouldn’t have done it.”

“It was your biggest mistake,” she says.

“I know,” I say.

Looking back, I don’t know who was stupider.

My husband for using a ridiculous argument that made zero sense. Not only at that moment but in hindsight. Or me for believing in him and not recognizing his glaring verbal crimson flag.

Before I explain my financial regret, here’s my unfortunate backstory.

It begins with a convoluted conversation between my husband and me. Every stay-at-home mom should take note of what was actually evolving right before my own eyes.

“Too much money is being spent,” says my husband.

“What are you talking about?” I say.

“We’re living above our means,” he says. “You’re spending too much.”

What he’s saying is completely untrue.

I am annoyed.

I pay the bills for our home, business, and investment properties. I manage our financial investments, car purchases, mortgage financing, and insurance policies.

It’s an arrangement we made early in our marriage.

My husband didn’t like the stress of handling our finances. Once a year we would meet to discuss how much we would increase our savings and other goals we had.

Enter my stupidity and absurdity.

I am the one paying the bills but he’s insisting we are over-extended.

I have complete knowledge of our financial situation. I know his words are unequivocally untrue. I spend a few minutes wasting my breath protesting. Even though my husband is unreasonable when arguing.

“I paid down the mortgage on our first investment property,” I say. “I took a 30-year mortgage to a 12-year mortgage in eight years. When we bought our primary residence I increased our savings by $1,000 a month. Every single year we continue to increase our savings. We no longer use credit cards. We own a second investment property with no mortgage that we could sell if necessary.”

My passive-aggressive husband ignores me.

Soon thereafter, he starts the same argument.

“We’re living beyond our means,” he says. “You’re spending too much money.”

I sit down and calculate our net worth.

It doesn’t phase him.

He keeps up his red flag schtick. It reminds me of the time we met with a financial planner as newlyweds. I explain our self-employed earnings, taxes, and the benefits we are receiving when comparing our expenses and lowered taxes.

“Your wife is correct,” says the financial expert.

My husband won’t listen because it doesn’t matter, he’s decided I’m wrong.

He refuses to believe our factual financial situation. For this reason, enter my absurdity and stupidity. I don’t recognize the crimson flag because of his own personality.

Money makes my husband Cray Cray.

Something he would prove again and again during our divorce. It consumed him. It was all that truly mattered to him.

Back to my one huge monetary regret.

I handed the finances over to my husband.

The more he complained the more I couldn’t take it. I didn’t realize it was manipulation. I didn’t understand our lingering marital problems initiated his calculated and financially abusive agenda.

I went from being a strong, independent woman in charge of her life to an extremely vulnerable one. Just like that. In a relative moment of foolishness.

Someone else had all the power in my life.

Someone who couldn’t be trusted with it.

I handed my husband the keys to my security. A stay-at-home mom who handled the finances wasn’t vulnerable. She couldn’t be fooled. Or cheated out of her life savings and work. She wouldn’t be subjected to years of financial abuse.

She wouldn’t be powerless in divorce.

She would be powerful.

She wouldn’t believe the lies of a man she trusted when he told her the business wasn’t doing well. That all of their savings were gone. Or not understand the real reason he suddenly wanted to sell the investment properties.

One financial mistake as a stay-at-home mom.

Cost me dearly.

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