A Home Shouldn’t Revolve Around One Person
It’s their world and you’re living in it
My husband had a favorite phrase.
I’m a busy man. It was code for don’t ask me for anything. I was a clueless twenty-something. I bought it. It’s weird how you listen to people’s words instead of their actions.
My world comes first. His message was clear. I signed on to marry my best friend and build a life together.
Not to become less important. Marriage can be insidious. It’s a slowly moving dynamic that can shift without notice. One difficult personality takes an inch of you at a time.
Until they’ve swallowed you whole.
Little by little I was getting tucked inside his world. I meant to be a giver not to give myself away. But I was now his work wife. I was his home wife. I was his personal administrator and keeper of the home.
He bought a few new vowels and an accompanying phrase.
“I’m a big boy. You’re a big girl. I don’t ask anything of you. You don’t ask anything of me.”
Was I outta my mind?! Evidently! Who says that to someone? Let me answer that question for you. Difficult individuals. Spoiled individuals. Self-consumed individuals.
People who live in their own world.
And invite you to play in it.
No home should revolve around one person. A couple involves two people. A family is a group of people. One individual shouldn’t take continual precedence over the rest.
It’s shameful they believe they’re entitled to this rank.
What’s more shocking are the reasons for their superiority. They make more money. They support a household. They have more demanding jobs. Or you’re a stay-at-home mother you have more time.
While these reasons may be occasional pulls they shouldn’t be constant excuses. A relationship is a ‘relay’ by nature of the beginning of the word. It should be a relay back and forth between partners. A give and a take as each individual needs it.
Not a home built around a demanding spouse who prioritizes their life. Their wants and their needs aren’t more important than the entire family.
Being a sole provider doesn’t earn this arrogance.
I look back and I’m angry at myself. I’m no patsy. The self-employed thing threw me off. It made me believe he took priority over me.
How absurd!
But that’s how we lived our lives.
His schedule came first. I knew I couldn’t ask him to go in late. Take off the day with a sick child. Or cancel an appointment because something in our family required it. I could occasionally ask him to come home early because I had somewhere to go. But that didn’t mean the afternoon, it meant the typical close of business.
My husband gifted himself this self-importance.
He believed money made him the most important member of the household. The busy man who worked on the school calendar and was free several months of the year.
There’s nothing fair or healthy about existing under one person.
It means no one else can shine.