Love Makes Our World Better

It is not easy, but in my experience nothing good comes cheap or easy!

Love is confusing at best Even in rare long lasting healthy relationships it has its struggles. Two people who come together communicate differently, were raised differently, and ultimately are two very different people. No matter how much they have in common, they also have differences. At best, healthy couples know how to navigate those differences in positive ways with positive healthy outcomes. At worst, it becomes toxic and unhealthy for one or both people.

Love is the most desired emotion and yet the most feared

We all have the innate need from the time we are born to be loved. We need to feel attached securely to our parents as newborns. If we lack secure attachment from the start then we already face setbacks in future relationships, without even consciously knowing in most cases.

Often, we self-sabotage what we desire the most. We fear being rejected or abandoned due to not having that secure attachment in adolescence and so because of that very fear we end up abandoning ourselves in the process.

Signs of Self-Abandonment include:

• People pleasing, seeking external validation, putting other’s needs above your own
• Hiding your own interests and not sharing your feelings
• Being overly self-critical, being a perfectionist
• Being Co-dependent in relationships, not setting boundaries, letting people take advantage of you
• Pushing others away to avoid feeling rejection

It seems we often choose the wrong person. We cannot seem to find someone who returns the same love we give. The truth is, we are simply giving it to the wrong people beause in fact, we do not yet love and accept ourselves. Each person will hold a mirror up to us and there is a reason we are attracted to that person. The lesson will continue until it is learned. The truth is we need to break our own self-limiting pattern. There is a level of comfort that we find in that person even if it is toxic.

“Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.” ~Pema Chodron

The trick is to build our own self-confidence before entering the next relationship. The relationship we have with our self is the foundation for a solid loving relationship we desire with a partner. First, we have to know, love, and accept ourselves.

Signs of a Healthy Relationship:

• You can communicate openly even when you disagree
• You appreciate each other
• You encourage each other’s growth
• You have complete trust
• You help each other through difficult times and situations and resolve conflict
• You feel like equal partners
• You feel heard and feel comfortable expressing yourself
• You have emotional, spiritual, physical, and intellectual intimacy
• You show gestures of love equally to each other
• You speak each other’s love language
• You are playful and lighthearted together
• You speak highly of one another to others
• You love each other as is and accept each other completely

Mercury Retrograde Wants to Shake Life Up and Mess With You We are currently in Mercury retrograde September 27, 2021-October 18, 2021. Mercury retrograde is a three-week period that occurs a few times a year and shakes things up in multiple ways from electronics to heart aches. It can make us do and say things we really do not mean, or do we? It can bring people from the past into the present and it really shakes life up. It can be an utterly confusing time. The planet appears to move backwards causing major disruptions. This time around I personally have put my phone on do not disturb and am hiding out in isolation hoping it all passes very quickly. I do not want to repeat past self-destructive habits. I know what happens when certain people return to my life. It usually ends in a total train wreck. It brings by PTSD back and nothing good comes of it. So here I sit writing. I ask myself all sorts of questions such as is this fate? What if I am meant to be with him and I am not listening? Maybe I should answer when “X” calls because I know he is worried…. But no because I am not myself and I do not want to talk. Ugh, I do not like this side of myself. But still I sit, and I practice self-love and acceptance, because I refuse to abandon myself.

I would rather isolate for a few short weeks and reach out through my writing than make tragic mistakes. I have learned enough in my forty-five years of life not to repeat mistakes or stay trapped on the hamster wheel of auto pilot. This too shall pass. Mercury Retrograde, just like all things in life, is temporary. And when it passes, I will be left with more clarity because I will have sat with myself. I am listening to music, reading, meditating, and practicing yoga. Sure, there is a bit of movie watching, cooking and wine drinking sprinkled in there too for my own personal enjoyment and sanity.

For now, I love myself, and that is all I need

For now, in this moment I am practicing self-love. And I am content. Love has the ability to take us to our highest highs and also our lowest lows, but the truth is, when we love and accept ourselves, set boundaries, and hold ourselves to a high level of self-respect we can maintain that base level of contentment that we need and deserve.

Good luck to you all during this period of time. Just remember, in general the world needs more love, just like we all do. Love elevates everything we do. It makes everything we do better. For me, when I have someone to share joys, concerns, laughters and tears life is just better- even the hard times seem easier. So, love yourself first. Then, give love freely when you can. Practice accpetance and appreciation for others because the truth is we are all struggling and we are on this journey together. When we have a partner who truly loves and respects us they give us space when we need it and they respect our boundaries and wishes.

I am sending you all love. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I hope you will comment and tell me how you are doing and your personal beliefs and experiences with Mercury Retrograde.