If you want to be seen you have to live loudly and authentically
Being seen and appreciated for who we are takes having the courage to live in our truths each and every day.
by: E.B. Johnson
One of the most challenging things we can do in this life is to learn how to live authentically. As humans, we are social creatures with a number of needs that can make it hard for us to break free from the pack. We need to be seen, and we crave authentic visibility, but that can be the hardest thing to seek when you’re living in a world or society that’s boxed in by fundamental pressures and expectations.
In order to truly be seen by the people we love — in order to feel truly fulfilled in this life — we have to live courageously and in line with our truths. This means making the right decisions for ourselves and finding a way to carve out a place in this world. It also means being brave enough to choose the right people to surround ourselves ourselves and making big leaps for our own personal healing and self-respect. If you want to be seen, learn how to see others and to acknowledge your deepest truths.
The value in visibility.
To be genuinely seen by the world is to feel as though all your deepest parts of self are validated. Although our own approval is the only approval that matters, there is a great deal to be said of feeling valued by a world that we respect. This takes, however, some brutal honesty and a commitment to building that world and surround ourselves with the right people and the right opportunities. There is true value in visibility, but learning how to live authentically is a challenge we must manage delicately.
Though it can be challenging to be seen by others, it gives us courage and it gives us motivation. Living a life hidden in the shadows or following the whims of others is a life in which we lose sight of who we are, and wind up in unhappy relationships and even more unhappy circumstances.
While the world spins out of control and becomes increasingly politically toxic, it’s up to us to create our own spheres of happiness and visibility in the small ways that we can. We have to stop depriving the world of our light and start being seen for who we are and the unique value and perspective that we bring to the world. Don’t allow yourself to hide forever in the shadows of conformity and unhappiness. Be who you were meant to be and use that to build a future you can be proud of.
What happens when we hide in the shadows.
Failing to live loudly and authentically in line with who we are is toxic, and it destroys our sense of self and the confidence and happiness we’re trying to build. Only when we realize these setbacks, can we find the power to overcome them. That alone requires courage, however, and taking a deeper look at the negativity we are absorbed from the world at large.
Losing ourselves
We lose ourselves when we live in the shadows or otherwise allow ourselves to be put in boxes that don’t quite fit. Authenticity is how we fully realize the width and breadth of our skills, abilities and understanding. Living as a replica of someone else’s design on life will leave you hollow, unhappy, unfulfilled and unrealized. Rather than losing ourselves, we should seek to discover more of who we are through journeys of authenticity.
Depriving the world of value
There are unique skills and perspectives that only you possess, and the world needs these differing perspectives more than ever. Failing to live in line with your authenticity deprives the world of this specific value and makes it a little darker for the lack of light. More than that, as we tread the world unhappily, we might lash out and find ourselves leaving a trail of pain. It’s better and safer for everyone that we live as who we are and find our deeper truths.
Unhappy relationships
Relationships — whether they be platonic or romantic — require us to come to one another with mutual honesty and with respect. When one (or both parties) come to the table without this, they can find themselves clashing and collapsing into their mutual insecurities and fears. Unhappy relationships, more often than not, result from a lack of authenticity and the resulting implosion of expectations that come from it. If you want to build lasting and healthy relationships, it helps to come to the table as an authentic and well-rounded human being.
Imploded self-esteem
The longer you deny your true needs and desires, the worse you will find yourself feeling about who you are. Our self-esteem is based largely in how we allow ourselves to see what we do and how we behave. Twisting these images to fit the ideals of others (or burying them because we think they are wrong or unwanted) erodes the natural confidence that we feel, and it takes away our ability to build ourselves up from the inside out. Living in truth is what gives us the courage to feel better about ourselves.
Resentment and contempt
Living your life devoid of authenticity will lead to resentment of self, and it will lead to contempt in nearly every aspect of your life. You must live in line with who you really are, or you risk leaving a trail of devastation in your wake. Going through life with someone else’s happiness in focus will cause you to resent yourself, and it will cause you to resent them too. Living for a world without having your own internal validation will bring you only contempt.
Benefits of living in the light of your own truth.
Once we understand how a lack of authenticity undermines our happiness, we can get proactive about course-correcting and getting back on track to who we are. Stop allowing the opinions of others to shadow the truth. Being authentic brings the right people into your life and helps you to thrive.
Being seen by the right people
When you allow yourself to live authentically, you allow your light to shine and that light becomes a beacon to others. It’s critical that we find the right people in this life and then surround ourselves with them at all times. These are the people who encourage you to be the best version of yourself and people who encourage you to get the things you want in this life. They don’t tell you to hide who you are, and they don’t flinch when you express the full extent of your beauty. Living loudly and authentically allows you to finally be seen by the right people (whether personally or professionally).
Inner pride and courage
Inner pride and courage are some of the biggest benefits of learning to live a life that is aligned with your core truths. True and lasting inner pride occurs when you can finally be proud of who you are and the journey you’ve made to get here; and when you can live in courage and let go of that compulsive need to give into your insecurities or conceal who you are. Only when we’ve put that inner critic to bed and embraced the fullness of who we are can we put on that suit of armor that protects us from the world.
A bigger sense of the world
If you feel as though your authentic self is too big for the world that you’re in, then you need to create a bigger world. Not all of us are meant to live forever in the families were born into. Not all of us were meant to spend eternity in the same hometown, or the same city. That’s okay. Figure out who you are, and you’ll open the door on an even bigger world of possibility. No matter how weird or off-beat you are, there’s someone out there like you (not exactly, but like you). When we expand our vision of self, we expand our vision of the world at large.
Greater idea of conviction
Being authentic and true to yourself is motivating. It invigorates you and gives you a new energy to go after the future you know you have to build. As you become more inspired, your conviction increases and you become more determined to seek those things which align to your truest and basest of needs. You stop cowering in fear and are better able to empower yourself and get proactive about putting the naysayers to bed and your happiness in the driver’s seat.
Validating our truths
The only validation in this life that can bring us true fulfillment is that from within. Only we can decide to be happy with ourselves, and only we can decide whether we’re on the right path or not. However, when we live authentically and truthfully in our light, we can often find that we suddenly receive that outward validation that we were always looking for (in all the wrong places). Living out loud and in truth creates the environment that will reward you for being who you are. It’s just a process that takes time and a faith in the future you’re creating.
How to live loudly and authentically in your truth.
You don’t have to keep denying who you are or what you want forever. You can start living loudly and authentically right now — today — and you can do it by utilizing a few basic techniques.
1. Release your attachment to opinions
Our attachment to the opinions of other people is toxic, especially when it comes at the expense of our own authentic experience on this planet. We were not meant to live in shame and fear. Each of us was put here with a unique way of seeing things, and a unique set of skills that can benefit some part of our society. These core pieces of who we are get lost and buried, however, in the rat race that is life. When we release our attachment to the opinions of other people, we can fully realize who we are and what we want from our futures.
Release your attachment to the opinions of other people. Understand that your opinion of self, alone, is the only one that you have to make peace with when it all comes down to the end. If you live for someone else’s definition of happiness, you might make them happy — but what about your happiness? When they are gone (as they inevitably will be one day) what will you be left with?
While the opinions of our family and our friends can be helpful guidance which shapes our perspective of self, who we are at our core cannot be defined by other people. We have to identify our own individual needs, express those needs earnestly, and then create the type of environment that satisfies those needs. Think of yourself a bit like a self-sewing and fertilizing plant. You need to put yourself in the right environment to grow and give yourself the right nourishment to thrive. Listen to others, but don’t make their changeable opinions the food of life.
2. Question yourself and actively listen
As humans, we have an ability to pick up on the traits, behaviors and attributes of the people around us; incorporating them into our own behaviors and losing ourselves before we fully realize what’s been lost. We do this because we want to fit in, and we want to please people. We emulate the examples that have been set for us, but many of us fail to fully question those examples or who we really even are.
Start questioning who you are and what you believe and actively listen to the responses your conscious and subconscious give you. Redefine your values and do it by questioning the core of who you are and getting into the meat of what you want from this life. Don’t shy away from the truth and don’t allow shame or regret to prevent you from making the right moves for you.
Probe into the heart of who you are. Question your definitions of love and partnership, question the people who have told you how to live your life. Look into their intentions. Consider who benefits when you fail to live in the way you want to live. Your needs and your happiness are just as worthwhile and valuable as that of any other single person’s on this planet. Don’t just follow the crowd. Question every step of the way and actively look for your authenticity in the answers that follow.
3. Get a third-party perspective of your own
Life is challenging and learning how to become a more complete version of ourselves is even more challenging. As quickly as you think you’re doing well, a hardship or setback presents itself and causes us to question what we’re doing and how we’re doing. When bad things happen, they have a funny way of taking up our whole point of view, but that can often cause us to lose sight of the fact that this discomfort is temporary. Learning how to take a step back and get a third-party perspective is an invaluable tool when things aren’t going our way.
When you find yourself facing negative responses, opinions, or even your own insecure reactions — it’s important to take a breath, take a beat, and then take a removed or detached look at what’s threatening us, or making feel emotional and less-than.
Don’t react the minute something doesn’t go your way. Don’t get emotion when someone doesn’t “get” who you are or what you stand for. Your authenticity isn’t meant for those people. It’s not for them to understand. And it’s not for them to celebrate or enjoy. It’s for those who dance to the beat of the same drum as you; the members of your true tribe. The better you get at peeling back the layers and delaying your emotional responses, the more you will come to understand this reality. Don’t dive into the deep end when negativity comes creeping. Instead, take a detached perspective and see things from a different angle.
4. Open your mind and cultivate awareness
Self-awareness is an invaluable tool when it comes to living in authenticity. When we cultivate greater self-awareness, we open up our minds and see our emotions, our desires and our needs for what they truly are. We have to stop running away from ourselves and learn to be still and present in the skin that we’re in. Notice how you’re feeling. Feel worthy of your own dreams and be aware of the skills and abilities you need to cultivate to get there.
To begin living in your truth, open up your mind and expand your definition of what the world can be. Too often, we allow our ideas of a future to become warped by the reality of other people. Be the master of your own reality and realize that there is a path to get everything you want, you’ve just got to brave enough to embrace it.
Listen to that person inside that’s screaming the right answers to you. Embrace your emotions for what they are, and work through them rather than pretending they don’t exist each time things get tough. Take your emotional temperature and find greater happiness in this life through cultivating a greater understanding of who you are. Love yourself, and love the things you need in this life, because they are worthy and right for you.
5. Notice the backslides
No long journey can be traveled overnight, and in the same way our own personal journeys must occur in stages and in phases. As we work to accept who we are and how we want to live, we’re going to notice backslides or little pit-stops that cause us to slow down, get sidetracked, or even stop us in our tracks altogether. Learning to live proudly isn’t about doing it without mistake. It’s about doing it despite the mistakes and setbacks that will inevitably happen along the way.
Notice when you are sliding back into in-authenticity, or when you are trying to bury yourself again in the name (or wishes) of someone else. Don’t punish yourself, or give up on the fight. Simply notice them and then consider what steps you need to get yourself back on track.
Detach yourself from the emotion and keep yourself focused on solutions. Notice how you feel, but remove the power it has over you. You can revel in the good emotions when you get to the finish line. For now, notice your negative emotions, let them in and then put them in the back seat. Don’t let the hangups and the hurdles keep you from doing what you were ultimately meant to do — be seen and celebrated by the people around you.
6. Release the shame
You have to release any of the shame that might be following you, and you have to let go of the guilt you feel around breaking with other people’s expectations. Though the way other people see us can be important, it should never be the defining factor in our lives. There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself, and breaking with the things that other people desire. We alone are the people who know what can make us happy, and we alone are the ones who can define our sense of love.
Let go of that shame that you feel and give that guilt back to the people it belongs to. You are not responsible for the comfort and happiness of other people. We are each responsible for our own happiness and finding our own definition of fulfillment.
Express the love you feel for the important ones in your life, but also express the love you have for yourself by living truthfully. Have enough respect for yourself to prioritize your own happiness as much as you value that of your loved ones, friends or coworkers. Get rid of that guilt and stop allowing this erroneous concept of who you should and shouldn’t be call the shots. This world — this entire reality — is literally what we make of it. If we want it to change, we have to be that change and we have to start today.
Putting it all together…
More than anything, what each of us wants from this life (and the people we love) is to be seen. Being visible means being able to live in your authentic truth, without fear, or shame, or feeling as though you have to hide what you really want. Though this is a hard journey to navigate, it’s one with so many transformative benefits, and so many new experiences. Want to start being seen? Start being honest with yourself and living in line with your truths.
Let go of the attachment you feel to the opinions of others. Though they may be important to you, or close to you — at the end of the day, you are the only person who is going to have to live with your decisions. Question yourself, and through this serious line of questioning, discover who you are and what you want. Start taking a step back, and learn how to take a third-party point of view before you get emotional, react, or otherwise turn your back on an opportunity that might be the right fit for you. Open up your mind, and cultivate a deeper awareness of who you are, how you’re feeling and what you want; do it regularly. Notice the backslides, but don’t allow them to prevent you from reaching your ultimate purpose. It’s easy to fall back into old habits, but it doesn’t mean we aren’t still making positive transformations or going in the right direction. Release the shame and know that authenticity is the only way to be truly seen and valued for who you are.
