Is There a Perfectly Developed Man, Part II: Childhood

Do not let time fly by when you find this man — it is in your best interest, trust me and trust all the stories about “lazy men” and trauma. Find your motivation to not settle for an image in your head of a man you should run from

I have storied around this topic a few times. Each piece offers another view or peels back another layer. Today it is about childhood.

We will bring in several Medium Writers and other references into the mix later. The references I use are writers who have given me permission to use their content.

Starts in Psychology

A good man must be a good leader.

Nature was the dad [in reference to personality disorder] — Danashia Walker, LCSW, Behavioral Health Clinical Program manager, #C008528

It is common among us who work in the world of the mind, personalities, and disorders that something influenced you, influencing who you are today and your leadership properties.

Dr. Kathleen Berger in her textbook, The Developing Person Through the Lifespan — and every other psychologist, clinical psychologist, and Ph.D. holder — talks about how the brain is malleable during development. Starting in prenatal, the baby is developing into who they will be.

For a boy to develop into a good human male he will need some supports that will healthily mold him during his brain developing stages. He will need a mother and a father, not perfect parents (because brains are resilient), but parents who have a handle on life. Chris Kyle, Navy SEAL, talked about his parents and how he grew up in Texas. He went on to being a SEAL.

King David, in the Bible (who we will talk about again), did not have the same type of family that Chris did. David ended up being bad in relationships.

In childhood, every boy needs to be developed in the following areas:

• humility
• love
• sacrifice and facing fear
• not quitting, not even emotionally
• he needs to be active (if he has a physical disability he will need to find something to substitute it, such as physical therapy and what he can in the gym)
• he needs wins. Chris Kyle had won a rodeo belt, soldiers survive battle, David killed a lion and a bear, sport figures thrive when they win
• learning when they lose and being malleable in order to grow and adapt
• understanding femininity and her strength and value, and respecting and honoring her — and defending her honor
• life skills
• leadership and teaching proficiency

Society looks at my list here and says,

“Eh, whatever. Women will live; not like their homes would have been good without a deadbeat man in it anyways. She would have made the same decision anyway and men who get the pearl rewards before they should have, turn abusive in words or physical until they find another victim when she stops responding like a victim to his abuse. She died inside. He killed her and made it so she can never love or trust again. His mission is accomplished, he has killed her. She’s a monster magnet. We can’t do anything about it. Men are men, development is a figment.”

Don’t be a monster magnet.

Female Artist, Lady XOXO, “I ain’t seen you with money before that unemployment”. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vVVD7wHWM8&list=PLj9iI4m-htJSdsGNIGnwxlNAp3vAU70Kh&index=6

In His Boyhood

Like a boy in 1934 who had to walk two miles just to get turned away by her father, and he was respectful and took the long trek back. His mother says, “be a man if you want to do men stuff, her father needs to see a man”. He did not die or quit. He took the experience scar and wore it with pride. He listened to his parents (loving mother and rough dad). He did have a support system to return if he was hurt — a home base that promotes good development.

He walked back the next day, this time with flowers. Her father took the flowers and threw them down in the flower garden. “silly boy. Look at your hands”, his father said.

The boy came back the next day with a baseball cap and gloves. The boy grew to understand that the dad is just a human. He asked if her father needed help on the farm. Her father said, “let me see you work, boy. I’m sure your dad taught you that if you work, you eat. That’s how the world works. I don’t ask people for anything. I earned everything I have.”

Later, when the boy made it through weeks of hard work and COMPLETE OBEDIENCE TO HER FATHER in his work standards and instructions, the mother made the father invite him for dinner. The boy passed the dinner-ethics test, too. The parents were able to see if the boy can live in this world and is not “off”. It’s like natural selection.

The girl was able to understand why boys must always go through this. There’s no other way to really see who a person is outside of seeing them in different situations and seeing if they respond relevantly. The boy did not act like an adult.

That weekend the father paid for their first ice-cream date.

If respect was given to the father, he would not need to fear him. Fear is for those who hide skeletons in the closet.

The boy now was learning how to provide, not give up when things go wrong, and push through his laziness WITHOUT expecting anything. Her father knew that men have a lazy bone that needs to be popped out, which is what love is for men. This is only possible if she had a good father herself to look out for her and to showcase masculinity and fatherhood.

It’s Generational

It’s not up to me how my parents are or yours are. They are what they are. Own it, move on. Pull that rock out of your heart and plant something that will bring a return in. Till your heart nice and smooth, and plant good things. The boy might not have skills, but he tills himself and plants opportunity. That is a boy with a good head on his shoulders. He might not have knowledge of the female brain, but he tills himself and plants opportunity (he buys the book The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine, MD, and doesn’t think he knows more than she does). He might not have humility, but he tills himself and plants opportunity. Any potential area of improvement is worked on.

Men are lions. They adapt, learn only by large and healthy males (men who keep failing themselves are not teachers, their life is merely a teaching point), and excel or they die trying. Natural Selection for human men is about how they can attract women and maintain life. All men can, but will they?

Conclusion

Life is combat. Only warriors win. Boys need to understand that and have the courage to smile and strap the parachute on.

Special Forces Army Selection / SFAS just tests, not trains. Life is not going to train him. Life will throw him away. Special Forces will train those who pass the entry requirements of SFAS.

Basic Training is done before SFAS and is lifelong. What he has done before he arrived is all his fault — or his parents (as elegantly spoken by Kathleen Berger, Ph.D. in the Developing Person Through the Lifespan textbook). Side note: There is a Special Forces entry program called 18X, where the basic trainees to directly to an SF training camp to prepare for SFAS, but that is a different topic. The topic would be church, for example, if churches promoted professional development.

Women, do not think you owe a man anything. Special Warfare Training is done when they are selected; if they passed the first nature test — basic life. The higher tier he goes, the equivalent woman-category is obtained. So, women, you don’t just show up, either. You have your own natural selection or SFAS. You marry at your level of life and decision-making. Men have to want you. CIA, Special Forces, SEALs, pilots, doctors, philanthropists, etc. are examples of top tier, the woman-standard is just as high. Be who high-tier men choose or develop yourself to be that. I married perfectly, never would I date below my standard.

No one asked my opinion or your opinion, just as nature did not ask, either. We cannot change nature, no matter how much you or I pout like a baby. Mature adults adjust and succeed. If you want a high-tier man, woman, be who Dr. Louann Brizendine teaches about, in relation to what men subconsciously pursue.

And we don’t want a self-forced “masculine” woman, just to be clear. Masculinity is based on brain chemicals, hormones, and more. Live who you are. If you are not feminine, see if there is a fear factor or self-esteem issue. Never know. Or don’t, I don’t care. Natural selection will pass you or select you based on the work you put in up to this point. That is all on you. You can look at your untilled life and say “I don’t think I should have to _______ [fill in the blank]”.

Life doesn’t care, just like Special Forces Instructors. They will fail you and they will be happy with their decision. In SF training, they only like those who have the SF personality already. So, raise your sons to be selected. And since they need a good man in the mix (they do, they always will, or they will be a David), pick a selected man who has passed life-testing.

Even if a man helped birth a child, that does not mean he should raise one. Victors beget victors. No other way. If a biological father, or better worded “sperm donor” is a father, then what about a rapist or a human trafficking financier?

There are many men who fought for years and still dropped out. But, being a good man in reference to life is something all men can be, paraplegic, cancer survivor, heart transplant recipient, etc. It’s a mind and spirit thing, not a physical thing. Stop looking for your over-testosterone man or jock with a neurological chemical imbalance — two can play this game. Are you a perfect Barbie? No? maybe you should be passed up, too, then. Ha-ha. I lived through my trials and I love my life, why should I pick you when what you look for in men can be gone after one-car crash?

A Special Forces Soldier stayed back to suppress fire at the enemy as other members jumped the little cliff in the mountains of Afghanistan to the helicopter. He was hit by a sniper in the arm and it took his arm off. He got cover from other members, as he picked his arm up off the ground and jumped down the cliff to the helicopter. He survived with his self-esteem attached.

Develop your little boy to not let external factors dictate his attitude. Jocks lose a game and throw things, because he gets his validation from the game and not from a higher-level principle.

Thanks for reading! Thanks for the positive comments!! Thanks for the generous claps!!! Thanks for sharing!!!!

Part I:

Feel free throughout this miniseries to bring in some content. Writing, for me, is a business because I write about things I work in. Healthy and Psychoneurobiological Development is my field. I just follow what nature has already given us. See and do and teach, not hard.

*This content is mine. Quote it properly. Thanks.

Joshua J. Lyon, BSQP, CNP

“Love, Lead, and Learn so other can be healthy and happy in mind, body, and spirit” — my motto

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