Instead of Following the Crowd, Start Liking Yourself
15 ways to master the skill of treating yourself better.
There are many skills that make life easier. Like learning how to drive, how to read, and how to be smart with money.
Yet, the most essential skill is not a technical one.
To make your life better, learn to love yourself — your body, your personality, your choices, the whole package.
We live in a world where not loving yourself is the default.
You might be rolling your eyes right now. After all, the social media world is buzzing with hashtags about #self-love. But the buzz has its reasons.
We live in a world where not loving yourself is the default. We need to switch up this trend and embrace the power of liking yourself.
When you look up “self-love”, synonyms like egotism, aloofness, vanity, disdain, conceitedness pop up. The way society has programmed us to regard self-love screams of abuse.
Not loving yourself affects all aspects of your life.
For example, you may learn how to invest money, but unless you feel worthy of abundance, money won’t come to you easily. Self-love is the highest frequency for manifesting abundance.
If you feel insecure, you fear loneliness and become clingy. This sabotages your every relationship.
When you care too much about what others think, you will follow the crowd instead of your guts. You gather material possessions and obsess with status to compensate for what you seem to lack.
To sum up, when you suck at loving yourself, you make wrong decisions.
So, yes. Self-love is the ultimate skill for a good life.
How do you know when a person loves themselves?
When somebody holds themselves in high regards, they expect the same treatment from others.
- They can easily say “no” if an offer goes against their values.
- They expect good things in life.
- They believe in themselves and don’t get easily discouraged by the opinions of others.
- They are masters at setting boundaries. They don’t put up with shitty treatment.
From the points above, you can recognize whether you love yourself.
- Are you comfortable with yourself?
- Do you accept your flaws?
- How do you feel when you make a mistake? Do you criticize yourself and feel ashamed? Or do you accept the misstep and try again?
- How much do you care about what other people think? Do you place their judgments above your own?
If you accept yourself the way you are, that’s the end of this article for you. But if any doubts linger, read on.
Self-love is the ultimate skill for a good life.
How can I learn to love myself?
The answer is simple: practice.
The technique, however, is more complicated. It takes self-discipline, vulnerability, and patience.
It all comes down to your self-image.
When somebody is successful in forming healthy relationships or in their professional life, it doesn’t mean they are lucky. Successful people have a strong self-image that boosts their stamina, self-worth, and self-love.
Everyone operates by a picture formed in their minds about how they always look, what they are always capable of and so on.
This self-image is the result of:
- your parents’ relationship with their bodies (and yours),
- hurtful comments you picked up in kindergarten or during family gatherings,
- media portrayals of photoshopped celebrities,
- how you dealt with failure from a young age…
The list can be endless. You know the drill.
Since your self-image comes from piled-up assumptions, you won’t change it overnight. It takes time. So don’t buy into the cult of quick results. They are not long-lasting and do not offer fundamental lessons.
Everything you need to aim for takes time. That includes:
1. Awareness.
You cannot change what you don’t recognize.
What do you believe about yourself? Do you believe you have a fast metabolism or gain weight quickly? Do you think you learn new things fast? Or have you bought into the belief that you are not smart enough?
Observe how you explain your mistakes. Listen to your inner talk when you fail at something important.
We all have a mental scenario about ourselves that we replay in our heads. The key lies in decoding the narrative about our failures and successes.
2. Think new thoughts.
It is time for a new scenario. The one where you thrive, think better of yourself and cheer yourself on your way to success.
This new scenario is not based on fears and illusions recorded from childhood.
It consists of compassion, self-belief, and respect. To feel better about yourself, you have to believe you are kind, beautiful, and loving.
When you think about a possible encounter with another person, see them as loving, beautiful and kind. Next, imagine them looking at you the same way. They are mesmerized by your smile, your passion for life and the generosity you radiate.
Persist with this mental picture wherever you are going and whatever you are doing. Practice this like it’s your new religion.
Had you felt loved and appreciated, how would you respond to a stranger? Would you smile? Would you hold the door open for them when they’re carrying groceries? Do exactly that.
Once you start acting in alignment with your new beliefs, your subconscious will project the new scenario onto your life, and you will become the star of a new, kinder movie.
3. Ignore the outside world.
You will stumble on dreamy pictures of celebrities that make you feel terrible about your body. And outside voices may pile up on that. Nasty comments will happen, from strangers or acquaintances or even from loved ones.
How you handle the outside noise determines your inner peace.
Persistence in your new narrative is crucial to changing the reality around you. Let the remarks wash over you.
See through the illusions brought to you by marketing. Don’t trust anyone trying to sell you something.
Don’t trust the nasty comments either. They stem from people who feel insecure. Feel compassion towards them.
Nothing can change until you decide to make the change.
People treat us the way we trained them and allowed them to treat us. When you nurture yourself, people treat you better as well.
How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.
— Rupi Kaur
Quick Tips to Boost Self-Love:
- Quit talking badly about yourself.
- Accept compliments instead of pointing out your flaws.
- Accept gifts instead of making yourself insignificant.
- Accept attention instead of shying away from it.
- When something good happens in your life, celebrate it.
- Forgive yourself and others.
- Spend time alone. It will make you a better friend.
- Trust your intuition.
- Do what ignites your passions. Even if it is weird. Especially if others think it is weird.
- Take care of your body.
- Face your fears and uncomfortable emotions.
- Go on a date with… yourself. Allow others to serve you. Appreciate the good service by leaving a generous tip. Giving makes us feel better.
- Cut draining people out of your life.
- Change “I can’t” into “It is possible”.
- Be YOU.
Self-love is about authenticity.
In the era of glossy feeds, it’s easy to believe we need to be perfect to be loveable. But it is a downright lie we accepted for too long.
When you embrace authenticity and live true to your passions, you operate from an abundant mindset. There is nothing more alluring than being unbothered by the judgment of the outside world and living life on your terms.
Self-love is the foundation of happiness but it cannot thrive on outside changes. It pours from the inside.
Make sure you make it your top priority.
Fall in love with yourself until you finally feel like home.
— Juansen Dizon,
Thank you for being here, — Kate