In Praise of Exuberant Geezers Who Live, Love, and Laugh ’til They Die

You, too, can be an EG. Start now, and you’ll not only become a radical elder, you’ll have a better life on the way.

Zelda was my first “exuberant geezer,” although I hadn’t yet coined the phrase. She picked me up at as I exited a tennis court in Miami. Her opening line was perfect.

“You have a nice stroke, dear.” How could I not stop to talk with her?

“Thank you. This is the first time I played in over twenty years.”

“Well, keep it up, honey. You’ll get better. I’ve been playing for more than seventy.”

She had me at hello, this tiny woman, all in white, sporting an oversized racket. Her piercing blue eyes, her big smile — she exuded warmth and delight. She used “dear” and “honey” liberally, which doesn’t usually feel right coming from a stranger. From her, it felt loving.

“Seventy years? You must have started playing as a kid,” I said, wanting to know more about this obviously special woman. She had a raspy voice and a deeply-wrinkled face, but there was nothing “old” about her.

“No, I started when I was 21,” she answered.

I was in my early 60s, she her early 90s. Zelda walked three miles every morning, played tennis until age 99. When friends visited from New York, I threw dinner parties in her honor.

Fifteen years earlier, I had met Henrietta, who was 31 years older than me, and then Zelda. But I wasn’t yet consciously seeking “good” older women who I’d eventually call “my old ladies.”

Still, I knew — without needing to give myself a reason — that Zelda was worth watching and listening to.

Zelda’s motto was live, laugh, and love. She was a charming Borsch Belt wannabe who regaled us with dirty jokes and performed at senior centers. She did not care that time ravaged her face. She readily admitted her age.

I had no idea that someday, I’d spontaneously spit out the term exuberant geezerhood, but I know Zelda, who died in 2011, just short of 105, would have loved it.

Why Keep Looking for “Good” Elders?

I have a battalion of old ladies now, much older friends who have bettered my own later years. I won’t/can’t live their lives; each of us has a distinct path. Still, they inspire and inform me — and helps me ward off the dreadful messages of ageism.

In the meantime, I’ve become an old lady myself! (I was interviewed about my old ladies on a Crow’s Feet podcast in January, where you can hear Zelda, too.)

At first, my old ladies were at least 20 to 25 years old, but as I near 80 myself, I’ve had to relax the age requirement! As Zelda taught me, “Honey, at a certain point in life, everyone’s gone, and you have to replenish!”

One of my “new” old ladies is Patricia Ross, whom I met on Medium. I knew from her words and the stories she told, that she was an older person I wanted to know better. Not much older, but ahead of me on the road of life nonetheless.

I wrote about Patricia in “My Old Ladies Are Getting Younger, but I’m Not — and That’s Okay”:

Patricia Ross, whom I met on Medium through our writing, inspired me to rethink the age limit in the first place. “Only” six years older, Patricia has lived a long, interesting, and challenging life. We’ve chatted cross-country on Zoom. I love her mind, her ideas. She’s someone I can learn from.

A few months later, when our podcast team decided to feature Patricia — an accomplished concert pianist, a professional photographer who studied under Ansel Adams, and now, at 84, still working as a psychotherapist, I happily volunteered to be the host.

And thus the term exuberant geezer was born. It just popped out of my mouth as we were talking, and I knew Patricia would not be insulted.

7 Qualities of Exuberant Geezerhood

If you listen to the episode, you’ll hear in the trajectory of Patricia’s unusual and rich life, many of the qualities that inspired me to call her “an exuberant geezer.”

You can be one, too — or maybe you already are.

Competence

Patricia has two grown daughters as well as grandchildren, but she lives alone, fends for herself, solves her own problems. When mold in her apartment forced her to move and downsize — a daunting undertaking at any age — she didn’t moan, “Poor me!” Instead, she mustered her strength, relied on her intelligence, and drew from past experience.

Curiosity

Curiosity might have killed the cat, but it keeps humans alive and feeling excited. Patricia stresses the importance of staying open and continually learning. It’s a gift at any age to be surprised or to have a new experience. Curiosity keeps you in the game. Patricia is now exploring the science of chlandi plates that show how sound can be translated into visual images.

Flexibility

Patricia has arthritis. She no longer records herself at the piano, but she still plays because it gives her pleasure and keeps her fingers moving. Aging often ushers in limitations. We might not be as mentally or physically agile as we once were. Instead of throwing up arms in despair, an exuberant geezer like Patricia shifts, redefines, gets creative. She pivots.

Resilience

Being able to cope with and recover from setbacks is a central quality of exuberant geezers. It’s not that bad things don’t happen to resilient people. Patricia had to deal with her husbands’ mental decline and eventual death. But she managed to harness her coping skills, ride out the emotions, and set a new course that allowed her to embrace life.

Self-Awareness

Even before studying psychology, Patricia looked inward and at her own past: how being raised in a family “riddled with alcoholism” shaped her, how classmates and fellow travelers altered her path, and how her personality, talents, and interests play an ongoing role in her particular drama. Especially in her work as a therapist, self-understanding, “allows me to stay on my side of the fence.”

Sociability

People need people. Especially as we age, we all might take a page from Zelda’s playbook. She was an instantly likeable pick-up artist who knew how to start a conversation and keep it going. She was interesting and interested in what you had to say. In short, Zelda knew how to “replenish.”

Spunk

“Spunk” is shorthand for courage and spirit — a willingness to go for it. Exuberant geezers have the wherewithal to get the job done and on their own terms. They scoff at the notion of being “age-appropriate.” Patricia Ross’s spunk is evident in her writing — a collection of unselfconsciously honest and brave tales from a long life.

In short, exuberant geezers love to laugh, take care of themselves, and wake up each day with purpose. They rarely complain. They keep themselves busy instead!

Listen to Patricia’s interview here to see why she inspired the term. And if you know any EGs or are one yourself, feel free to add other qualities in the comments section.

Melinda Blau is an award-winning journalist, currently working on her 16th book about the power and promise of relationships with much older women. You can find her on social media via LinkTree.