I Dated A Pumpkin Spice Nymphomaniac — Here’s What Happened.

A spicy Halloween love story.

As a European, I spent the first twenty years of my life oblivious of how pumpkin spice tasted, looked, or even existed.

Except for what I saw in the movies — and usually didn’t understand — I was barely aware of deeply rooted US traditions like Halloween or Thanksgiving. Later in life, my wife and in-laws made sure to change that. Extra sure.

There might be things my American wife doesn’t understand about Europe, but there’s no chance the converse could be true.

This is the story of how I discovered pumpkin spice.

When I was twenty-two, my youngest sister, ten at the time, won a trip to Disney World.

It was one of these silly cereal box raffles. I don’t remember the brand (and neither does she, I just got her text), but it doesn’t matter.

It was the first prize, and it was a very generous all-expenses covered one-week-long round trip to Disney World for two. The kind of prize all the kids her age dreamed of. There were no words to express my sister’s elation.

None of our parents spoke English, and I was the only adult child in our family, so I was the chosen one. Anyway, my sister would have picked me because she loved me. And I loved her.

We arrived on July 10.

Disney World was packed, but we didn’t care. Everything was magical to our eyes. And we were staying at the Jambo House of Disney’s Animal Kingdom Lodge, so we had extra time in the mornings and evenings compared to the daily visitors.

Jambo House had one advantage over all the other available resorts in Disney World: a swimming pool. The pool wasn’t so remarkable, but the 20-year-old lifeguard, who was nice to my sister and cute as a pumpkin, was VERY remarkable.

So much so that we exchanged addresses, emails, and phone numbers. We started writing to each other daily as soon as I was back in Europe while she was still by the pool, missing me.

At one point, a new player entered the game, sex talk. It was a new dimension in our correspondence, and we both enjoyed it as much as we were frustrated to keep it in written words only.

Until she sent her famous Halloween text.

It was the beginning of “decorative gourd season,” and she was as excited as a Pomeranian dog about to eat a kurobuta sausage.

“I wish you were there. I would cover you in pumpkin spice and snort it directly from your body.”

She then described in explicit detail what she would do with the pumpkin spice. And how she would snort it.

It was too much for me.

I couldn’t stand the sexual tension anymore.

When I read her messages, I realized two things, this woman was crazy, and I was falling in love with her.

I bought a plane ticket for Monday, asked my boss if I could work online for two weeks, and told my little sister I was flying back to the US.

In that order.

The following Monday, I went to the airport, flew for 11 hours, landed at 3 PM, was stuck in the immigration lines for three hours, got my luggage at six, did some shopping, took a shower, rode a train, drove a bus, and finally walked up the stairs.

At 8:44 PM, I was standing in front of apartment 3E.

That’s when I did one of the craziest things in my life.

She lived on the third floor out of seven. It was almost 9 PM on a Monday. Things were pretty calm, but someone could still show up.

It didn’t stop me.

I stripped naked.

I took a pumpkin spice shower with the boxes I had bought at the airport.

And I rang the bell.

The rest is the hottest Halloween story ever. We celebrate its anniversary every year.

I can’t wait!

kasey sparks is the sponsor of your article today. Her comment on a recent story made me want to share this Halloween anecdote.

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