I Dated a Nymphomaniac. Here’s What Happened.

It was back in college.

I was a major in statistics, and she was studying political science; we had nothing in common but a love for making up numbers and convincing people based on scant evidence.

We were debating the usage of voting intention polls and surveys, and I was winning when she came back out of nowhere with an argument using the nymphomaniac peak of 2011 as a reference. It didn’t make sense, but the audience — full of hormonal students — got sexually aroused at the word nymphomaniac and ruled in her favor.

As the total nerd I was — and still am, I checked her sources as soon as the debate ended. She was right, of course. Her brilliance was never in making up things. It was in providing irrelevant information at the right time to draw the audience’s attention away.

I was stuck looking at this graph for five minutes, and I would have stayed there longer if she hadn’t come to me and asked, “do you know who’s the biggest nymphomaniac on the campus?”

I smiled sheepishly, afraid of what was coming next.

“It’s Professor Lujuriaska. She’s uncontrollable — while I’m only excessive. Wanna give it a try?”

It was one of her elaborate jokes, and I must say it has always been a huge turn-on for me. Lujuriaska was a made-up name based on “lujuria,” which means lust in Spanish. And the whole thing was based on the Oxford dictionary definition of nymphomaniac, “a woman with uncontrollable or excessive sexual desire.”

As a statistician, I knew a lot about what qualifies as excessive sexual desire. Sex-related polls are a must-discuss topic in Statistics 101. They’re guaranteed to get the students’ attention and are full of learning lessons.

A typical example is when we ask people about masturbation.

“Did you masturbate at least once during the last thirty days?” will always get you fewer positive answers than the following question, “did you experience pleasure while touching yourself at least once during the last thirty days?”

As my professor used to say, “some people should let their cat watch them masturbate; it would help them ‘wash’ the shame away.”

Another example is when you ask people about the number of sexual partners they had last year. Comparing men’s and women’s answers leads you to believe there are 17 times more women than men on the planet. Because men usually exaggerate their number by a few orders of magnitude, while women tend to decrease it.

I was about to quote this study when she said, “yeah, I know all about the statistical anomalies in sex-related polling. No need to lecture me. I’m a statistical anomaly myself, which is why I’ll ask you the question again. Wanna give it a try?”

Unbelievable. It looked like she was reading my mind.

The sex that night confirmed that theory. She did to me all the things I had always been too shy to mention to my other partners. It was even better than the threesome I had in Barcelona the year before.

The morning after, she was in the middle of her yoga routine when I woke up. “Join me. I will show you how yoga can give you the best blowjob of your life.”

I couldn’t believe she would top the one she had given me the night before, but she did. And that’s how I fell in love with a strong, beautiful, intelligent, and nymphomaniac woman.

With thanks to Jillian Spiridon for the (unwilling) push to write my story:

Be careful. One could easily fall in love with her creativity and writing prowess.