avatarAldric Chen

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Abstract

p id="db15">For example, my husband put a stop to my way of trying to get our son to eat his meals and stop being fussy because it just wasn’t working. After a certain period of time of him implementing his own way of doing things, which was firmer and stricter than I would’ve liked, I started to see some changes in my son and how he would sit down to eat the entire plate of food in front of him.</p><p id="21fa">Now, Andriel looks forward to sitting down next to his parents and mostly eats his entire plate, including the veg. My husband was right, and I was wrong — at least for a period of time (because no one knows the future and kids are unpredictable!)</p><p id="60fc"><b>But my husband didn’t say “I told you so”.</b> He didn’t discredit me as a mother, even if I did question my own decision making. He understood that being wrong is not a bad thing, and also, that <b>I wasn’t “wrong” to begin with</b>. Some things work, and some things don’t work for our children. And some things work for a while and then need to be changed. And that’s OK.</p><p id="4e9d">Parenting, while continuous, is flexible.</p><p id="ec93"><a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-successfully-wing-it-d39222a3d808">And we are all winging it.</a></p><h1 id="101b">Lowering Expectations Is Empowering</h1><p id="cde5">I have this constant need as the main caregiver to simply know what to do and get it right — especially after all the research I do on many aspects of parenting. But the thing is, it is only because of my own expectations that we get upset when things don’t work out. We paint a picture of how things will go, and when they don’t go our way, we self-criticise.</p><p id="3b33">Recently, I have been struggling to make the decision of whether to send our son to daycare. Because of the recent lockdowns, I feared that he wasn’t getting enough social stimulation and he needed to spend more time with other children. We decided to send him to a local nursery two mornings a week.</p><p id="fec8">But that wasn’t my only reason for wanting to send him there. I also needed more time to really step up my game as a writer, begin marketing myself and really work on my book.</p><p id="fa4a">But I’m tired of questioning myself, and <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-get-what-you-want-1973fd008ecb">since taking the road to self-care</a> in order to be a better mother and person, I decided that my reasons were as good as any to send Andriel to daycare at the age of 27 months.</p><p id="d466">It has only been a few weeks, and so far, he does not look forward to going there. I feel in fact he has become shier and clingier than usual. This makes me question once again whether what I am doing is right, and whether the caregivers at the centre are doing right by my son.</p><p id="93a8"><b>I’m ready to assign blame and judge because this is what we do as people growing up in today’s society.</b></p><div id="5778" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/learning-to-enjoy-motherhood-guilt-free-966e7fa38d58"> <div> <div> <h2>Learning To Enjoy Motherhood Guilt-Free</h2> <div><h3>undefined</h3></div> <div><p>undefined</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*o44YftcYVXjSo_va)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="d0f8">But I have to remember that it will solve nothing. I need to readjust my expectations and remind myself that everything takes time and that obstacles are all part of the journey, including my son’s settling in time at daycare.</p><p id="1231">He will get there because he is a strong and sociable little boy. He will be fine because he will still have an abundance of love at home waiting for him when he gets back and throughout the rest of the week. But I cannot decide how and when he will be running happily into nursery in the mornings — that’s a picture I need to let go of, but treasure if it happens.</p><p id="b15a">Sometimes, it

Options

is our expectations that need change, not our circumstances. We have to be OK with hiccups in parenting. Rather, we need not see them as hiccups, but as part of the process of bringing up children. After all, we are only human.</p><h1 id="7806">Takeaway</h1><figure id="facf"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*0ZLtDIAU40LQtOeo"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@drezart?utm_source=medium&amp;utm_medium=referral">Andrae Ricketts</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&amp;utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="f3a0">I believe in a mother’s instinct, but I don’t believe in the expectation that it will be there when we need it. If that expectation isn’t met then we will be more than ready to assign blame, and it won’t help us grow as parents or as individuals. In fact, I think that the constant need to meet these expectations is what causes us to feel like a failure at some point in our lives.</p><p id="b5d4">Instead, I recommend a more supportive plan, where advice can be handed out without coming across as all-knowing and dismissive of the parent. We can learn not to feel offended at others’ suggestions in the same way that others can learn not to be judgemental. I advise that others do get involved in taking care of kids, in a non-judgemental “I-told-you-so” way when the main interest is that of the child — not of themselves.</p><p id="1680">Most importantly, we have to learn that <b>mistakes are normal</b>, and most of the time, they’re not life-threatening. We are all human after all, and that makes us susceptible to countless errors over the course of time. In modern parenting, most parents are learning not to scold their kids when they make mistakes because it’s detrimental to their confidence building. <i>We should take that same approach with ourselves and other adults.</i></p><p id="93d5">So, let’s cut ourselves a little slack, and lower that pressure to get it right. Nobody is born a parent with experience.</p><div id="2a67" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/redefining-the-concept-of-happiness-16e5524c2b2d"> <div> <div> <h2>Redefining the Concept of Happiness</h2> <div><h3>How I’m learning about fulfilment from my toddler son.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*6xDaJcMnjn9r6Bow)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="88c4" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-battle-with-anger-as-a-parent-24e7837c5fac"> <div> <div> <h2>My Battle With Anger As a Parent</h2> <div><h3>Ensuring our son feels loved regardless of our feelings.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*Me4slkvdZGGCbsbjqQ_7bg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="c95b" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-husband-is-a-damn-good-father-de20d1ef2217"> <div> <div> <h2>My Husband Is A Damn Good Father</h2> <div><h3>And he deserves praise.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*Oqw-YSI_IVOLn-k0)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="7dcc"><b><i>Sylvia Emokpae, thinker and philosopher, is passionate about self-love, relationships, and motherhood. <a href="https://medium.com/@sylviaemokpae">See more work like this</a>.</i></b></p><p id="f728"><a href="https://twitter.com/SylviaEmokpae"><b>Follow her</b></a><b> on Twitter.</b></p></article></body>

How To Use Story Highlights To Your Advantage.

Have you given some thoughts on the highlights of your stories? I didn’t, until much recently. I was fiddling with my stories, looking for ways to write Short Forms for further story distribution. And then I found out what we can do with highlights.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

I love to highlight sentences on physical books and Medium stories. The ideas presented anchor into my mind when I highlight them. It could be the way something is written. It could be a brilliant idea.

In this story, it could be a method for distributing our stories further.

Before I proceed any further, let me explain how to perform a highlight on the stories you are reading.

When accessing Medium using a laptop: -

  1. Hold on to your left-click button and mouse-over the sentences you adore.
  2. A pop-up will appear.
  3. Select the icon that looks like a pen.

The paragraph will be highlighted, and the author will receive a notification message.

When accessing Medium using a smartphone: -

  1. Tap on any part of the sentences you adore.
  2. The entire sentence will be shaded.
  3. A pop-up will appear.
  4. Select the icon that looks like a pen.

The paragraph will be highlighted, and the author will receive a notification message.

I never gave much thought to Medium story highlights until one evening. I received a notification message that my story was highlighted. This is that story.

I was curious. I logged into the Medium webpage to see what was highlighted. I saw one paragraph that was highlighted by ILLUMINATION-Curated. And then something happened.

I accidentally clicked on the section that was highlighted (I was working on my laptop). This was what I saw. It was a pop-up prompting for further action.

Image Contributed by the Author.

Quite interesting, I thought. I decided to fiddle along. I clicked on the Twitter icon. You know, the one that looks like a bird.

The feature is the same as sharing the entire story on Twitter, with a twist. This time, only highlighted sentences are grabbed from Medium to appear on the text of the tweet.

This is different from sharing the entire story on Twitter, where the story headlines are grabbed. The 2 consecutive images illustrate the difference.

Image Contributed by the Author (When we share the ENTIRE STORY).
Image Contributed by the Author (when we share the HIGHLIGHTED sentences.)

The usual features are present, where the link to the Medium story is provided at the bottom of the tweet.

I distributed my highlighted sentences into Twitter without much thinking. After all, it is just a push of a button.

Then, I started wondering. Is it the same as the smartphone?

The answer is no. This is what I see when I tweet the story highlights using my smartphone Medium application.

Image Contributed by the Author (Sharing highlights using Medium Mobile App.)

The highlighted text is grabbed into the tweet, and an image (instead of a hyperlink) is presented. It captures the part of the story highlighted. The publication is presented on the image as well.

This is getting fun. Ideas started popping into my head. These are practical takeaways that we can use as writers.

1. We Can Share The Entire Story or The Highlighted Sentences.

We have a variety of tools to rely on attracting readers to our story via social media. This is especially so if we think our headlines aren’t strong enough to garner interest.

If sharing the entire story on Twitter is not funneling in readers (because it grabs the weak headlines), we can tweet the sentences that have been highlighted by existing readers to attract more readers. Proof of good writing is evident from these highlights.

2. We Can Expose The Key Ideas Presented In Our Stories Via Highlights.

Headlines are the spirit of the story. Highlighted sentences are the specificities of the stories that can be presented individually as trailers.

When we share our entire stories via headlines, we don’t get to read snippets of the story. When we share the highlighted sentences, they expose the actual ideas that we present within the story body to the readers.

3. Use Our Laptop And Smartphones To Distribute Highlights Interchangeably.

I prefer using the smartphone to tweet the highlighted sentences. Somehow. the image presented is less busy and makes the entire tweet easier to read.

Also, it helps to promote the publication that publishes our story. This is a way to advertise their presence.

Which option attracts more attention? The discretion is yours.

The important message is this. Features are built in to support our writing endeavors. We will never know the effectiveness of these features until we experiment.

When in doubt, have fun!

A Simple Highlight Goes A Long Way?

Aldric

Related Stories from the Author.

About the Author:

As a content contributor, I write my observations from daily life and my business exposure.

Because our life experience is the bedrock of our unique perspectives.

As a Consultant by training, I believe in making the complex simple.

Because simplicity adds value.

And with clarity — We grow.

Follow me for my stories on Medium!

This is more “About Me”.

Do reach out and say hi on Linkedin and Twitter!

Writing
Self Improvement
Médium
Highlights
Social Media
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