How To Turn Defeat Into Your Superpower

Rejection is not the end. It is always a new beginning.

It takes boldness to live outside the traditional expectations of society. People can get very defensive, even aggressive when presented with a different point of view.

It takes a hell of amount of self-love to follow your dreams. Especially, when those ideas are not supported by others. After all, humans seek acceptance and understanding, and we feel somehow less if not met with one.

At some point in life, we all face rejection.

We get a ‘no’ from a strict parent. We get bullied at school. We get our hearts broken. I believe we experience failures so that we can grow into exceptional versions of ourselves.

When I quit my job just for fun, I became a nutcase. People either pretended to understand, clapping me on the back, cheering on. Or they didn’t. But you see, perpetuating the victim narrative when facing a hindrance is not a reality but a mindset choice you continue to make.

The key is to change your mentality about obstacles you face.

How you look at past events determines your feeling at this moment. How you feel right this second influences your future unfoldings.

Whatever the meaning you ascribe to memories — this happened to me, or this happened for me — can change your whole future. Can you feel the difference between those two statements? WOW. Our mind is that powerful. You are either a victim of your past or a product of what you decided to coin past events into so that they have strengthened you, boosted your confidence and made you who you are today.

When you see the past as wisdom, a lesson learned, you become a winner. With every setback comes an opportunity for success. You hardly ever lose, but always gain a new experience that strengthens you and teaches you a great deal.

With such a mindset, rejection becomes a redirection. You cannot always predict the form of it. However, the narrative surrounding any kind of obstacle is solely conditioned by your perception of the world. And the great news is: you get to control it. You can give meaning to every situation, any memories you have lived through.

The key to a growth mindset is to perceive any hardship, not as a school of hard knocks but as a stepping stone to greatness. Once adversity becomes the fuel, you will always find an alternative route to happiness.

How can you change the narrative?

Face it.

What I have observed is that people run away from facing uncomfortable emotions. And not being accepted is one of them. We wish to follow our dreams but get fearful of facing rejections from others who display different preferences.

Upon beginning a new lifestyle, I had to face my fears: the fear of going broke, not finding my passion, not being accepted. Only then could I acknowledge those concerns as equal, not as more powerful than me. After all, they are only my thoughts, conditioned by the upbringing and societal expectations I have learnt so well to adjust to. I might as well let them go.

Whenever you perceive the situation as more powerful than you are, of course, it is going to crush you. Be it money, health, or the opinion of somebody else.

Embrace criticism.

Thoughts about the expectations of others became the bait of my growing rage. I was pissed off. I felt stuck and couldn't pursue my dreams for fear of being judged.

I have finally nailed it: it will not bring me any release whenever I take into consideration the advice of others. Since it is just an opinion, I may choose not to follow. You can coin the criticism into a powerful trigger to stand your ground.

People do not want you to be authentic. They want you to be conforming, fearful, and malleable so that they can control you. Either you face rejection or say goodbye to your dreams and freedom of living life on your terms.

It all stems from you.

Criticism is like an unwanted gift. Just do not accept it. Who does the gift end up with? The giver. You refuse to acknowledge the judgment, as you realize it is not about you at all. It comes from the person who has the most issues with themselves. They are projecting their doubts and insecurities on you, but since you are not willing to accept it, they are the ones suffocating in their negative energy.

If you find yourself being criticized by others, you are likely criticizing some aspects of your life, your body or beating yourself up for things you have done in the past.

And why do you care so much about being criticized? Because you look for approval. It is not a crime. We all do. However, the issue arises when you condition your behaviour, decisions, feeling good upon being constantly clapped on the back. When you don’t look for praise, you are immune to criticism as well.

Let go of who people want you to be.

When you care too much about what other people think of you, it results in having no voice on your own, no independence in sharing your opinions, no boldness. Giving away your power means lacking flexibility and confidence in making decisions.

I felt stuck in my personal and professional life between what I wanted to do, and what I should do. I always followed the shoulda. I was so worried about not having a job and admitting it to my friends and family that I couldn’t focus on anything else, like finding a passionate engagement. The obsession got in the way of discovering my authenticity.

Going out with friends entailed questions like: ‘What are your plans?’ or ‘Have you found the job yet?’. Not wanting to face them, I avoided social gatherings at any cost. At least the government was pleased since I abided by the pandemic restrictions. I have shut down for a year.

By cutting most relationships out of my life, I have spent time on meditation, daily yoga practice, reading and a bunch of weird spiritual practices. Eerie for many, to me, it became my new normal.

Do you think quitting a stable job was crazy? Now I became an outcast. The weirdo. The dreamer. The irresponsible one.

And I have never been happier.

They say to change your life you need to change your thoughts, beliefs, and habits. That is precisely what I did. I am a completely different person who shares varied interests. And cannot care less how other people perceive me. I guess I have discovered a potential key to happiness and still am in the process of honing it. I made new friends. They are called self-worth, boldness, burning passion and unconditional joy for the gift called life.

Do not identify yourself with the event.

The shift in my perception brought about a revolution in self-worth. Too often, we identify ourselves with the outcome of the situation. When in fact, quitting the job, ending another relationship is just a fact. Not the embodiment of failure.

What you decide to take from the experience is up to you. Do you allow your attitude to lose its fierceness? Do you succumb? Or do you embrace life’s coaching lesson and put it into practice so next time you become sharper?

I have realized that sometimes what makes you uncomfortable probably is your most prominent opportunity to grow. Ideas, which bother us the most, contribute to the change in our perspective. Owning up to my worries was a crucial point of letting go of my previous identity.

Start all over.

But who said that an ending does not stand for a new beginning?

Sometimes we try different things only to discover that they do not make our cup of tea. There is nothing wrong with experimenting. You can wake up one day and decide not to follow that direction anymore. You can wake up one day and decide to become a completely new person. No grudges against that.

Especially in our opinionated and ‘striving for more’ culture, it takes a hell of a lot of courage to make up your mind and walk away from something which does not serve you.

Everyone is emphasizing the importance of staying ambitious and pressing on. No one is mentioning that walking away takes a lot of courage as well.

We should not be ashamed of having unique values, different opinions and sticking by them if that is what intuition urges us to do. I understand that the prospect of reorganizing your life upside down may not be the most invigorating idea, but definitely worth pursuing persistently as long as it is thrilling and drenched with joyful anticipation.

In the end, the only prerogative you should exercise is to abashedly embrace your authentic voice. There is nothing wrong with facing rejection. It is only the meaning and attention you give to it that makes it uncomfortable for you.

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