How to Let Go of Toxic People Gracefully (Even if They Are Close)

10 powerful steps to disconnect from people who don't help you become a better version.

Photo by Philip Justin Mamelic from Pexels

How many times did you wish that you never met someone? Did you ever dream of cutting ties with someone but didn't know how to? Do you doubt that it is even possible to disconnect with them?

My best friend of 2 decades disgraced me in front of her family behind my back.

Reason? Long-term jealousy.

It shocked me to know it from a third person. They told me how she spilled my beans without remorse.

It was the same secret where she gave her word multiple times. There was no point in asking for clarification. Damage was done. And so was I.

There is no point in investing in certain relationships where people use/betray you. Life seems unfair when you've to deal with every type of person.

Sometimes people are genuine, while some are capricious. Sometimes relations blossom. Other times, it suffocates you, becomes toxic, or maybe you grow apart.

Like humans, relations have an expiry date as well. All we can do is learn from them and move on.

Relieve yourself with a load of unnecessary people. Use your time, energy, and emotions wisely.

Getting rid of long relationships is not easy. But it becomes unavoidable when it affects your mental well-being.

1. Accept That Enough Is Enough

A dead relationship is like an army with a dead general. No one knows what to do but to save their a**.

Unlike a human body, relations don't die overnight. It takes months/years to fizzle out.

You might stick to fake reassurances. But in time, you see the truth. These relations can be one-sided, selfish, toxic, or no longer complement your growth.

Eyes don't open in a day. Realization comes when the heart gets kicked many times. Acceptance brings clarity.

Accepting that relation can do no good to you comes as a huge relief. It is the first step to getting ready to get rid of the heavy baggage you have been carrying for a long time.

2. Forgive Without Asking

I never asked my friend about her deed. Why? Because I knew she could. She did it multiple times before. But my vast love for her ignored the warning signs.

I didn't wait for an apology. As always, I forgave her.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other. Instead, it frees you. It frees you from the clutches of your anger, hatred, frustration that enslaves you.

Sadguru says humorously,

“Anger, hatred, jealousy is the poison that you drink, and you expect somebody else to die.”

Forgiveness is self-care and self-love. Do it as often as possible.

Others are often oblivious to their actions and words. What we categorize as toxic behavior for us is normal for them. Throwing stones in the mud of their blissful ignorance will do no good to you. Instead, it will create more turbulence.

Instead, learn more about yourself and your patterns.

The hurt that you feel is not because of their actions. It is because of your expectations. I expected my friend to keep her promise. Her act broke my expectation and illusion.

3. Teach Yourself Self-Sufficiency

Humans are interdependent. It is a reality. But constantly relying on others for your satisfaction is slavery.

Do yourself a favor and learn to be self-sufficient emotionally, physically, or psychologically.

Occasional dependency is okay. But seeking it frequently means you are incapable of handling life all alone. It is a disability. Learn how to be content with oneself.

Why?

Because nothing will last permanently, people/things will disappear one day. Reasons can be endless. Your dependency on outside factors will bring you misery.

Learning to be independent brings freedom. Your conditional contentment then becomes unconditional. Start by focusing on yourself and what makes you happy. Learn some art and invest in your passion.

Find that contentment within. It is not selfishness. It is an act of self-love.

4. Refocus on Your Healthy Relationships

Enormous expectations in unwanted relationships can exhaust you. It is difficult to cut ties when you have invested time, energy, and emotions.

But a handful of genuine people always surround us. Prioritize them instead of focusing on toxic ones.

Spend time with supportive people. Share your heart with them. With good self-care and support from genuine people, the transition becomes smooth.

5. Choose Your Speed

A hard stop or slow death — nobody can tell you precisely what you should do. Only you know what is best for you.

Sometimes you may need an urgent chop-chop. Other times, the amputation can be elective. You can be blatant or can let it slowly fizzle out gradually.

Although the gradual process is painless for both sides, your slow withdrawal actions might not scream as compared to your sudden, shocking announcement.

Choose your speed. Know when the time is right for you. Act accordingly.

6. Always Be Civil, Brief, And Grateful

I never hated my once best friend. I still cherish the moments I enjoyed with her. Even when I meet her, love overflows. But setting boundaries helped me to stay detached.

It is not because of her that love flows from me. It is because I became one with love that it flows continuously.

Nothing good has ever come out of abuses and accusations. Confrontations lead to more allegations. When you are sure to cut ties, stay civil and brief in your encounters.

Be grateful for their time in your life. People teach us only if we are open. They might be toxic, but at least they taught you lessons on self-love. You learned to shuffle your prioritization in your life because of them. Get in touch with your inherent quality.

Like a talented student of life, you learned what was best for you. Be thankful in your heart for those people. Learn the lessons and move on.

7. Stop Making Excuses To Yourself

Clarity is crucial. Let go of any fantasies and hopes. Stop feeding yourself with false hopes.

Nobody changes with time. Also, nobody can change anybody. These misconceptions drag your energy towards misery. Get rid of your delusions.

See the truth without sugarcoating it. It might seem painful. But it is necessary to let go of what does not serve you.

Creating a space opens new journeys in life towards healthier connections.

8. Support Your Heart in the Expression

Hurt, anger, betrayal, sadness, and frustration are typical of certain relationships. Allow yourself to feel them all.

Expressing your heart releases the pent-up energy. But the expression has nothing to do with the other. You can express yourself in a closed room all alone as well.

Support your beautiful heart — cry, weep, scream, write, sing, or dance. Give your heart a safe environment to unload all the garbage putrefying inside you.

If you deny your feelings a gateway, emotions will suppress in a corner. The suppression may damage your heart in the long term. It is evasion, not healing.

Most people deal with trust issues because of unprocessed emotions. Your job is to heal and support your heart. The heart heals in expression. Don't become its enemy.

Support the expression, howsoever painful it might be. You may take it slow, but the expression is crucial. Assist it by vomiting out everything.

9. Deadline Works Like A Charm

With a deadline, you mentally prepare yourself to go through the end. Deadlines make you ready to cut off ties easily, which earlier seemed a monumental job. It is like a gradual exercise for your mind.

Pick a date in the future. It can be weeks or months away.

If you have double thoughts, allow yourself to make a genuine effort one last time. Be aware of your feelings. This is the time to reconsider your decisions.

If it still feels the same as before, proceed with your exit gracefully.

10. Drop the Judgments Once You Let Them Go

The postmortem of relationships is a waste of time. Judging the whole scenario, replaying it, again and again, is futile.

You might feel extraordinarily relieved once you let go of people who dragged you down. You might also feel insecure because of long-term dependencies on them.

Let go of all mental play. Indulging in them depletes your energy and time. Instead, use this energy towards your overall well-being.

Takeaways

Don't try to fill your emptiness from the outside. Don't waste your limited time and energy impressing people who don't give a damn. Not everybody is for you. People outgrow. Relations end.

Stop the need to drag yourself to uncomfortable people. Cutting ties from unwanted relationships keeps your life clutter-free.

Pick your time and speed. Work on releasing your emotions.

Learn your lessons. Reshuffle your priorities. Be grateful and move on. Use your superpower of self-love.

No relationship is worth destroying your beautiful heart. Don't hide behind the insecurities. Instead, nourish your heart. Shine your authentic self with no false veils.

If you are going down a road and don’t like what’s in front of you, and look behind you and don’t like what you see, get off the road. Create a new path! — Maya Angelou

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