A Practical 3 Step Approach to Develop Complete Acceptance in Relationships
Lies destroy a relation, whereas acceptance is the alchemy to form golden relationships.
Last night, my best friend Raj called me. He told me his wife caught him lying red-handedly. A huge fight erupted. I asked what was he doing? He said he was in a meditation session!
It might sound silly. But don’t we all lie about simple things? When others don't approve, we twist the truth a bit.
His meditations scare his wife. She thinks he will leave his family for spirituality. After a while, it became futile to make her understand. Her closed mind always suspected. Mild frictions led to his lying habit. But it gave them both some peace of mind.
When someone close doesn’t support you, you hide things for the sake of both. You want to protect them and yourself, too. To avoid any emotional tussle — the easy way is to lie.
Most people lie to avoid conflicts. They choose a route of least resistance. The non-acceptance of their loved ones leads them to lie. It is not entirely their fault.
Step 1. Acknowledge Your Non-Acceptance
If someone lies to you, look inside yourself first. Ask these questions — Do your close ones often lie to you? How open are you to accept the truth of loved ones, even if it is scary? Do you try to mold people according to your beliefs?
Susan Orenstein, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and relationship expert, states white lies are widespread in relationships. But they are not okay when you want to change something in your relations.
If Raj had cleared things beforehand, it would have made things easy for them. But instead of clearing out her doubts, it increased her distrust. But actual communication happens when both are listening.
If you lied or if someone lied to you, acknowledge it. Don’t point fingers at others. You can not attract authentic relations until you are genuine.
If you lied, accept it at least to yourself. Hiding from self makes little sense. Be clear about the underlying emotions. Was it fear of repercussions? Are your activities physically affecting you (alcohol/smoking/drugs/gamble, etc.)?
If someone lied to you, be true to yourself, and ask ‘Why?’ Keep aside the ego and past behaviors. Instead, have an honest talk with yourself. How do you behave when others don’t follow your instructions? Why should their actions match your instructions?
The psychological study claims introspection uncovers many false layers of beliefs. It explores the key to the working of your psyche. You can present your viewpoint only when you acknowledge yourself deeply. Genuine relations demand hard work.
One can not see the truth with a close mind. It does not matter how intimate relation is. An open mind is necessary to see the other's point of view. You can not expect the other to behave according to you. It suffocates them.
Escalation always starts with minor things. Ignoring the initial signs leads to more significant conflicts. So it is better to solve minor altercations. But again, nobody can dictate the ruling. Open communication is a must.
When you accept yourself wholeheartedly, a channel for discussion opens up. Self-acceptance leads to the acceptance of others, too.
Step 2. Discuss the Issue Without Defending Yourself
When you are authentic in your sharing, you also encourage others to be genuine as well.
Be sensitive to other’s perspectives. An honest discussion makes you two more close. Even when there is no proper conclusion, it opens up one to understand the other intimately.
While discussing, many old issues may arise. As a result, your defense system may become super alert. But remember, authenticity matters the most. Listen to understand and not to argue.
Understanding is the key to a healthy relationship. It happens in a heart-to-heart talk. Psychologists affirm honesty builds trust, security, acceptance, and change.
Fearful people can never have an honest conversation. Insecurity disturbs mental peace. Your expectations lead to chaos.
If you are in a transactional relationship, you try to manipulate others for your gain. The mantra becomes — I fulfill you, you complete me. It is like two beggars begging from each other.
True love gives you the courage to accept others as they are. You focus. Trying to find out what is inside their heart.
Scientific study reveals honesty is positively correlated with normalcy feeling and satisfaction with life. Therefore, be totally honest with yourself. Only then can you get a sincere answer. The journey towards a gratifying life starts with you.
Step 3. Conclude on a Common Ground Which You Both Accept Without Pressure
Steer clear from any emotional drama. No one should pressurize anyone to do anything. Establishing a common ground shows emotional maturity.
Keep the exceptions open, too. A fluidity should be there. Any rigidity kills the spontaneity. Be aware the resolution is not a rigid line to stop. You both are still free to express.
Go with the flow. Enjoy life. No rules are written on a rock. They can change as you move ahead in life.
Authentic Love Support You to Flower to Your Full Potential
Plenty of people consider me as their close friend. They know they can call me anytime, even after years, with no obligation. When I don’t get their calls, I know they are in a pleasant place.
Deep down, their hearts appreciate they can trust me with any weirdest reality. I will never judge or manipulate them. There are no expectations. Only love!
But sadly, this acceptance is missing in many intimate relations. Relationships are a mirror reflecting your pending work on self.
Acceptance does not mean you approve of the other’s method or beliefs. Acceptance means you respect the difference and allow others to be. You don’t manipulate them according to your ideas.
Acceptance is the alchemy to forming golden relationships. Non-acceptance reflects resistance. Love is flexible and ever accepting. Resistance is fear. Be aware of it.
Work upon yourself to transform the relations. It takes effort to rectify anything. Be it personal or professional life. It all starts with you.
Takeaways
We all want to thrive in authentic relations. But it can not happen when you are not sincere. Start forming a genuine association with yourself. Uncover all the rigid beliefs.
When your fear/insecurity comes to light, an open discussion becomes easy. Shame dissolves. There remains no place to hide when you are entirely truthful. Self-acceptance leads to the acceptance of others with ease. Acceptance brings freedom.
This is the foundation of a solid relationship. Acceptance washes away the dead weight of expectations —a new life throbs in your old relationships.
Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery. — J. K. Rowling
Do you find it difficult to accept certain aspects of your relations? If yes, what are they? I’d love to hear your feedback.
Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed this, you might also like this: