How to Be Free From the Attachments to Live an Authentic Life

A mini-guide to understand attachments and break free from their control.

Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be obtained only by someone who is detached. — Simon Weil

For a long time, a couple was childless. They went to every dargah, temple, and saints to seek blessings. Finally, after a decade, they were blessed with a boy. It elated them to no bounds.

The father became attached to his child. When he was not at work, he would play with him every moment. This went on for few years.

One day while the child was playing outside, a snake bit him. He died within minutes. Although distraught, the mother was concerned about her husband. She was well aware of his attachment to the child. And knew this tragedy would affect him severely.

In the afternoon, father came back for lunch. When he did not see his child, he inquired about him. The mother said the child was playing and he should have his lunch.

While eating, the mother said, “Do you remember the time when we were childless? We were praying for a child, but still, we were happy in our world. Right?”

The father nodded.

When he finished his lunch, she said, “I have to show you something. But I want to remember the happy times we shared before our child was born.”

She took him to a nearby room where she had kept the child’s dead body. It jolted the father. But he soon regained calm. Eventually, the mother asked, “Are you not sad or shocked?”

The father said, “You are wise to remind me of the happy times before him. He played his part, and we enjoyed his company. It is okay; he is no more. We will be alright.”

The father saw the truth. Nothing is permanent. Being attached to the impermanent is futile.

Why Attachment Is the Source of All Suffering

The attachments weave your prison. They lead to expectations. Expectation leads to suffocation and suffering.

When you are attached to a person or a situation, it binds you. Expectations arise. If that specific thing does not go as per your desire, it makes you upset.

Have you ever wondered why a stranger can never hurt as much as close ones? It is because of attachment. Expecting the loved ones to act according to you leads to friction.

Instead of owning the power, you give away the power to the external forces. It spirals you out of control.

Attachment fuels the miseries because you seek fulfillment from the outside.

Rarely do things turn out how we want them to be. When they don’t, suffering happens. You can relate it to the results, relations, success, or even the behavior of any person. Every time you become associated with the outcomes, suffering happens.

Misery is nothing but the shadow of attachment. And hence all stagnancy. The attached person becomes a stagnant pool — sooner or later he will stink. He flows no more. — Osho

Identify Your Attachment Effortlessly

The rule is easy — the unmet expectations that bother you are your attachment.

Look into the painful areas of your current life. It can be heated moments with the partner, children, job, or parents. Agonizing areas are your pressure points.

Let us experiment with making it more clear. Then, use it to apply in your unique life situations.

Imagine you are in love. But, you cannot meet your lover for a long time. The distance is immense, with no transportation. How would you feel?

Sad or fine?

There can be two scenarios:

You feel the agony of separation because of attachment. You may cry or weep. It becomes painful. You might pester them to come or argue over it. Your attachment makes it difficult for both of you.
You accept the situation. With acceptance comes ease. Acceptance happens in non-attachment. Love does not disappear. You might miss them but are content with wherever you both are. Love becomes purer when you accept the situation and person as they are.

Debunking the Myths Around Attachment and Detachment

#1. The attachment shows love, whereas you can not love when you are detached.

Attachment to loved ones shows your clinginess. You depend on them for your completeness. Seeking outer fulfillment leads to insecurity and jealousy.

In love, you don’t mold a loved one. Instead, you maintain individuality and provide total freedom.

Authentic love starts from self, and then you gift it to others. Relying on other every moment drains anybody.

When you truly love, you also gift them the present of freedom. This freedom liberates both of you. You don’t restrict the other in any conditions. It becomes unconditional love.

#2. You need to have attachments to live on this Earth.

Attachments bind. Detachment is freedom.

Some people fear if they become completely detached, they might leave their families. Fear not!

The detachment process takes years. Despite that, some affinity for life remains. Ego runs deep. It takes lifetimes of work and progress to be completely free. As you keep digging into your attachments, new ones shine forth. So, don’t worry and keep on working.

Also, genuine living happens when nothing drags you down. You can truly love and appreciate the presence of others. Once you recognize the deep roots of attachment, only then do you experience true living.

#3. For being successful in life, you need attachments towards your goals

You can work towards any goals with no expectations towards its fruits. A famous shloka in Bhagwat Geeta states —

कर्मण्ये वाधिका रस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन। मा कर्म फल हेतु र्भूर्मा ते सङ्गोऽस्त्व कर्मणि॥

Karmanye vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kadachana, Ma Karmaphalaheturbhurma Te Sangostvakarmani

Meaning — You have a right to “Karma” (actions) but never to its fruits. Let not the fruits of action be your motive, nor let your attachment be to inaction.

In today’s world, the result motivates us. But when we wholeheartedly put in our efforts, we see the best results. You can not concentrate on doing activities and the results at the same time. Let go of the result, as it is not in your hands. Stay focus on action. Results will happen by themselves.

2 Powerful Ways to Overcome Attachment to Living a Light-Hearted Life

The mind gets stuck to everything. It can be as stupid as a political party or even a word somebody said a decade back. Attachment is heavy, whereas overcoming it can lead to free light-hearted life.

Non-attachment is also called ‘Aparigraha’ in Patanjali’s Eight limbs of Yoga. It translates to letting go.

#1. Be an impartial witness.

It is foolish to fight with desires or tendencies. The best way is to become an observer and enjoy the show. In routine life, we have intermingled with the illusions we consider as reality. Mindfulness helps you slow down.

According to yogis, attachment is a disease of the mind. To keep itself relevant, the mind feeds and creates insecurities.

Like a spectator, watch the ongoing tussle. Be witness towards own’s suffering.

It isn't easy to do at first. But becomes easy when you practice. Mind sucks you into its self-created illusions. So, a gap is necessary to form between two thoughts.

Since childhood, society has trained us to think a lot. So flex your attention muscle — attention to the ongoing scenario. Be the witness.

During witnessing, the mind will engulf you in the whirlpool of thoughts. Don’t worry. Pull your attention back to the witnessing.

Attachment is the food for the mind to continue. Non-attached witnessing is the way to stop it without any effort to stop it. And when you start enjoying those blissful moments, your capacity to retain them for longer periods arises. — Osho.

#2. Attachment falls off automatically when you stop seeking yourself in them.

Attachment is the fundamental part of the mind. It identifies with persons/situations and reflects self in everything.

When you stop seeking validation, attachment drops.

Be aware whenever you seek recognition. It hides in the shadows. Even a subtle hint of any approval or respect reveals your affinity.

Don’t work against the energy. Be aware of it. When you realize your validation for seeking, all attachments drop.

How do you let go of attachment to things? Don’t even try. It’s impossible. Attachment to things drops away by itself when you no longer seek to find yourself in them. — Eckhart Tolle

Takeaways

In this world, where attachment is considered normal, we can live a life of detachment. But, unfortunately, attachment is the source of misery. To live a full life, learn to become detached from the outcomes, persons, and situations.

To recognize it, look at the situations that make you upset. Then, practice witnessing the situation and your emotions. Don’t fight or ignore it. Instead, give it your full attention. Attachments dissolve when you no longer associate with them.

A feeling of aversion or attachment toward something is your clue that there’s work to be done. — Ram Dass

Want to heal from your traumas and stress but don’t know how? Download my FREE guided healing meditation and get a free bi-weekly tip towards a healthy and peaceful life.

If you love my writings, then become a Medium member for $5 per month to unlock unlimited stories. Support me by signing up using my link where I’ll earn a small commission (without you paying extra.) :)