3 Ways to Overcome the Difficulties Towards Self-Love

To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.

Self-doubt makes you feel worthless. The number of doubts we feed ourselves is astonishingly insane.

The pimple sitting on my face sucks — why my skin can’t be flawless. Oh god, these awful periods — why can’t they stop altogether. I am too short — need to have those heels. My abnormal body shape, my stomach, my specs worry me. I am so dumb. My education/job profile is terrible.

The list is endless.

You accept all your apprehensions easily. But, if your best friend says these things, you will sit with them and clear their doubts.

In feeding yourself, you become careless. With your continuous negative self-talk, doubts fill you. You quickly get stuck. Self-care and love go for a toss.

A person’s greatest limitations are not genetic but imposed by self-doubt, insecurities, indecision, and timidity. — Kilroy. J. Oldster

Society Fed You With Doubts — ‘NOW’ Is The Time To Sh*t Those Out.

I grew up in a family with an anxious father. His first reaction to every query or request was always a big, flat, violent No.

He never praised me out loud or even in person. But he always pointed out the flaws openly. Till now, I can not discuss my problems with him.

Dealing with his doubts, unconsciously, he fed us anxieties and insecurities. Society does that. Rarely a person glorifies your good points, whereas flaws get pointed out ragingly.

Since childhood, you have been listening to your faults. Nobody appreciated the way you are.

It trains the mind to see your life likewise. You give a particular interest to your imperfection and not your entire self. Researchers have established that self-doubt is a threat from within.

To see the self only from the weaknesses perspective is the fundamental drawback where we spend our whole life. Consciously or unconsciously, you create these limited boundaries. These keep you away from your true, loving self.

Breaking free from rigid patterns takes time. It requires consistency and reminders. But, there is no point in postponing what cages you. Your inner light awaits you.

And, the time to erase those boundaries is NOW.

Look beyond your defects. Start with loving yourself thoroughly and deeply. You don't require any special occasion for it.

Right now is the perfect moment to fall in love with yourself.

If you’re searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror. — Katie Davies

You Are What You Seek Outside

Everybody is seeking love, friendships, a genuine relationship where they can be their authentic self.

You are seeking something that completes you. You try to fill a hole in you with your relations, food, or even with ceaseless shopping. Most are unhealthy options that drain you. It spirals you into the eternal pit of worthlessness and even depression.

Any relationship starts with you. Your relationships reflect the depths of connection you have with yourself.

A fake person will attract a phony friendship. An alcoholic will enjoy the company of drunkards. A spiritual person cherishes the company of a spiritual person.

A relationship is as authentic as you are.

Don’t seek outside fulfillments. Don’t feed your flaws. You are the love, care, and craziness that you seek outside. When you love your complete self, only then can you share this beautiful self with the world.

It makes your relations more beautiful, this life worth living and enjoying. When you enjoy your company, others appreciate it as well. Learn how to embrace yourself in love.

#1. Don’t Hide Behind the False Curtains of Pride/Ego.

Ego does not want to see any ugly side of self. It recognizes itself in parts and plays hide and seek.

The key to recognize is whenever the episodes of anxiety come forward, don’t hide. Face it bravely—no need to give any explanation. Just watch as a third person.

Let us have a scenario:

Suppose you are trying hard to make money. While sipping a cup of coffee, your mind labels you as a loser. You are already struggling, and self-doubts are mounting. So many what-ifs rising — What if I cannot make enough money? What will happen if this continues?

What most people do:

They become afraid. These people try to distract themselves or hasten ongoing activity. They plan for their future in fear.

What to do:

Let those doubts arise. Feel the shame/guilt and express those. Then, after expression, look around you. Look at your home, your cup of coffee, the chair you are sitting on, kids/spouse/parents around you.

Feel the surrounding love. There was a time when you dreamed of being where you are right now. Be grateful.

Now, turn that love to you. Feel your body and heart. A healthy, relaxing body of yours is enjoying a cup of coffee. How rejuvenating. Now, plan for your future.

When you stabilize within yourself, you will decide in peace, love, and gratefulness. It leads to a more fulfilled life.

Shift the focus from your external environment to the inside.

Stop feeding your insecurities. Instead, concentrate on where you are right now and how far you have come. And then decide if you have to.

Your heart knows what your mind ignores.

#2. Change Your Outlook — be Your Best Friend and Life coach.

You know your life stories. Nobody knows better than you. So then why not treat yourself as your best friend.

In your bestie, you always see the good. You forget their limitations and enjoy each moment.

Start treating yourself in the same way.

Whenever you recognize lashing yourself, imagine your bestie defending you.

You: I am dumb. I am so poor with numbers. How will I manage my accounts? Your bestie: You are the best. What if you can’t manage your account, you are best in another field. Let us hire someone who can do it for you.

You: I look fat in these jeans. I have grown obese. Your bestie: Ok, let's try this dress. And how about if we make a diet chart and also add routine exercises.

Imagine living with your bestie — it will turn around your life. Be your bestie. Dance, sing, and enjoy your company. You are the best.

The more you love, the more you will find untrodden spaces where love goes on and on spreading around you like an aura. — Osho

#3. Forgive Yourself.

Everybody makes mistakes. That is how everybody learns and grows, including you.

Don’t be afraid to fall flat face. But have the strength to stand up again. Open your compassionate heart to forgive yourself.

If you have hurt somebody or yourself, see what you need to do to forgive yourself. Do you have to apologize or make amends? Don’t stay stuck. Act if you have to and move on.

If you have exploited your life in addictions, avoidance, or ruining relationships, make a plan with a compassionate heart. It can help you decide from a better place next time.

Past is no longer here. But you can always learn from it. So take baby steps towards a brighter and peaceful life.

Remember, when you forgive you heal, when you let go you grow. — Unknown

Takeaways

A loving life starts with yourself. Love is your inner truth. You can love others, which means you can love yourself too. Go beyond your deficiencies. You are much more magnificent than your flaws.

Embrace yourself in love, forgiveness, and compassion. The key lies in accepting your limitations and determination to move forward in love. Don’t let the outside success, circumstances, or people define you.

Turn inwards and see how beautiful you are. You are enough.

“Love is a rose flower in your being, but prepare your being. Dispel the darkness and the unconsciousness. Become more and more alert and aware, and love will come of its own accord, in its own time. You need not worry about it. And whenever it comes it is always perfect.” — Osho

Thank you, Darshak Rana, for the prompt — Self. Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed this, you might also like this: