How to Get Your Partner to Talk Dirty

Say goodbye to silent sex

I discovered Playboy TV at a very young age.

I barely understood what sex was, but my parents had satellite TV with access to all the adult channels.

They set up a password to keep my brother and me from accessing things we weren’t old enough to see. But they also made that password my mother’s birthday so I cracked it within minutes of picking up the remote.

I fell in love with porn right away.

Watching naked men with their hard cocks on display fascinated me and kept me staring at the screen. Seeing women undress excited me in ways I didn’t expect. Watching them fuck was even better.

Then I came across a show called Night Calls and it changed everything.

It wasn’t as visually explicit as the hardcore porn on other channels. There was nudity, but most of the dirty stuff was verbal.

People would call in and basically talk dirty to the hosts. It was like a talk show version of phone sex.

I was hooked. Hearing people talk dirty, moan, and get that filthy growl in their voice when they’re getting horny was a massive turn-on for me.

I watched Night Calls whenever I got the chance and it changed my expectations of sex. I thought it would be verbal, vocal, and loud.

Then I actually started fucking and I found out that it wasn’t.

The guys I dated and hooked up with were quiet. Like, really quiet. They didn’t make a whole lot of noise and they spoke even less.

I got a little taste of dirty talk here and there. The first guy who fucked me asked “does it feel good?” and I felt myself getting hotter just hearing those words.

Another guy would send me X-rated emails that I would read and re-read. But he didn’t say a word while we were actually having sex.

I wanted more — a lot more. But I could never bring myself to ask for it.

I’m a painfully shy girl, which made it hard for me to ask for anything — especially something so sexual and personal. I also have an extreme case of people-pleasing, so making any kind of request felt like I was imposing on someone.

It was a perfect storm for me not getting what I wanted.

Then I found myself in love, shacked up with, and married to a guy who I cherished deeply but who fucked very quietly.

I was never going to leave this guy but I still couldn’t bring myself to tell him what I truly desired. It was a death sentence for dirty talk.

I kept it as a private fantasy and got my fix through erotica.

I spent my days reading all these hot, nasty phrases. I’d bite my lip imagining them grunted at me or whispered in my ear.

It would get me incredibly horny, and I’d use that arousal to go have some quiet sex with my husband.

I’m still happily married to the same guy, but I feel like I’m fucking a new man. Over the years, he stopped being so quiet and knows how to talk me into beautiful, ecstatic submission.

After more than ten years of silent sex, I didn’t realize he had it in him. If I had, I would’ve encouraged him to get explicit with me a lot sooner.

I know lots of women are in the position I was in. They get turned on by dirty talk, fantasize about it, and want to hear it while getting fucked. But they’re with a partner who barely says a word during sex.

But you don’t have to wait as long as I did. You can skip the years of quiet sex and get your partner to be more verbal in bed. All it takes is the right kind of encouragement.

Lead By Example

I said that I wasn’t getting the dirty talk I wanted because I couldn’t ask for it.

That’s true, but it’s not the whole story.

Another problem is that I wasn’t saying much, either.

I can be pretty loud during sex. I moan, groan, whimper, and I’ll even shout if I’m getting fucked hard.

What I don’t do, though, is talk dirty.

I’m a super self-conscious person and I get embarrassed very easily. I’m also really submissive, so I don’t try to pull off the whole bold, confident thing — I try to channel shy girl sexy instead.

But if I had been more verbal, I’m convinced Mr. Austin would’ve been too.

There’s a lot of mirroring that goes on during sex. We match our partner’s energy. We try to complement what they’re doing. When they’re giving, we get generous too. When they’re passionate, we go intense. When they tap into their dominant side, we get a little more submissive.

So if you want them to get more verbal, talk dirty to them.

Tell them how badly you want to get fucked.

Tell them how good they feel.

Tell them you couldn’t wait to get your mouth on them.

Tell them everything you want them to do to you and don’t spare a single detail.

Doing that will establish your bedroom as a dirty talking zone and it won’t be long before they join you in doing it.

Let Them Know It Turns You On

Embarrassment is one of the big reasons people don’t talk dirty during sex.

Talking dirty puts you in a vulnerable position. You have to come up with something to say and hope that it’s going to turn your partner on instead of weird them out.

You have to get the tone and the delivery right, too. It sounds best if it’s backed by some confidence or a lot of passion.

And some people just have a hard time using that kind of language, especially when they’re being sincere.

Your partner won’t work to overcome that embarrassment unless they know it would turn you on. So, let them know.

And don’t be too shy to tell them exactly how much you desire it. Don’t just say that you’re curious about dirty talk or wonder if it might be fun to try it out. Really sell it.

Show them that it makes you really horny. Talk about it enthusiastically. Tell them that you fantasize about it a lot.

Make it clear that good dirty talk would make the sex you’re having so much better and make you feel a lot more desirable.

Specify the Kind of Dirty Talk You Want

There are lots of different kinds of dirty talk, and some of them aren’t going to be your cup of tea.

Maybe you want to be told your pussy looks amazing but you don’t want to be called a slut.

Maybe you want to be called a filthy bitch and you won’t get off if your partner holds back on the degradation.

Maybe you want them to paint a real picture for you, going into detail about everything they want to do to you. Or maybe you just want two or three sentences to help set the mood.

I personally love praise the most and that could be what works for you, too.

Figure out exactly what kind of dirty talk you want and let your partner know what it sounds like. That way, you can hear the kinds of things you actually want to hear, and you also give them a clear picture of what you want them to say.

They might even be hesitant to talk dirty because they think it means using derogatory language and they’re not comfortable doing that. Finding out you want something more neutral and descriptive might make that easier for them.

Or their instinct might be to say things that veer into humiliation territory but they’re not sure you’d be okay with it.

Clarifying your expectations will improve the odds that you both have a better dirty talking experience.

Ask Questions to Set Them Up

I have a really hard time with dirty talk. I’m shy as hell and I second-guess everything I want to say.

When I do talk dirty, it’s usually because Mr. Austin has set me up for it by asking a question.

He’ll say things like “How do you want me to fuck you?” or “What do you want to do to my cock?” And the only way to give him a proper answer is to say something naughty.

If you want to encourage your partner to talk dirty, you can do the same thing. Start asking them questions during sex, like “What do you want to do to me?” or “What position do you want me in?”

If you need to ease them into it a little more gently, you can start before sex by asking them questions over text. Send them dirty talking prompts like “If I got undressed in front of you tonight, what would you do to me?” or “Tell me your biggest sexual fantasy — and give me all the details.”

Feed Them the First Line

The hardest part of dirty talk is actually deciding what you’re going to say. A lot of people clam up when they realize they could say anything they want to, but have no clue where to start.

So, give your partner a concrete example to get them started. Tell them exactly what you want to hear during sex, word for word.

Do you fantasize about being called a dirty girl? Tell them.

If you want to be degraded a little, tell them exactly what that sounds like.

If you just want them to say you feel amazing when you’re fucking, let them know.

The best dirty talk is spontaneous, sincere, and comes naturally. But it takes a bit of time and experience to get to that point. Until then,you need to take baby steps. And there’s no shame in starting off with a well-rehearsed line.

Show Them Examples of Great Dirty Talk

If your partner doesn’t talk dirty to you, there’s a good chance you’re getting your fix somewhere else.

At least, that’s what I did. I read dirty books and looked for verbal guys on Pornhub because I knew I wasn’t going to get it in my personal life.

Whatever you’re using to get your fix, share it with your partner.

Show them porn clips with the kind of dirty talk that gets you all worked up.

Copy your favorite passages from erotic novels or send them the stories that really nail the dialogue.

Send them a link to the audio porn that just does it for you.

That will show them how hot dirty talk can be, give them a lot of material to draw from, and give you an opportunity to start a conversation about it.

Give Extremely Positive Reactions

Positive feedback is going to make a huge difference, especially the first few times your partner says something dirty.

My husband’s quiet sex actually has an origin story. He tried out some dirty talk on his first girlfriend and she hated it. She laughed and things got pretty uncomfortable.

Because of that moment, he spent the next twenty years of his life assuming that talking during sex was a turn-off for women.

So when your partner does talk dirty, make sure your reactions are encouraging.

You can go a little over the top if you have to. If your response is too subtle, it can seem like you’re not enjoying it.

You have to make it clear that you don’t just think it’s fine — you think it’s really fucking hot.

At the very least, show excitement for them taking the first step. Even if the delivery wasn’t quite right, even if what they said was a little awkward, get enthusiastic because this means you’re on your way to a sex life full of hot dirty talk.

If the way they did it doesn’t quite work for you, leave that feedback for later. Wait until the next morning and tell them you loved it but you have an idea for how it could be even better.

No More Quiet Sex

Dirty talk is always awkward at first. It’s hard to get it just right when you don’t have a lot of experience and you don’t feel super confident doing it.

But the learning curve isn’t very steep. It doesn’t take long before those filthy phrases start coming out naturally.

All it takes is a little encouragement and a good idea of what the person you’re fucking wants to hear.

So, give your partner exactly that. Show your enthusiasm. Make it clear that this would be a fantasy come true. And give them examples of the kind of things you want them to say when you’re fucking.

If you can do that, you’ll be able to turn your partner into a dirty talking champ and silent sex will be a thing of the past.

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