The Hardest Part of Dirty Talk
And how to overcome it
If you want to talk dirty during sex and you want to do it well, you need two things: confidence and creativity.
It takes confidence to say something really nasty and to say it like you mean it. That can be a struggle but it’s one that most of us can overcome, especially if we know our partner wants to hear us say that kind of stuff.
The real challenge is the creativity. Once you’re okay whispering, moaning, or growling some naughty stuff, you have to figure out what to actually say.
That’s what I struggled with the most. I love being on the receiving end of some dirty talk but I’m not big on doing it myself. It’s partly a confidence issue — it makes me really self-conscious and I’m more likely to feel embarrassed than sexy.
But it’s the other thing that stopped me for a long time. I wanted to get more verbal while getting fucked, but I always drew a blank. I couldn’t think of what to say, or I couldn’t decide if what I did want to say sounded right. By the time I’d make a decision, the moment had long gone.
Eventually, I figured out that the only way around this was to just pick something ahead of time. Just one dirty sentence I could say the next time I was going to have sex.
So, I picked one and rehearsed it in my head.
Don’t stop!
Okay, yes, that’s some real J.V. shit, but it was better than nothing.
Now, when I was getting close to a climax, I could just start repeating those two words.
It felt good, so I decided to add another sentence to my dirty talk repertoire.
I’m gonna come!
Again, basic. But I’d like to think it’s still effective.
Plus, I’m the more submissive one in my relationship. It’s my job to be cute, receptive, and appreciative, not to keep the dirty talk coming. Still, I like to pitch in, so I was proud of my baby steps.
I’m planning to add more dirty talk in the future, and each time, I’m going to take the same approach: one simple sentence planned ahead of time.
If you want to do the same but you’re having trouble figuring out what exactly you should say, I’m going to share some concrete examples of dirty things you can say during different sex acts. I might not have a lot of experience reciting filthy soliloquies, but I still have plenty of material to work with. I’ll be drawing from things I’d love to say, things I get wet from hearing, and a few things I’ve picked up from writing erotica.
Dirty Talking Basics
Before trying out some dirty talk on your partner, there are a few things you should keep in mind.
Use the Right Kind of Dirty Talk
First, you need to figure out what kind of dirty talk they’re open to. Is the really nasty stuff going to turn them off? Do they want to be humiliated or not? Are there certain words that just rub them the wrong way (if they can’t stand “pussy” you might have to throw in a few euphemisms).
Pay Attention to the Context
Next, make sure you keep the context in mind. You need to say the right things, but you also need to say them at the right time.
Like, don’t say “You like that, baby?” unless she’s clearly enjoying the hell out of herself. If the answer to that question is a “no,” it’s awkward for everyone.
What you’re doing matters, too. The right thing to say during a blowjob might not be the best thing to say when you’re fucking doggystyle.
And for the really dirty stuff, you might have to wait until your partner is highly aroused. If you throw it out too early, it won’t fit the mood and it probably won’t land the way you hope it will.
Don’t Overdo It
One rookie dirty talk mistake is to get carried away and do it too much.
Unless you’re telling your partner a dirty story, or they’ve asked you to run them through your favorite fantasy or your hottest sexual memory, there’s no reason to just go on and on.
As a rule of thumb, you should be more vocal (moans, groans, and whimpers) than verbal.
That’s part of the reason I advise anyone who wants to try dirty talk to start by planning to say just one thing. One or two really hot phrases at just the right time can pack a bigger punch than a non-stop stream of filth.
Look for Feedback
Your partner will either tell you or show you how they felt about the dirty talk you introduced. Pay attention to non-verbal cues especially to see if they were turned on by it, indifferent, or just weirded out.
If you’re not sure, you could ask about it. Figure out what the issue is. Was it the specific thing you said? Was it your delivery? Or is your partner not into dirty talk at all?
But don’t ask while you’re still having sex. Just enjoy the fucking and save the conversation for later.
Don’t Get Weird if It Doesn’t Work
Dirty talk should be delivered with confidence, but it’s still vulnerable. You’re making a bold move and opening yourself up to whatever kind of reaction you might get.
If it doesn’t go like you planned, it might make you feel all sorts of ways. You might feel embarrassed, insecure, or get defensive.
So, go into it realizing that it might not work every time, and that it’s not a big deal when it doesn’t.
I love when my husband talks dirty to me, but there’s one thing that never worked: him calling me “baby.” Specifically, when he uses “baby’ at the end of a question.
There’s nothing wrong with “baby.” I find it hot when some other guys say it to me, just not him. And it’s because he’s the father of my children and when he says something like “You like that, baby?” I hear the same inflection he uses when he talks to our daughters.
That takes me out of it. I want him to sound like a daddy, not a dad.
But it’s not a big deal. When it happened, we laughed it off and kept fucking. We talked about it later and now he uses different pet names with me instead.
You can react the same way. If you have the confidence to talk dirty, then you have the confidence in you to take it in stride when it doesn’t work on your partner.
What to Say During Sex
When I was looking up advice on how to talk dirty, the one thing that was missing were concrete examples. It was easy to find advice on how to do it, but very few people were giving me actual material I could use. When they did, it was pretty generic and not suitable for every situation.
So, here are some different scenarios you might find yourself in and the kinds of dirty stuff you can say to get your partner hot.
Romantic or Sensual Sex
During a long and passionate makeout session, they can’t stop touching each other.
At first, it’s just soft strokes on the arms. Then, it’s a hand slipped up her shirt and on her lower back.
They can’t hold back anymore and start to undress each other. She undoes his pants and reaches her hand in to give slow, loving strokes to his hard-on. He pulls her panties to the side and runs his fingers against the folds of her lips.
He says:
I love the way your breathing gets faster when I touch you like that.
Hearing you moan is so hot.
She says:
I want you so bad.
I can’t stop thinking about your lips. I want them on me.
Blowjob
He’s at the edge of the bed, his cock hard and standing upright. She gets on her knees between his legs, hands on his thighs while she looks up at him and smiles seductively.
He strokes her hair, resisting the urge to pull her closer. She bites her lip and sees the impatient desire in his expression.
She takes the base of his shaft in her hand, licks the head of his cock softly before taking it in her mouth and doing one of the things she does best.
He says:
Your mouth feels amazing.
Baby, you’re so good with your tongue.
I love the way you suck it.
She says:
Does that feel good?
Do you like it when I suck your cock?
I missed having you in my mouth.
Eating Pussy
She’s lying on the bed. He pushes her knees apart and kisses up her thigh. Once he gets to her pussy, he licks her — softly at first, and then picks up speed. He pushes up on her thighs and holds them spread out as wide as they can.
He ravishes and devours her. She runs her fingers through his hair, hoping he won’t stop.
He says:
Your pussy tastes so good.
Mmm, you’re so wet already.
You like it when I lick you like that?
She says:
Your tongue feels so incredible.
I love it when you lick my pussy.
Fuck yes, right there, don’t stop licking my clit.
Missionary
He’s lying above her, rubbing the head of his cock against her slippery slick clit and listening to her moans.
When he can’t wait anymore, he pushes it down and slides it into her. The incredibly intense sensation she feels when he enters her cuts her breath short. She wraps her arms and legs tightly around him as he pumps his cock in and out of her.
He says:
Your pussy feels so tight.
I love how wet you are.
Damn, you feel so good.
She says:
Fuck me deeper.
Your cock feels so big inside me.
Oh my God, you’re fucking me so well.
Doggystyle
She rests her head on her arms, proudly holding her beautiful ass, displaying it for him. He grabs a hold of her hips, admiring the view for a few moments before positioning his cock against her pussy.
He pulls on her hips while thrusting into her, fucking her hard and deep. The blanket can barely muffle her moans.
He says:
Your ass looks so hot from here.
I love watching my cock slide into your pussy.
Do you like it when I fuck you hard like that?
She says:
Yes, baby, fuck me harder!
Spank my ass!
I love it when you take me from behind.
Anal
Fucking her pussy wasn’t enough. She wants more. She feels insatiable.
She stands at the edge of the bed and bends over. He knows exactly what that means. He pours some lube into his palm and covers his cock in it. He steadies himself and slowly pushes into her tight asshole.
He says:
Your ass is so fucking tight, baby.
Your ass feels so good I’ll need to go slow.
I can’t wait to fill your ass with my come.
She says:
I love it when you fuck my tight little ass.
My ass is yours.
You like fucking my ass, daddy?
Long-Distance Flirting
They’ve been apart for a couple of weeks now, and they’ll finally get together again on Saturday.
They have a lot of naughty plans together. They’ve been talking about spending the entire weekend in bed, and neither of them is exaggerating.
For now, they’re just talking, getting each other excited and building anticipation.
He says:
I can’t wait until my face is between your legs.
I can’t stop thinking about the last time, when you teased the tip of my cock with your tongue until I filled your mouth with my come.
When I get there, I’m not waiting until we get to the bedroom. As soon as the door is shut, I’m bending you over the kitchen counter.
She says:
I miss having your cock inside me.
I can’t stop thinking about how badly I want you to fuck my ass.
You make me so horny I can barely concentrate.
Long-Distance Fucking
Fuck waiting. They’re horny now.
He can’t hear the sweet, breathy sound of her voice without getting hard.
Seeing his sexy smile on webcam makes her want to slip her hand in her panties.
They spend all night touching themselves while talking, coming up with different scenarios to get each other off.
He says:
I tug your panties off and toss them behind me. I dive into you, tracing my tongue up the slit of your wet pussy.
I push my hard cock into you, stretching you out.
I’m slowly stroking my cock, thinking about you rubbing your clit for me.
She says:
I push you up against the wall and unbutton your pants. I pull out your stiff cock and stroke it slowly before dropping to my knees so I can take it in my warm, wet mouth.
I can’t stop rubbing my clit for you. Just thinking about you is making me so wet.
If we were together right now, I’d get on my knees and let you have your way with me. Tell me what you’d do to me.
A Little Bit of Kink
He can tell by the look on her face, she wants to surrender to him.
She looks up at him silently while he cuffs her wrists to the bedframe, then the other. She’s his now and he’s going to give her exactly what she needs.
He says:
You like it when I spank your ass, don’t you, you dirty little slut?
You’ve been such a bad girl. I’m not fucking you until you beg for it.
I’m going to come. I want you to swallow it all up like a good girl.
She says:
I’ve been very naughty. What are you going to do to me?
Please fuck me.
Spank me harder!
Climax
His cock is pumping into her hard and fast. The room is filled with the sound of their groans and flesh slapping against flesh.
They’re getting close. They’re about to finish.
He says:
You’re going to make me come!
I’m so close!
I’m going to fill you up with my come!
She says:
Don’t stop, I’m going to come!
I want you to pull out and come on my ass.
Come inside me!
Get Creative
The hardest part of dirty talking is deciding on what to say. Hopefully, you now have plenty of material to draw on.
And once you get used to it, you’ll be able to get more creative. There’s no better feeling than just letting go and saying whatever comes to your filthy mind. But until then, don’t worry, I gotchu.
Thanks to Michelle Ann for suggesting I cover long-distance dirty talk!
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