Private Matters

How Passive-Aggressive Google Would Answer Your Personal Questions.

Because who else are you going to ask?

10. Am I cheating if I look at porn? It really depends on the time?

9. Am I a loser? If you’re asking Google, what does that tell you?

8. Am I crazy? See 9.

7. Am I in love? If you’re so annoyed by someone else’s way of life that you decide to hang around, then yes, you are in love.

6. Am I pregnant? Put your uterus in the search box and we’ll tell you.

5. Do I have ________________? (fill in STD here) Again, see 9.

6. Why can’t I get laid? Because you seek advice about matters of vulnerability from a unemotional, kind of crappy, but well marketed search engine.

3. What’s wrong with me? Not everything. Just a few mega-important things.

2. Am I gay? Probably.

…and number 1 — Why do people hate me? People don’t hate you. They love you. It’s just love can turn into hate and that may be the problem.

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