Whatever You Do, Don’t End Relationships At Her Parent’s House

Summary

The article recounts a personal experience of a poorly executed break-up in the girlfriend's childhood home and offers humorous advice on how to handle such a delicate situation.

Abstract

The narrative describes a man's decision to end his relationship while visiting his girlfriend's family home in Pittsburgh, despite having lived with her in Boston. The author reflects on the realization that guilt-driven relationships are not sustainable and emphasizes the importance of honesty and communication. The break-up is depicted as a chaotic event, with the author advising readers to be prepared for intense emotional reactions, to maintain civility, and to have an exit strategy. The article concludes with the notion that time heals all wounds and that the experience, although uncomfortable, can lead to personal growth and a better understanding of what one truly values in a partner.

Opinions

The author suggests that break-ups should not be initiated in emotionally charged locations, such as a partner's family home.
Honesty and responsible communication are preferable to guilt-driven relationships.
It is important to be mentally prepared for extreme reactions from the partner being broken up with.
Despite the tension, it is crucial to remain compassionate and not exacerbate the situation.
The article humorously implies that sometimes it's best to leave quickly and let the family handle the aftermath.
The author reflects on the idea that difficult experiences, like a bad break-up, can lead to valuable insights about personal values and the qualities one seeks in a life partner.

It’s not Pretty. Not pretty at all.

My aunt had a saying, “if you’re in doubt, get the hell out”. Yes, my aunt.

A long time ago, in another life far, far away, I broke up with a girl in her childhood home(no joke). And although it wasn’t pretty, and it really wasn’t pretty, because I did it in her bedroom(also no joke).

Nevertheless, here are some tips should you also find yourself in a hell of your own making.

Sometimes realizations happen. Before the trip, I wasn’t being responsible. I was in Boston, had no job, lived at her place, and was “on the dole”. Her father was pissed. My father was psyched. I lost friends over time and felt guilty for leaving her alone. It took two years and a view from 30,000 feet to realize guilt trips aren’t worth it. This could’ve been avoided with honesty, a painful conversation, and a U-Haul.

Always check the weather. As with anything you do, the weather is always a wildcard, especially these days when weather folk might as well be palm readers and fortune-tellers. However, from my experience, plan for a blizzard and bone-cold temps — and that’s inside the house. Had I known, I would’ve said “I don’t love you anymore” after breakfast.

Be ready for anything. We were living in Boston so Pittsburgh was foreign soil. Therefore, you have to do your best to let them down easy. Yes, anxiety screams desperation, but don’t pull away by politely requesting alone time for five or six hours. That’ll backfire. One minute you’re alone in the study trying to calm your nerves. The next, she’s a foot away screaming, “DO YOU LOVE ME!?!?! DO YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME!?!?!”. At this moment, whatever you do, don’t pee.

Don’t be an asshole. After hours of screaming, she’ll be hoarse. So be a mensch and offer her some water, but then do remind her about social distancing.

Embrace your inner hypocrisy. Due to stormy conditions, expect to wait an hour after you order your Uber. You’ll feel markedly uncomfortable. After all, who breaks up with their girlfriend and then just takes a seat as if.

Bring an activity. Remember, you just shit all over your now “friend’s” family in their own home. You’ll be reigning asshole number one, not Gary, and not even Doug. They will show great restraint from beating you with the fireplace stoker. Instead, just ignore them and do something. Now’s a good time to find a hotel, check the news, or color.

It’s okay to just leave. Seeing you went from houseguest to home invader, don’t even say goodbye. Let your father-in-law handle it. He’ll likely fix himself a scotch, condemn her room, and then watch the Steelers game.

Time heals all wounds. This is true even if, at that moment, you don’t believe it. If time didn’t, we’d all be dead by a thousand cuts. So here is the deal. You’ll either wind up semi-snoozing on a boxspring at a Fairfield Inn or strolling aimlessly in Terminal C. You may not feel comfortable, but you’ll be comfortable. After all, you’ve learned something about what you value in a life long companion. And that may be a dog.

Bad Break-Ups. No, Seriously Bad Break-Ups.

Whatever You Do, Don’t End Relationships At Her Parent’s House

It’s not Pretty. Not pretty at all.