How I Found 7 Unique Super Powers as a Narcissistic Abuse Survivor

Abuse experts helped me find roses in my recovery journey after a lifetime of abuse.

Throughout childhood, I experienced narcissistic abuse, what many refer to as repeated “soul-rape.” The abuse came with hugs and the words: “I love you. I’m trying to protect you.”

Discovering narcissistic abuse in my birth family and adult relationships seems like the worst and best thing that ever happened to me.

I always assumed it was my fault that I often felt lonely, insecure, and even worthless. Something must be wrong with me. Am I not engaging, intelligent, or pretty enough for my family to pay attention to me? To love me?

Since my parents homeschooled me, I became immersed in this environment.

From an early age, I engaged in numerous numbing behaviors, such as consuming excess food and sweets, alcohol, drugs, and over-working. During one depressive episode, I used self-harm as a way to express my pain. As a vulnerable young woman, multiple men sexually abused me. After a disastrous breakup with a narcissistic boyfriend, I nearly killed myself.

I assumed everything was somehow my fault, perhaps from some significant character flaws or my sexual nature.

But I refuse to accept any more responsibility or shame for having been abused. Instead, I’m beginning to embrace the incredible strength I developed as a survivor. Beauty often shines from our deepest wounds, like roses amongst thorns.

Narcissists make our strengths look like weaknesses, but we can reclaim our power. Through the past year, I’ve been recovering and discovering the intricacies of my soul. In this mess, I found seven priceless treasures.

How I Reclaimed My Power

When I realized narcissists flip strengths to look like weaknesses, I sifted through memories to examine their criticisms. Here are few tools that helped me dig deeper:

• Shadow work: This process for making the unconscious mind conscious helps me discover parts of myself that I’ve repressed, such as leadership, sensitivity, intuition, and courage.
• Abuse research: Finding books and experts who resonate and getting specific about what happened enables me to remove unearned shame. I’ve also synthesized novel approaches to avoid other narcissists.
• Inner child healing: Reliving painful memories from childhood and rewriting negative self-beliefs brings more self-compassion into my life. I get to give my child self the love and validation she needs.
• Somatic therapy: Incorporating bodywork to more fully experience my emotions has been crucial to releasing internalized beliefs. My trauma-trained therapist and abuse survivor life coach help me create a safe space for this raw processing.
• Creative expression: Each time I share my story, I validate the truth of my experiences. When I get my emotions out, I become the author of new, powerful endings.

My 7 Unique Super Powers

1. Empowered Authenticity

Throughout childhood, I morphed and hid parts of myself to please family members. Like most narcissistic families, vulnerability felt dangerous, and appearances mattered more than substance. So I tried to be pleasant, helpful, and pretty.

Now, as I unravel the abuse, I get to experience my whole self, including the dark, unattractive parts. Instead of defaulting to others’ values, I clarify my priorities. I walk away from people who don’t value my authentic self.

Most survivors show high integrity and authenticity, writes Andrea Schneider, MSW, LCSW. “Survivors’ actions and words line up very congruently.”

The more I align with my inner desires, the more authentically fulfilling my life becomes.

Takeaway: As I experience my soul more fully, I more consistently refuse to fragment myself in relationships. I believe in my unique value and stay away from people who view me as replaceable.

2. Heightened Perceptiveness

Growing up in a dysfunctional home, I learned to perceive others’ moods and emotions quickly. I needed to keep family members calm to feel safe.

Free from abusive relationships, I embrace strong intuition and perceptiveness for my higher purpose. Being sensitive is a superpower that helps me protect my energy, avoid toxic people, and find empowering opportunities.

“Being able to feel the vibes in any room” is a common survivor superpower, writes Amy Marlow-MaCoy, LPC.

With high self-awareness, I recognize my emotions more easily. I sense when a romantic partner, friend, or housemate won’t be a good fit for me. I catch negative thought patterns more easily and choose helpful self-beliefs instead.

Takeaway: Though abusers told me I was too sensitive, emotional, and dramatic, I now recognize how valuable these strengths are.

3. Uninhibited Creativity

My creative writing journey started and stopped a long time ago. I excelled in English classes, loved reading, worked as a journalist, and then began my first public blog. But my loud inner critic made me feel small, uninteresting, and afraid of criticism; I stopped posting after a few months.

Soon after the narcissism discovery, I got back into writing and steadily used greater vulnerability. My earlier articles included few personal details, and I tiptoed around phrases or concepts that others may interpret as weakness.

But as I recognize and call out the negative voices, I more fully express my truth. Telling my story with the uncomfortable details feels freeing.

Additionally, I enjoy bold creative expression in my wardrobe, home decor, music-making, and dancing.

After so much adversity, survivors can reap the rewards of hard-earned wisdom to manifest marvelous things.

Takeaway: Instead of censoring my creativity with negative abuse programming, I embrace courage. I use the anger from past repression as motivation to create and share more freely.

4. Greater Self-Acceptance

Throughout childhood, I regularly felt I wasn’t “good enough.” As a healthy child wanting to be accepted, I engaged in overachieving and perfectionism behaviors. I searched for external validation, personally and professionally.

But the more I self-validate, the less I judge myself for taking time to rest or play. My therapist finally convinced me to take “off the hook” days.

Similarly, I’m growing more comfortable with experiencing sad, angry, and sometimes pessimistic feelings. Life is complex, and over-emphasizing “virtue” doesn’t leave room for wholeness.

Most survivors struggle with toxic shame, self-blame, and judgment. With small steps towards self-compassion, we can interrupt these patterns to build a thick foundation of self-acceptance.

Takeaway: As a survivor, I channel my anger into building solid self-worth. The more I accept my whole, imperfect self, the less I need others’ acceptance. I more easily pursue authentic needs and desires.

5. Strong Self-Trust

Because my caretakers didn’t validate my emotions, I learned to question myself. Sadly, I began prioritizing logic over intuition—repeated gaslighting when I did share made it challenging to trust my experience.

As an informed adult, I recognize entire communities can get things wrong, i.e., church, school, extended families.

Through the recovery process, my self-trust has grown stronger. I feel empowered to explore new experiences, creative projects, professional opportunities, and spontaneous adventures.

Debbie Mirza, author of “The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist,” interviewed hundreds of survivors, and she encourages us to reflect on these questions:

• What would life feel like if you knew you were capable of supporting yourself?
• What would it feel like to believe that you are truly good at what you do?
• What would it be like to know that you can handle anything that comes your way?

Takeaway: As an abuse survivor, I listen to and trust my gut instincts. I believe I am already good enough, and I don’t have to prove my value to anyone.

6. Beautiful Persistence

When I was six years old and my mom told me to clean my room, I said, “No, thank you,” with an innocent smile. My family described me as “hard-headed” and “stubborn.”

With a new perspective, I prefer “persistent” and “determined.” This strength empowers me to overcome frustrating challenges and has helped immensely with this often-confusing recovery journey. My determination has also helped me build more enthusiastic self-care habits.

“Adult children of narcissists are a strong bunch. It’s easy to underestimate that strength when you’re focused on your flaws. You’re still standing because you are strong and resilient. You went through fire, and you are still standing. Scars and bruises don’t mean you failed. They mean you are still fighting,” writes Marlow-MaCoy.

Takeaway: Surviving abuse requires immense strength and resilience. Free of abusive relationships, I use my persistence to pursue my most expansive dreams.

7. Childlike Energy

Trying to manage others’ emotions, living with chronic stress, and working to prove myself took up so much energy. Without those pressures, I’m starting to feel exhilarating freedom.

Everyone has the right not to like me, and worrying about others’ opinions wastes my precious energy. Instead, I focus on loving myself more. Now, I feel more creative, open to new possibilities in personal and professional spheres.

In narcissistic homes, “There is no safety,” “Acceptance is conditional,” and “Competition, not cooperation, rules the day,” writes Julie L. Hall, a recovery coach.

But as I re-parent myself and heal my inner child, I reconnect to youthful energy. The world feels exciting and adventurous without the barbed wire fences of others’ expectations.

Takeaway: As I release the mental and emotional attachment to toxic family members, I feel greater freedom and youthful energy.

Discovering abuse in my childhood and adult relationships has been both horrifying and freeing. Unexpectedly, my suffering provided a path to evolve my soul. I feel grateful for the new depth in my existence. I see a future full of healthy, loving relationships.

Despite common myths, it does not “take two to tango” with narcissistic abuse. Abusers hold all the responsibility for their behaviors. It was never our fault.

I’m finding many beautiful roses along the thorny path of healing. My immense anger motivates me to pursue my highest victories, and I believe crisis fuels transformation.

“There is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself.” — Hannah Gadsby.

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