TRANSGENDER
Hits From the T — Can I Get a Hit?
Reflecting on my transition journey this week
WEEK 57 CHECK-IN:
Trans Life Past: This week I’ll be publishing Sugar Twink and getting #DearMoon (NUSA prequel short that introduces several of the main characters) ready to be re-published. I’ll be starting NaNoWriMo. And I hope to add some new digital PRIDE prinatble paper bead templates to my Etsy store.
- So, I did the things, but didn’t ‘finish’ any of the things. But that’s fine because that was totally the focus of my therapy session last week. Lol. That was around why I don’t stop to celebrate achievements. Because there is always something more to do. Sooo… I will never finish. So, I can never celebrate. Yeah, I’m working on that one, haha. There was also a childhood trauma (surprise, surprise) aspect of celebrations being about others and not ME, so there’s that too.
- It’s been another emotionally and physically exhausting week. I’m managing allergies with a daily antihistamine but still getting asthma. But, in spite of the asthma meds potentially being a problem in combination with phentermine, I HAD to get back on phentermine and boy did I notice an almost INSTANT improvement. But, funny thing is, it’s much more to do with mental state. I don’t feel the energy increase with phentermine, I just feel more stable. Funny that it’s also an antidepressant, but I am sooooo not ready to jump down THAT rabbit hole. Lol.
- Basically, where I am at is if I survive this sit (and I’m only half joking because OMG, waking up unable to breathe is NOT fun, oh, and stress…), I have new standards about the future sits I’ll accept.
- Having said all of the above, the dogs are so much more chill with me now. As soon as someone else enters the house, all that goes out the window. Says a lot about their ‘training’. They really are gorgeous dogs, they just have shockingly bad habits and none of it is their fault. More on this when I launch Adventures in Pet Sitting. Follow the publication. I’ll launch when I have 10 followers :) Hehe. Sneaky me!
Priorities: 1. Editing and Publishing — Sugar Twink
- SO close. I’m a week behind but I KNOW what I need to do for both this and the next two books to get back on track and it’s going to be easy done (now that I’m getting my focus realigned).
2. Editing — #DearMoon
- Have not touched this but I know it doesn’t need much. It will just be a cover check (and MAYBE a new cover) and a read-through to ensure consistency with the NUSA universe.
3. NaNoWriMo Rebel — 5 scenes
- I’ve done four but that’s because the fifth is due today and I’m writing this first. Yeah, good point. OK, I’ll go do a thing. Be right back…
- Ok, so there we go. 4155 words written today. It was Thad and Luie’s first kiss. Who are Thad and Luie? Well, Thadeus is the creator of our solar system and Ludikros is the IT guy. They work at the Harvest Endpoint Virtual Omniverse Network (HEVON). That’s a WIP corporation name, lol. Part of the expanded NUSA universe :)
T-Day and Beyond Daily Journal:
Day 394 (Sunday): I find it hilarious and satisfying to see my follower numbers change.
Without fail, when I publish anything on Prism & Pen or another publication, I gain some followers. And, without fail, after I post my weekly T-Day and Beyond post, I lose some followers. I haven’t done enough research or conducted any experiments to be able to conclude a correlation, but I always see it. And I thoroughly enjoy it because T-Day and Beyond serves a purpose and anyone who isn’t hip to THAT particular jive, is never going to be hip to my personal jive. Lol.
Day 395 (Monday): Trump is a special kind of special.
That’s all, really.
But it’s a great way to sort out people when you first meet them.
“What do you think about Trump?”
“He’s misunderstood.” = the reddest flag.
“He’s great.” = RUN!!!!!
“Can I not?” = a new friend.
Hysterical laughter = hey bestie!
Day 396 (Tuesday): Well, fuck me! Fuck you, body. I blame the stress.
Thirteen months on T. Two months at an upped dose. Bloods confirmed I’m at a good T level. First time in five years I haven’t been anemic. And what does my body do? Yeah, you got it. Throw at me the thing that I was most looking forward to never seeing again on T. The thing that gives me the most gender dysphoria of anything. The thing I wanted to destroy before it even showed up. The thing that has tried to kill me for years. Yeah, that fucking asshole. Fuckity fuck fuck with fuck you sprinkles and fucking fuck-munch! Grrrr. I’ll share the full story one day — today is not that day.
Day 397 (Wednesday): NaNoWriMo is a go. And I’m already in struggle town, but that’s fiiiiiiiiine. I’m fiiiiiiiiiiine.
Yesterday’s ‘problem’ is still kicking my ass but I will NOT let my stupid-ass faulty body or stress beat me. Because, I ain’t got time for that shit, basically. Lol. It’s day 2 of NaNo and yesterday, I wrote my first scene from Thadeus’ story. His story is the ‘in the beginning’ of NUSA. As in, dude created our universe. But holy crap, it has such a Cupid’s Guide vibe. Without huge spoilers… what are blackholes? Oh, that’s where Thadeus made a mistake and had to erase it. What are asteroids? Well, random crumbs because they know they aren’t supposed to eat lunch at their desks! Yes, even the creator of our universe has a freakin’ desk, hahahaha. Anyway, this month’s episodes of the Character Collective Podcast will follow our NaNo rebel journey. New eps are out Wednesday (10pm AEDT, 7am ET). Here’s the most recent ep (external link):
Day 398 (Thursday): I am so smart. S M A T. I Mean, S M A R T!
I know I am intelligent. The IQ tests say so. The fact that my MENSA pre-test says I would “most likely be accepted based on results” says so. My uni results say so. I’m one of those annoying fuckers that doesn’t do the work, doesn’t study, doesn’t try, and yet, nails the exam and gets great marks on every essay (because I KNOW how to ‘manipulate’ words, lol). I have so much proof that I am ‘intelligent’…
But holy crap I’m such an almighty dumb-ass!
- I have logic smarts — I can puzzle that shit to perfection!
- “Educated guessing” is my thang.
- I have a brain full of characters and my ‘intuition’ is just about listening to any one of them at a given time.
- I get jokes. Well, mostly, lol.
- I’m quick-witted.
- I’m funny AF when I’m not thinking about it.
- I do sarcasm font with flavor.
But I’m the dumb-ass that looked up “gullible” in the dictionary. AFTER I knew the joke… just to check.
I’m the dumb-ass that falls for things that are sooooooo obviously not real, but I go down the rabbit hole of, THAT sounds amazing!
I’m the dumb-ass that wants all the weirdest shit to be true, because, it could be?
Actually, forget it. Reading this back, all my dumb-assery parts are kind of fun, lol. Is this all just my neurodivergence in action? Smarts means nothing. Dumb-ass means nothing. I like all the above things about me, even the dumb-assery.
Well, not where I saw this going, but I’m happy with it! Lol.
Day 399 (Friday): Does Phentermine make my brain work right?
Ok, so, I’ve mentioned before that I went on phentermine (Duromine) for weight loss. I’ve also mentioned that it didn’t seem to ‘work’ the way it was supposed to but for me, it was perfect. I may have also mentioned I didn’t have any of the negative side effects. What if all of that is because it’s just making my brain work right? I went off it because of interactions with asthma meds (which I was using regularly because of allergies at the dander farm I’m staying at). In that time, I’ve lost ALL focus. I’m staring into the distance and dissociating more again. I’m eating too much bread, again. I’m sooooo so tired, all the time. I didn’t notice how dysfunctional I was until it was taken away. Just like T! Fuck me, I think if I went off T now, I wouldn’t be able to handle it at all — because now I know what it feels like to feel, ok. So, back on Duromine (at least for now), because my new normal was so much nicer than the old one.
Day 400 (Saturday): How a Drag Queen name almost became a sock.
OK, the sock thing is an ongoing joke. At a writer’s meetup one time, a fellow writer became obsessed with the color of a sock his character found in a cave. He became so focussed, all writing came to a halt. And so now, if we get stuck on a detail, especially one that doesn’t particularly matter to the storyline or plot, we say, “Let go of the sock!”
In Sugar Twink, there is a Drag Queen. This is the WHOLE of the interaction.
Pretty Paresh waves from the stage. Not that there is a show on, but even out of drag, he can’t help but flutter towards the limelight. Paresh is one of the most beautiful men, and as [Drag Queen name], she is one of the most beautiful drag queens, I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Or fucking. I fucked him. I fucked her. He is one of the very few I would consider inviting upstairs again.
And yet, for a little while there, her name became a sock! I had back-and-forths with Kristy Westaway and a few ideas were thrown around. I ran some of those past Logan Silkwood and when he asked about the character, I realized, FUCK ME! I’d made it a sock. So, Pokey Mondabutt it is. Lol.
This Week’s Articles:
And on to WEEK 58:
Trans Life Ahead: It’s all a bit of the same at this stage of the game. In every aspect of the game, lol.
Priorities: 1. Books (Sugar Twink, #DearMoon, Story Bored) 2. NaNoWriMo 3. Medium (post two articles to OTHER pubs)
Dose: 3 Pumps/day (37.5mg)