Fighting Against Diet Culture, as Told in 6 Vignettes

It’s an emotional process that takes time, but it’s so worth it.

I was raised in diet culture.

Registered dietitian Christy Harrison explains diet culture like this:

“Diet culture is a system of beliefs that worships thinness and equates it to health and moral virtue… promotes weight loss as a means of attaining higher status… demonizes certain ways of eating while elevating others, which means you’re forced to be hyper-vigilant… [and] oppresses people who don’t match up with its supposed picture of ‘health,’ which disproportionately harms women, femmes, trans folks, people in larger bodies, people of color, people with disabilities [and more].”

In my experience with diet culture, I thought certain foods were “bad” and being fat was “bad.” I thought I needed to lose weight, that being in a smaller body would somehow make me a better person. I thought if I reached certain higher weights, I’d never feel happy.

But you know where those thoughts and actions brought me? They brought me to obsess about calories and the arbitrary number on the scale. They made me care about my body mass index (BMI), which is inaccurate. They made me cry in guilt over what I’d eaten and made me eat so little for so long that I became sick. They made me cry over something as meaningless as my body size. They overtook my life and positive memories.

Thankfully, once I came to these realizations and learned a lot in college through Embody Carolina, an organization focused on eating disorder education, body positivity, social justice and body liberation, I began to live a much happier, fuller life. I said goodbye to diet culture, with all of its many problems, and fought it every time I could.

However, I struggled and I slipped. Diet culture and mental illness can both be tempting, familiar and safe in their own ways, and I sometimes fell back into them. However, once I realized how unhappy they made me, and how I deserved better, I fairly quickly got back up and fought again.

I want to reflect on experiences in which I fought against diet culture and remind myself that those moments were and are great, even if they don’t always feel that way. And since I’ve learned so much about weight and health that I wish I knew sooner, I also want to encourage others to fight diet culture so they can also live more fulfilling lives.

As told in six vignettes, here are some ways I’ve fought diet culture that you can too.

Vignette #1: Thinness is everywhere, but I choose to love my curves and respect my body.

I go to the swimming pool and to dance classes; I go babysit. I see thin people and thin Barbies everywhere; I see my old, sick body everywhere. I miss looking that way and how powerful I felt. I compare myself constantly. I contemplate restricting my intake, but I know my life will be much fuller when I respect my body. I know that weight loss can’t cure bad body image and that asking myself certain questions can help. I remind myself that just as flowers look different but are all still beautiful, the same goes for bodies, and beauty isn’t all that important, anyway.

Vignette #2: My friends aren’t hungry anymore, but I am, so I eat.

I go over to a friend’s house to watch a movie and hang out. We eat some snacks, and they reach fullness before I do. Since I’m still hungry, I keep eating. I know our bodies all have different needs and my hunger and eating don’t make me any less of a good person.

Vignette #3: I throw away my diet pills and ask my partner to hide my scale.

I haven’t taken diet pills in years or weighed myself in months, but when I’m alone in my room, I’m tempted to use them. I don’t like the temptation — it feels so real that I become scared. I think about how easy and quick it would be to use them, but then I remind myself they hurt me emotionally and physically. I remind myself I live a happier life without them now. I throw my diet pills in the trash, hiding them under toilet paper, and ask my partner to hide my scale. When we move, we leave the scale at the old house. I haven’t bought either since, and I’m so much happier.

Vignette #4: People moralize food in person and on social media, but I eat it anyway.

I watch people judge themselves or others about how many carbs they’ve eaten. I hear people talk about their diets and skipping desserts. Part of me worries they’ll judge me or see me as “bad” for my food choices, but then I remember my body knows what it needs and food doesn’t have moral value. I remind myself diet culture has roots in capitalism, thin privilege and oppression, and a life filled with food worries isn’t one that interests me. I decide I’ll eat some carbs or dessert when I want them and I’ll do my best to not feel guilty about it.

Vignette #5: I see new stretch marks on my legs, but I try to view them in a positive way.

I see several new stretch marks all over my legs, and I can’t help but feel self-conscious, at least at first. Even though I’ve gained more weight at once than I have recently, I’m getting older, and my skin is losing its elasticity. I yearn for my younger body and worry about the marks showing up in pictures. Then, my partner reminds me that those stretch marks are actually tiger stripes, and they’re really cool. I think about the post below I saw and appreciate. I remind myself bodies are always changing and it’s okay and normal to gain weight, especially in a pandemic. I remind myself my body is only one small part of who I am and that having stretch marks doesn’t make me any less of a good or attractive person.

Vignette #6: Some of my clothes don’t fit anymore, but I remind myself that doesn’t change who I am.

My partner and I are going to dinner, so I put on one of my new favorite dresses. However, I quickly find out it doesn’t fit anymore. This hasn’t been the first outfit that hasn’t fit me: Two weeks ago, I discovered a pair of my shorts doesn’t fit me anymore either. I let myself cry it out — weight gain is hard in our diet culture-filled society and with my disordered eating history, and the clothes were new — but then I realize I have plenty of other clothes to choose from and can go thrift shopping soon. I realize weight gain is normal and okay, especially during this time of quarantine, and that it doesn’t mean anything is bad or wrong with me. Further, I know sometimes we need to gain weight to gain health.

These vignettes portray times when I could fight against diet culture. However, I want to be clear it’s not always this easy or successful, and that’s okay too. In our journey to living a fuller life, we have to remain patient and self-compassionate. We have to validate the difficulty of what we’re trying to achieve and love not only our future self but also our past and current selves.

Turning our back on diet culture is a journey that takes time and effort, and our success won’t be linear. However, the results throughout that time are worth it.

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