Learning to Love Yourself, as Told by Someone Who Chronically Compares Herself
While I appreciate people’s good intentions, one of the worst statements someone can say after hearing my insecurities is Teddy Roosevelt’s assertion “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Don’t I know it!
I deeply want to stop comparing myself, but it comes second nature. I often feel insecure, whether about my body, eating, successes or ability to charm others.
However, many times I compare myself I’m able to catch myself and try to fix it. I don’t want to judge myself or others, and I know we weren’t created to be in competition.
Below are statements and questions I ask when I compare myself and feel insecure. They focus more on objectivity, logic and what makes me feel good, which can help in comparison-filled moments.
What do I love about my body? What does it help me do?
This could include your hair, arms or the art on your nails. This could include your long eyelashes. This include physical feelings, like someone scratching your back or a hot shower. This could include actions, like dancing or laughing, though bodies are worthy regardless of ability.
What can I do when I’m not spending my time worrying about my body?
This could include being able to fully enjoy social activities and dinners out. This could include relaxation or hobbies or your ways you make money.
We eat different foods and different amounts because our bodies are different. There’s nothing wrong with hunger or another serving.
Nobody judges our eating like we do ourselves, and our eating doesn’t need to be judged. We’re allowed to eat what we want and need; it’s okay if it’s different from someone else. Food gives our brains energy. How does therapist and dietitian Ellyn Satter’s quote apply to this situation in a helpful way?
What have I achieved that makes me feel good?
This could include awards, organizations joined or the fact you got out of bed despite your depression. This could include jobs you were given, friends you gained, or the fact you started brushing your teeth more often. This could include a particular grade or a nice comment from someone.
It’s okay to be shy or quiet, especially at first. I know I can speak when necessary and that I have friends who love and value me, and that they’re the ones who matter.
It’s okay to not be the loudest person or to say something weird. We’re all awkward sometimes and we judge ourselves harsher than anyone else does. We all have good qualities and people who love us. As Dr. Seuss says, “Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
Know this: You are worthy of love and belonging regardless. You are special in your own way, as annoying as hearing that can be. Try to reframe your thoughts into something helpful; engage in cognitive behavioral therapy if possible.
The harder you work, the better you’ll feel. And if you mess up, that’s okay — healing isn’t linear.
