Does Your Partner Always Forget Valentine’s Day? It’s Not the Problem You May Think It Is

Why giving points for romantic effort should be part of your relationship equation

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, so naturally you want some recognition — along with some love and affection — from your partner. But maybe you’re expecting disappointment because Valentine’s Day usually isn’t on their radar, so every year it slips their mind. If you think it means doom and gloom for your relationship, however, think again.

Why? The key is believing that your partner is making an effort and is capable of changing their forgetful ways.

“A secret to building a happy relationship is to embrace the idea that your partner can change….” — Daniel C. Molden

In fact, according to a study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, the more people believe that their partner is capable of change, the more likely they are to feel secure and happy in their relationship. During the study, researchers asked people to rate the extent to which they believed their partner was making an effort to improve certain relationship-oriented characteristics — including listening skills, patience, and understanding. Participants were surveyed again three months later to determine how they were feeling about their partner and relationship, and the perception they had about their partner’s effort was key to their satisfaction.

“Many of us tend to under appreciate our partner’s efforts to improve the relationship, simply because we do not have enough faith in those attempts,” lead researcher Chin Ming Hui explained. “When we see those efforts in a positive light, we can enjoy our relationship much more.”

On the other hand, people who did not have faith in their partner’s ability to change were much less satisfied in their relationship overall.

“If you don’t believe that your partner is capable of changing his or her fundamental characteristics, even when he or she is working hard to try to improve your relationship, you can actually end up discounting these efforts,” said researcher Daniel C. Molden.

“Many of us tend to under appreciate our partner’s efforts to improve the relationship, simply because we do not have enough faith in those attempts.” — Chin Ming Hui

So the bottom line is, if your partner happens to forget Valentine’s Day tomorrow, taking into account any efforts they make to remember the celebrations that are important to you — and the possibility that this eagerness will lead to lasting change — will go a long way toward having a better holiday next year.

“A secret to building a happy relationship is to embrace the idea that your partner can change, to give him or her credit for making these types of efforts and to resist blaming him or her for not trying hard enough all of the time,” Molden said.

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Cut your Valentine some slack: Partner’s efforts at improving your relationship should not be ignored. ScienceDaily. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/02/120213185826.htm