avatarBrandon Anderson

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Abstract

e Kings are the #1 Stoner League Pass team.</p><h2 id="2ff7">Serge</h2><p id="33bb">I don’t think I watched a single Heat game last year, nor will I this year unless that Jimmy Butler trade happens. Every time I see anyone from Miami I just think about how much they’re overpaying literally everyone not named Josh Richardson and it makes my heart ache. Spo is still very good and they might bother some lower playoff hopefuls but at this point it just comes down to how much you invested in the Wade Farewell Tour 2019.</p><p id="e428">I’m actually higher on the Bulls than I initially thought, health pending. They’ll score in bunches and have a variety of ways to do it. I hope LaVine’s athleticism is back and what we saw from Kris Dunn was not a fluke because that makes this a very fun team. It helps not knowing who Bobby Portis will try to fight next. They might hang 120 on some unfortunate team, but the problem is they’re built to give up 130 each game.</p><h2 id="e614">Brandon</h2><p id="d9fa">The Bulls are my home team but I can’t get there. Dunn and LaVine have crossed through both my favorite teams and yet to impress at either stop, and I’m already out on the Jabari experiment. I’m intrigued by Lauri-Wendell long-term, but the best selling point for the Bulls is exactly what you said — as a showcase for every opponent having their best offensive night of the year.</p><p id="c119">I can’t believe how out you are on Miami. I don’t know who should be more offended, Dion Waiters or <a href="undefined">Allana Tachauer</a>. I like guys like JRich and Bloodsport, and I sincerely hope they’re both on the Timberwolves before we publish this because sorry Allana, but that’s the only way anyone on this roster is turning into Jimmy Butler.</p><h2 id="a98f">Serge</h2><p id="0217">Shots fired. I’m just in this tier to watch Harry Giles surprise everyone.</p><div id="720a" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/nba-betting-guide-everything-you-need-to-dominate-vegas-2018-2019-basketball-mvp-roy-props-gambling-9c318af413ae"> <div> <div> <h2>2018-19 NBA Betting Guide: Everything You Need to Dominate Vegas</h2> <div><h3>MVP and Rookie of the Year picks, league leaders, and the best player props for the new NBA season</h3></div> <div><p></p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*_gV5zQ0k1WONFLnoYxHuCg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h1 id="ea3b">TIER V — FUN FRISKY FODDER</h1><h2 id="615e">22. Brooklyn Nets (23) 21. Charlotte Hornets (25) 20. Memphis Grizzlies (21) 19. Atlanta Hawks (29) 18. Los Angeles Clippers (20)</h2><h2 id="a7ad">Serge</h2><p id="5443">Are the Hawks this high because you’re bullish on Trae Young? I’m interested to see how that experiment goes for Atlanta, but I’ll watch them just so I could laugh, point at the TV, and say “could’ve had Luka!”</p><p id="8615">The one thing all of these teams have in common is they won’t surprise you by suddenly winning or playing amazing basketball, but each team has one player you’ll want to check in on every once in a while when they’re hanging 35 in some valiant losing effort. In order of ascending interest: Mike Conley, Trae, D’Angelo Russell, Kemba Walker, Lou Will.</p><h2 id="38ef">Brandon</h2><p id="d0ea">I absolutely am that high on the East Golden State Trae-Hawks. I think there’s a consensus top 12 League Pass teams, and I had the Hawks best of the rest at #13. Ever wondered if pace and space can work as a functional system regardless of talent? We’re about to find out (it can’t). Trae and Kevin Huerter are the Pete Davidson man’s version of Steph and Klay. John Collins is about to become one of those nightly highlight guys. Vince Carter is still happening. The Hawks are going to be terrible this year, but they’re going whole hog on the Trae experiment and I can’t wait to watch.</p><p id="a8d4">They’re not the only team you missed in this tier. The Hornets are my other big sleeper. They brought in a new coach and overhauled the system, and they’re going to run a lot with Kemba, Malik Monk, Miles Bridges, and Nic Batum. Hornets stay in the playoff mix, and they’re going to be an underrated watch. Bonus points for bringing back Stephanie Ready on the mic.</p><h2 id="6e17">Serge</h2><p id="99ce">I spent three years trying to get excited about the Hornets, telling everyone how good Batum is before him getting hurt and leaving Kemba as sole creator. Seeing Tony Parker in anything other than Spurs silver and black is going to take half a season to get used to and I hate change, so I’d rather not.</p><div id="5706" class="link-block"> <a href="https://grandstandcentral.com/2018/sports/nfl/the-cost-of-disloyalty-in-sports/"> <div> <div> <h2>The Cost of Disloyalty in Sports - Grandstand Central</h2> <div><h3>We talk about 'loyalty' when a player decides to leave, but call it 'just a business' when teams decide to cut ties. If…</h3></div> <div><p>grandstandcentral.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*DG77tVzu8tOjkVG4)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="ee5b">The Nets, on the other hand, can be sneaky gamey. D’Angelo Russell is playing with the same coach in back-to-back seasons for the first time. Kenny Atkinson is a smart coach we don’t talk about enough who had this Brooklyn team playing actual basketball last year. I think it’s going to be a good watch.</p><h2 id="9d39">Brandon</h2><p id="dd95">A month ago I was set to rank Charlotte last out of principle on Tony Parker, but life moves on and the Parker-Batum French Connection makes up for it a bit. Who else can we get over there? Jo Noah needs a new team. Would Boris Diaw come out of retirement? Just run an entirely French national team second unit. You’d watch.</p><p id="c848">The Grizz and Clips are a true test of basketball nerdery. You’re a real one if you can get into a Clips-Grizz game on a cold Tuesday night in February (especially since Conley, Gasol, and Parsons will be on IR by then, and I think Parsons just injured himself reading that sentence). I want to watch JJJ and Shai, Bobi and Toby, Avery and SloMo. Lots of uniquely fun players on these teams I’ll love checking in on once a month.</p><h2 id="32ad">Serge</h2><p id="79aa">Mike Conley is a few years removed from being the NBA’s highest-paid player for about three days. The Grizz are too good to not compete when healthy and now they added an exciting rookie so we’ll see what happens.</p><p id="9a19">I like watching Doc over-coach an average team into the playoff hunt. This Clippers team will be another example of his talent management.</p><h2 id="7888">Brandon</h2><p id="e450">I’m not super excited to watch this tier of teams play on their own, but they’re a great excuse to catch a worthy opponent.</p><div id="950a" class="link-blo

Options

ck"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/we-went-there-nba-opening-night-indiana-pacers-trounce-memphis-grizzlies-basketball-sabonis-turner-gasol-cb96b8bfa34"> <div> <div> <h2>We Went There for Opening Night: Indiana Pacers trounce the visiting Grizzlies</h2> <div><h3>I hit the road for Pacers opening night. Here’s what I saw.</h3></div> <div><p></p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*5W8ep3x_glXx6upxF-rxzA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h1 id="1fa5">TIER IV — THE NBA BOURGEOISIE</h1><h2 id="5b98">17. Indiana Pacers (28) 16. Houston Rockets (11) (15. Minnesota Timberwolves post-Jimmy, reserved) 15. Washington Wizards (7) 14. Phoenix Suns (22) 13. Portland Trail Blazers (14)</h2><h2 id="5d91">Brandon</h2><p id="5d11">How in the world ranking the Wizards top ten? Every time I think about this team, I want to watch them even less. John Wall is fat, and the unholy trifecta of Dwight Howard, Austin Rivers, and Jeff Green is a ticking time bomb. There’s never been as much of an on-paper team as Washington. Only the paper they’re on is toilet paper, Dwight just farted again, and I can smell it through my screen. This team will despise each other. They might have to bring Gilbert Arenas back just to police the locker room.</p><h2 id="330a">Serge</h2><p id="205d">Let me be perfectly clear. The Wizards are on this list for absolutely zero basketball reasons. I’m here for when it inevitably falls apart and someone stabs Dwight Howard in the cafeteria with a homemade shiv. Have you ever watched that episode of <i>The Simpsons </i>where Mr. Burns gets diagnosed with all the diseases but they can’t actually fit through the door so he stays perfectly fine? Maybe that’s this year’s Wizards.</p><p id="cc33">Are the Pacers too low? They consistently get bad grades from us, but with Victor Oladipo growing into a top talent (is Russ the NBA’s <i>Good Luck Chuck</i>?) and Baby Sabonis making progress, I’m actually excited to watch the Pacers.</p><h2 id="2f01">Brandon</h2><p id="72c2">To be fair, you have the Pacers at #13 and I brought the average down with my #22 ranking. The Pacers and Wizards were our two biggest discrepancies in your direction. As I write this, I’m literally <a href="https://readmedium.com/we-went-there-nba-opening-night-indiana-pacers-trounce-memphis-grizzlies-basketball-sabonis-turner-gasol-cb96b8bfa34">leaving in an hour to go to the Pacers home opener</a> and I can’t get myself excited. Oladipo’s fun, but I wonder if this team is about to turn into post-2016 Portland or post-2017 Miami where they overachieve, then overpay everyone to keep an average roster intact. Prove me wrong, Myles Turner.</p><p id="829a">The Suns feel like the team we’ll both drop ten spots in our mid-season update once we remember how bad they are at actual basketball. Ayton and Igor and a thousand wings sound fun, until we remember the Suns ranked dead last in offense <i>and</i> defense last year. Phoenix needs to trade for Mike Conley. Dragan, JoshJax, T.J. Warren, and cap room for Conley, who says no?</p><h2 id="b788">Serge</h2><p id="46df">Suns say no. Are they still trying to pry away Tyus Jones from Thibs’ cold, dead hands? It’s going to be fun when Jones becomes a good point guard for someone who isn’t invested in Derrick Rose as their comeback story for another year. I’ll laugh heartily.</p><p id="2ee9">Houston’s a weird team to place. This iteration of D’Antoni Ball has been fun, Chris Paul is still the smartest guy on the floor, and James Harden will forever be the most deceptive dribbler and expert contact-drawer. They lost some pieces , but CPe is too smart and too maniacal about winning for them not to hit 55. The real question here is which version of Carmelo we’re getting because if we get the OKC version, Chris Paul might kill him.</p><h2 id="1cdd">Brandon</h2><p id="3f90">I think we’re getting a new still-in-box version called Bench Melo, now available on a minimum deal. Houston will be very good again, but I really have no interest in watching Melo or CP3 or Harden, let alone all three together. We’ll get plenty of them in May.</p><p id="aa91">The Blazers get bonus points because there’s nothing like a late-night home game with Dame, C.J., and all those rabid Blazers fans. Plus, you never know when you’ll get a halftime rap performance from Dame or a podcast with C.J.</p><h2 id="bdab">Serge</h2><p id="0753">The Blazers are on a “when do we blow it up” clock because I don’t think you win with this team but they’re entertaining to watch, and honestly, maybe we can add Nurkic or his father wrestling a bear to the half-time slate?</p><p id="3573">Okay, but now let’s talk about the team we came here to talk about. What’s going on in Minnesota, Brandon? What’s the word on the ground?</p><h2 id="2ae1">Brandon</h2><p id="2451">You know what? The good people have been reading long enough, and <a href="https://readmedium.com/every-possible-jimmy-butler-trade-and-four-best-fits-nba-minnesota-timberwolves-toronto-miami-philadelphia-a07be7b7085c">I have a lot to say on this</a>. Besides, this is only Part I of the Timberwolves rankings. Let’s take this over to Part II and I’ll give you my full eulogy there.</p><h2 id="c001">Who’d we miss? Who is too high or too low? Leave your thoughts in the comments and check out Part II for teams #12 to #1…</h2><div id="f847" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/nba-league-pass-watchability-rankings-2018-2019-basketball-reddit-9cb43ad5a4d7"> <div> <div> <h2>The Definitive 2018–19 NBA League Pass Watchability Rankings, Part II</h2> <div><h3>Serge and Brandon rank the league’s 12 most watchable teams, from the Warriors to the 76ers…</h3></div> <div><p></p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*JREmY3iTRnoZRCw37P67Ug.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="5a42"><i>Improve your Twitter existence by following Serge <a href="https://twitter.com/Sergetacular">@Sergetacular</a> and look for his and Brandon’s work at <a href="https://grandstandcentral.com/">Grandstand Central</a>. Follow Brandon <a href="https://twitter.com/wheatonbrando">@wheatonbrando</a> for more sports, TV, humor, and culture. Visit Brandon’s <a href="https://readmedium.com/brandon-anderson-writing-archives-6b3ee1a29301#.6cteu050v">writing archives here</a>.</i></p><figure id="3b76"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*YnbtD8IipCsqVjNwkjtY8w.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><figure id="2ba5"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*d318hSQDEA-NP2sgKkTINw.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><figure id="0963"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*jwbMPAfFsxT_PGFz7US69Q.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure></article></body>

The Definitive 2018-19 NBA League Pass Rankings

Serge and Brandon go deep as the NBA season tips, ranking the league’s most watchable teams from 30 to 1…

The NBA season is here, and not a moment too soon. #NBATwitter gets pretty dark around mid-August. There are only so many fake trades the Trade Machine can produce, NBA draft and Summer League buzz last only a month, and Jimmy Butler and Chris Paul are too busy banana boating the summer away to produce any drama. No matter. Basketball is back.

And there’s only one way to watch it all — with an expensive NBA League Pass subscription that never actually works. Still, for that rare Wednesday after the second full moon of the month between midnight and 1am when the LP gods deign to make their presence known, you need to know whether to catch a Kings-Suns scrimmage or a Knicks-Bulls snuff film.

So serge and I ranked every team, yelled at each other awhile, finally agreed on a top five, sang Kumbaya, and hit publish. You can check out last year’s rankings here. We start at #30, and here’s a link to Part II when you’re done…

TIER VII — THE DREGS

30. Cleveland Cavaliers (last season: 10) 29. New York Knicks (19) 28. Orlando Magic (26)

Serge

The Knicks are the only team on here that I reserve the right to slingshot at least ten spaces the moment Kristaps Porzingis returns. Until then, I am not sure if I want to watch whatever is happening in New York. I’m actually not sure anyone in New York wants to watch it either and they’re all just biding time speculating about Kevin Durant.

The less said about the Cavs and the Magic the better. I’m not sure how entertaining the collection of Cleveland rejects will be to watch without the added comedy of LeBron having to put up with each and every one of them. Don’t get me wrong, they might actually be a halfway decent basketball team, but I have zero interest in tuning in. As far as the Magic go, I’ll just have someone super-cut every Mo Bamba highlight for me.

Brandon

I’ve seen enough Cavs to last me through the decade. I wouldn’t mind just not remembering the Cavs exist until 2021. I expected the Magic higher with Bamba, Aaron Gordon, and my guy Jonny Isaac, but it’s a guards league now and they ain’t got any. They’re a tough watch. The Knicks are going to be atrocious, but at least we get to watch Frankie Ntilikina, Mitchell Robinson, and Kevin Knox grow up right before our eyes. Who’s the best player on the Knicks, Timmy Hardaway Jr.? Oh god, is it Enes Kanter?!

Serge

If you listen to the fine people of New York, it’s Kevin Knox, who’s apparently already an All Star.

Brandon

Think it’s too soon to add him to the Hall of Fame with Jayson Tatum? Yeah… Too soon.

TIER VI — THESE ARE NOT THE DROIDS YOU’RE LOOKING FOR

27. Detroit Pistons (30) 26. Miami Heat (13) 25. San Antonio Spurs (8) 24. Sacramento Kings (18) 23. Chicago Bulls (27)

Brandon

I can’t believe the Pistons are not in the bottom tier. Like, I’m actually confused and angry. There’s nothing about Deeetroit Baaasketball that interests me. I don’t care about Blake or Drummond. I have Pistons dead last. I don’t want to watch them play, and I don’t want to watch anyone play them. Is this some sort of Dwane Casey Stockholm syndrome for you?

Serge

I will live with my ranking (21st!), though I’m actually actively talking myself into dropping them lower and lower every minute. There’s nothing exciting about Casey-ball, nothing at all. This is based purely on the speculation that Blake Griffin plays at least 60 games at point-forward and Andre Drummond’s progress last year in the “giving a shit” department was not a fluke.

I shed a tear when the Spurs didn’t even make top 20. Gregg Popovich continuously proves that if you give him three half-decent players and the extras from Coach Carter he’ll get them to the playoffs. Except Dejounte Murray is hurt and I just feel sorry for Pop who went from coaching Finals winners to two dudes who shoot an excessive amount of mid-range Js and play questionable defense at best. I just want him to retire now.

Brandon

Costco Kobe is the actual definition of “half decent,” and that’s a great description for LaMarcus Aldridge, too. If we count Pau as like a quarter decent, do the Spurs have enough nickels and loonies to scrape together a first-round playoff loss? Good luck, Pop.

The Kings and Bulls are not any more “basketball” than the Knicks. The Kings should be like 10 spots higher because I really want to watch Bagley and Fox and Trill, but I don’t want to watch them play in lineups with four centers, and I don’t need to see Dave Joerger actively try to get himself fired. I still can’t watch a Kings home game amidst the weird purple haze it emits on my screen. When I watch Sacramento home games I feel like I’m high, or maybe I just wish I was. The Kings are the #1 Stoner League Pass team.

Serge

I don’t think I watched a single Heat game last year, nor will I this year unless that Jimmy Butler trade happens. Every time I see anyone from Miami I just think about how much they’re overpaying literally everyone not named Josh Richardson and it makes my heart ache. Spo is still very good and they might bother some lower playoff hopefuls but at this point it just comes down to how much you invested in the Wade Farewell Tour 2019.

I’m actually higher on the Bulls than I initially thought, health pending. They’ll score in bunches and have a variety of ways to do it. I hope LaVine’s athleticism is back and what we saw from Kris Dunn was not a fluke because that makes this a very fun team. It helps not knowing who Bobby Portis will try to fight next. They might hang 120 on some unfortunate team, but the problem is they’re built to give up 130 each game.

Brandon

The Bulls are my home team but I can’t get there. Dunn and LaVine have crossed through both my favorite teams and yet to impress at either stop, and I’m already out on the Jabari experiment. I’m intrigued by Lauri-Wendell long-term, but the best selling point for the Bulls is exactly what you said — as a showcase for every opponent having their best offensive night of the year.

I can’t believe how out you are on Miami. I don’t know who should be more offended, Dion Waiters or Allana Tachauer. I like guys like JRich and Bloodsport, and I sincerely hope they’re both on the Timberwolves before we publish this because sorry Allana, but that’s the only way anyone on this roster is turning into Jimmy Butler.

Serge

Shots fired. I’m just in this tier to watch Harry Giles surprise everyone.

TIER V — FUN FRISKY FODDER

22. Brooklyn Nets (23) 21. Charlotte Hornets (25) 20. Memphis Grizzlies (21) 19. Atlanta Hawks (29) 18. Los Angeles Clippers (20)

Serge

Are the Hawks this high because you’re bullish on Trae Young? I’m interested to see how that experiment goes for Atlanta, but I’ll watch them just so I could laugh, point at the TV, and say “could’ve had Luka!”

The one thing all of these teams have in common is they won’t surprise you by suddenly winning or playing amazing basketball, but each team has one player you’ll want to check in on every once in a while when they’re hanging 35 in some valiant losing effort. In order of ascending interest: Mike Conley, Trae, D’Angelo Russell, Kemba Walker, Lou Will.

Brandon

I absolutely am that high on the East Golden State Trae-Hawks. I think there’s a consensus top 12 League Pass teams, and I had the Hawks best of the rest at #13. Ever wondered if pace and space can work as a functional system regardless of talent? We’re about to find out (it can’t). Trae and Kevin Huerter are the Pete Davidson man’s version of Steph and Klay. John Collins is about to become one of those nightly highlight guys. Vince Carter is still happening. The Hawks are going to be terrible this year, but they’re going whole hog on the Trae experiment and I can’t wait to watch.

They’re not the only team you missed in this tier. The Hornets are my other big sleeper. They brought in a new coach and overhauled the system, and they’re going to run a lot with Kemba, Malik Monk, Miles Bridges, and Nic Batum. Hornets stay in the playoff mix, and they’re going to be an underrated watch. Bonus points for bringing back Stephanie Ready on the mic.

Serge

I spent three years trying to get excited about the Hornets, telling everyone how good Batum is before him getting hurt and leaving Kemba as sole creator. Seeing Tony Parker in anything other than Spurs silver and black is going to take half a season to get used to and I hate change, so I’d rather not.

The Nets, on the other hand, can be sneaky gamey. D’Angelo Russell is playing with the same coach in back-to-back seasons for the first time. Kenny Atkinson is a smart coach we don’t talk about enough who had this Brooklyn team playing actual basketball last year. I think it’s going to be a good watch.

Brandon

A month ago I was set to rank Charlotte last out of principle on Tony Parker, but life moves on and the Parker-Batum French Connection makes up for it a bit. Who else can we get over there? Jo Noah needs a new team. Would Boris Diaw come out of retirement? Just run an entirely French national team second unit. You’d watch.

The Grizz and Clips are a true test of basketball nerdery. You’re a real one if you can get into a Clips-Grizz game on a cold Tuesday night in February (especially since Conley, Gasol, and Parsons will be on IR by then, and I think Parsons just injured himself reading that sentence). I want to watch JJJ and Shai, Bobi and Toby, Avery and SloMo. Lots of uniquely fun players on these teams I’ll love checking in on once a month.

Serge

Mike Conley is a few years removed from being the NBA’s highest-paid player for about three days. The Grizz are too good to not compete when healthy and now they added an exciting rookie so we’ll see what happens.

I like watching Doc over-coach an average team into the playoff hunt. This Clippers team will be another example of his talent management.

Brandon

I’m not super excited to watch this tier of teams play on their own, but they’re a great excuse to catch a worthy opponent.

TIER IV — THE NBA BOURGEOISIE

17. Indiana Pacers (28) 16. Houston Rockets (11) (15. Minnesota Timberwolves post-Jimmy, reserved) 15. Washington Wizards (7) 14. Phoenix Suns (22) 13. Portland Trail Blazers (14)

Brandon

How in the world ranking the Wizards top ten? Every time I think about this team, I want to watch them even less. John Wall is fat, and the unholy trifecta of Dwight Howard, Austin Rivers, and Jeff Green is a ticking time bomb. There’s never been as much of an on-paper team as Washington. Only the paper they’re on is toilet paper, Dwight just farted again, and I can smell it through my screen. This team will despise each other. They might have to bring Gilbert Arenas back just to police the locker room.

Serge

Let me be perfectly clear. The Wizards are on this list for absolutely zero basketball reasons. I’m here for when it inevitably falls apart and someone stabs Dwight Howard in the cafeteria with a homemade shiv. Have you ever watched that episode of The Simpsons where Mr. Burns gets diagnosed with all the diseases but they can’t actually fit through the door so he stays perfectly fine? Maybe that’s this year’s Wizards.

Are the Pacers too low? They consistently get bad grades from us, but with Victor Oladipo growing into a top talent (is Russ the NBA’s Good Luck Chuck?) and Baby Sabonis making progress, I’m actually excited to watch the Pacers.

Brandon

To be fair, you have the Pacers at #13 and I brought the average down with my #22 ranking. The Pacers and Wizards were our two biggest discrepancies in your direction. As I write this, I’m literally leaving in an hour to go to the Pacers home opener and I can’t get myself excited. Oladipo’s fun, but I wonder if this team is about to turn into post-2016 Portland or post-2017 Miami where they overachieve, then overpay everyone to keep an average roster intact. Prove me wrong, Myles Turner.

The Suns feel like the team we’ll both drop ten spots in our mid-season update once we remember how bad they are at actual basketball. Ayton and Igor and a thousand wings sound fun, until we remember the Suns ranked dead last in offense and defense last year. Phoenix needs to trade for Mike Conley. Dragan, JoshJax, T.J. Warren, and cap room for Conley, who says no?

Serge

Suns say no. Are they still trying to pry away Tyus Jones from Thibs’ cold, dead hands? It’s going to be fun when Jones becomes a good point guard for someone who isn’t invested in Derrick Rose as their comeback story for another year. I’ll laugh heartily.

Houston’s a weird team to place. This iteration of D’Antoni Ball has been fun, Chris Paul is still the smartest guy on the floor, and James Harden will forever be the most deceptive dribbler and expert contact-drawer. They lost some pieces , but CPe is too smart and too maniacal about winning for them not to hit 55. The real question here is which version of Carmelo we’re getting because if we get the OKC version, Chris Paul might kill him.

Brandon

I think we’re getting a new still-in-box version called Bench Melo, now available on a minimum deal. Houston will be very good again, but I really have no interest in watching Melo or CP3 or Harden, let alone all three together. We’ll get plenty of them in May.

The Blazers get bonus points because there’s nothing like a late-night home game with Dame, C.J., and all those rabid Blazers fans. Plus, you never know when you’ll get a halftime rap performance from Dame or a podcast with C.J.

Serge

The Blazers are on a “when do we blow it up” clock because I don’t think you win with this team but they’re entertaining to watch, and honestly, maybe we can add Nurkic or his father wrestling a bear to the half-time slate?

Okay, but now let’s talk about the team we came here to talk about. What’s going on in Minnesota, Brandon? What’s the word on the ground?

Brandon

You know what? The good people have been reading long enough, and I have a lot to say on this. Besides, this is only Part I of the Timberwolves rankings. Let’s take this over to Part II and I’ll give you my full eulogy there.

Who’d we miss? Who is too high or too low? Leave your thoughts in the comments and check out Part II for teams #12 to #1…

Improve your Twitter existence by following Serge @Sergetacular and look for his and Brandon’s work at Grandstand Central. Follow Brandon @wheatonbrando for more sports, TV, humor, and culture. Visit Brandon’s writing archives here.

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