EDUCATION REFORM + MENTAL HEALTH
Dead at Ten: Our Education System is Completely Failing Our Children
How can we fix bullying in schools when the system is the reason kids are bullies?
“It’s very important to choose kindness and stop bullying.” — Jacob Tremblay
What would drive a ten-year-old child to take their own life? What goes through that child’s mind as they make the final choice?
It is incomprehensible for me, as a parent, to even imagine. I don’t want to imagine it. It would be my worst fear to experience it.
I’ve been close to death often in my life. A friend took his life in high school. I’ve known too many people who have taken their own lives.
What is a child thinking to take this action?
And what sort of world are we living in that allows this to happen?
Lukas Illesca was a happy little boy.
Then his father noticed his child’s demeanor changing. He became aware that his son was being bullied in the school. He raised the issue with the administration but had little response.
Lukas took his own life.
At the community board meeting to discuss the issue, parents and children lined up to share their own stories of bullying. One young boy broke down as he shared his stories of being bullied over the years. He even turned to his mother who was in the audience, apologized to her for what he was going to share, and then explained how he was bullied for being homeless at times.
Lukas isn’t the only young person to take their life.
Isabelle Tichenor, took her life as a result of bullying in her school.
She was also ten.
I might be able to explain why a fifty-year-old man takes his life because he felt he failed his family. I don’t agree with it. It is beyond tragic. But I can find some rationale as to why it was done.
But I can’t with young people.
We discuss this topic ad infinitum. The general response from politicians and educators is to throw more and more resources into the mental health crisis. All of the schools are adding more counselors and mental health specialists. I don’t think this is going to help.
The problem is that our schools are structured to be centers of bullying.
Most kids don’t like school. But we force them to go. Most kids are depressed in school. But we tell them it will be fine once they graduate and start making money. Most adults don’t like their work. But they continue to stay in jobs that they think are going to eventually make them happy.
There is no mystery to the problem. We measure our children with tests and grades, place high demands on them, pressure them to learn math and other subjects that they will never use, and lie to them about their futures.
School is broken. It has been broken for decades. And as long as we continue to accept this model as acceptable, we are going to have more and more ten-year-olds taking their lives.
I am sick and tired of administrators and educators who either defend or accept the system. I have been in education for twenty years. I have seen children so brutalized and abused from schools around the world, that the parents are forced to “unschool” them and send them on a different path.
I’ve written about this topic again and again. I see other people sharing their stories of loss and suicide.
A child is not going to take their life if they are in a loving family and a kind society.
It is no more complicated than that.
Some people don’t like when I say that we are all responsible for the hate in the world. We like to think that our hateful speech and anger on social media don’t add to or create these problems.
We are lying to ourselves.
We are all responsible. And our children see how we treat each other online and how we talk about other people. They listened as we ripped each other to pieces over the past few years because we disagree on certain topics.
This is the result. And I can 100% guarantee that it will only get worse.
Our son graduated from what is considered a very progressive and emotionally supportive school. We have never pressured him into going to college. We didn’t care about grades. He is happy and doing fine with his life at twenty.
We took our daughter out of the school during the lockdowns. She hasn’t gone back even though the school is renowned for its holistic approach, and I continue to work with them. They do excellent work and are trying to address these issues. But we wanted something different for her. However, it is her choice what she wants to do. She loves being out of a traditional school and is thriving.
I am not claiming we are good or better parents. We screw up all the time. But I do know that I will not support a system that is broken. They have a choice in these matters and they will be active participants.
And we will listen.
This is not a matter of time and resources. Every good educator in the world knows exactly what the answers are to fix the system. We could fix it in one day.
I could go into any school in the world and fix it. These aren’t my personal views. My perspective is supported by research and data. There is no question as to what works.
The broken education system is not wholly responsible for all the mental health issues and suicides. It does, however, play a major part. But when a child takes their life as a result of situations in the school, then there is only one place we need to be looking to fix.
People familiar with my views know that I believe fixing the education system would fix almost all of the issues of the world.
Why don’t we start by fixing the classroom and then see what happens from there?
If we did this earlier then perhaps Isabelle and Lukas would still be with us today.
If you are interested in some of my thoughts on education and suicide, here are some additional articles that you may find of value. I hope they help you in finding solutions and helping us bring an end to this broken system. And please share your thoughts and solutions as to what we can do to make this better.
