Can Sex Be Without Emotions?

The truth about love in open relationships.

About a month ago, I hooked up with one of my old friends. We’ve had some run-ins back in days in our twenties until we moved to different countries.

When he came in, we hooked up like old times. I took him around to see my friends. We dined out, did some crazy stuff like we used to do, and circled back at my place.

We had an amazing time together. The sex was as good as I remember. A little rough but tender, leaving me gasping for air.

The next day, he went back to his family’s home where he was staying.

A few minutes later, he called to let him know he was home. We talked for a while, and I went to sleep.

The next day, I did not hear from him. The day after, same thing, no text, no chat, or call.

I got angry.

I took a great deal to stop myself from calling him. Usually, casual sex doesn’t come with emotions for me.

I would erase any feeling springing up after an intimate act with someone. But this time, my body was betraying me.

You see, my friend is married with a son. We’ve known each other long before he got married, but we stayed in touch and kept our relationship on the down-low.

I’ve always preferred dating married men because I have more control over my emotion. If I sense my emotions getting better of me, I check out.

I pride myself on having strong self-control that I was surprised when I felt angry that my friend didn’t check in with me days after our night of intense passion.

After waiting for three days, he finally called and sounded so casual, which infuriated me even more. But then I recalled, he had no obligation towards me, and neither did I.

I responded casually too, and felt relieved for releasing all that bottled emotion I had for the last three days.

Why do we feel emotional after sex?

The first step to feeling emotional is through the chemicals that are associated with attachment.

Any stimulation of the genitals activates the brain’s dopamine system, which is the basis for feeling intense romantic love.

You see the other person very clearly. You smell, taste, hear and feel them.

You learn if they have a sense of humor in bed, if they are listening, relaxed, inhibited, prudish, aggressive.

The brain gathers an enormous amount of information on the things that say a great deal about someone.

Sex releases oxytocin, vasopressin, and dopamine which triggers feelings of love, happiness, trust, pleasure.

This explains why some people do not like someone for the first time, but after having sex with them, they develop feelings and become attracted to them.

So biologically, it is impossible to just have casual sex with someone. There is always that chemical reaction that connects two people together after sex.

However, as human beings, we have the capacity to control our emotions. We can trick our brains into resisting the urge to fall in love with someone if we do not want to.

It is possible to enjoy a physical connection with someone without responding to the emotional voodoo.

I’ve had plenty of casual sex that did not lead to a relationship where it was just a physical mutual connection.

I’ve also had sex with strangers and afterward started feeling clingy towards them. In this case, I allow myself to enjoy the ride for a while until I get bored or they disappear.

It takes a lot of discipline to keep our feeling in check. That’s why setting your boundaries helps to control your emotions and stops you from having expectations from a person you do not want to have an emotional connection with.

Why love in an open relationship is risky

When you start having sex with somebody, your body releases dopamine and other chemicals that build affection and love.

The chemical reaction that takes place during sex makes it harder for women to leave their emotions out in a relationship than men.

This is because the main hormone, oxytocin, which triggers feelings of love, security, and trust, is more present after sex in women than in men.

Men can easily have sex with any woman without falling in love with them because the hormones released during sex are primarily that of happiness and pleasure.

However, the problem is that the body can’t distinguish whether the person we’re with is a casual fling or marriage material — oxytocin and dopamine are released either way.

It’s understandable why we see most women cheat because they crave emotional connection while men cheat mostly for physical connection.

In open relationships, these emotions can be complicated. Some people in open relationships claim to be in love with their partners, which is great.

But love is a dangerous game. You cannot love someone without feeling jealous when they are with someone else.

So while dopamine might help you bond with the love of your life, it’s also the reason you may feel so miserable when your partner starts loving someone else.

Think about it. You don’t have to have a connection with someone to build one. All it takes is one sex to feel something for a stranger.

And this study proved that more that 35% of people who have one-night stands wanted a relationship after having sex with a stranger.

Also, some women have expressed their struggle to balance their feelings for their multiple sexual partners.

Those who practice open relationship feel more hurt when their partner fall in love with someone else. They discovered that while they can control who they have sex with, they can’t control who they fall in love with.

As much as I believe an open relationship to be an alternative to monogamy, I also believe love should be strictly platonic. You have to keep your love, jealousy and resentment under wraps for an open relationship to thrive.

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