This Is Why Trust in a Monogamous Relationship Is Toxic

Would you dump your partner for kissing their crush?

I have known Greg for seven years now. We both did a collaboration for a lingerie manufacturer when I worked as a model for a fashion magazine. We helped build the new business from the ground up.

Greg is a Technical consultant and a workaholic. He is not a guy I can describe in one word, but he is reliable from what I have learned in my years of working with him.

Having worked with him for nearly a decade and having a lot of respect for him, we became close buddies and sometimes shared our dating experiences with each other.

My friend was devastated when he found out his three old girlfriends kissed another guy, a coworker about her age.

I tried to convince him that the kiss may not have meant anything. His girlfriend is in her early thirties, and at that age, she’s still trying to learn more about herself, how to handle advances and how to spot early warning signs of relationship troubles.

I wanted my friend to move past the incident, but he would not budge. He said his girlfriend had previously admitted to crushing on the guy a few months back.

He was sure she knew what she was doing. He thought of her betrayal as a deliberate act, and his mind couldn’t accept being with her knowing she could kiss the guy again or even do worse sleep with him since they both work together.

Greg’s three-year-old relationship is on the verge of a breakup. Despite his girlfriend’s guilty and readiness to quit her job and cut ties with the guy she’s crushing on. My friend can’t seem to find it in him to forgive her.

“It’s just a kiss, man. Let it go.”

I pushed even further, so my friend could see beyond the emotional clusters flocking his tiny brain.

He has never complained about any aggressions in his relationship.

I have never met his girlfriend, but from what he has told me of her, they are both good for each other.

I wanted my friend to overlook what happened and hold onto the happy times, but my efforts were futile. Now he can’t see her as he used to. I think he’s slowly withdrawing his feelings for her.

Because now he spends more time at work or hanging with his male buddies than he used to.

I wish there were a way I could reach out to him and mend this messed-up situation, but I’m out of ideas.

Why does betrayal hurt so much

I have been betrayed and crushed, not once, not twice. And each time, the pain reopens old wounds.

I feel my chest heavy, my heart sink, and unable to think or feel anything around me aside from the blood pumping through my knucklehead.

It hurts deeply when you are betrayed by the people you love.

I know how my friend, Greg feels. I have lived through this torture. They say time takes away all pains, but mine is yet to disappear from my memories.

It hurts when your trust is violated. The more you care about the other person, the deeper it hurts.

Trust itself is very hard to build and extremely easy to destroy.

I wonder if my friend’s case will be different. Will he ever forget the pain? Will he ever trust again?

Will he ever let his heartbeat for someone he cares for in the future if he breaks up with his current girlfriend?

Understanding the concept of monogamy

In our largely monogamous culture, two people are expected to mate and remain united by their love forever.

Monogamous couples expect that one person can meet the other’s romantic, sexual, and emotional needs.

Your monogamous partner is expected to be the most important person in your life. We call them other halves for this reason.

Love is about trust, respect, commitment, and faith. When you genuinely love somebody, you invest not only time but a part of your soul. But if one person cheats, it invalidates that entire relationship.

What makes trust toxic in monogamy?

Monogamy dictates that the relationship comes first and must be protected against all threats, whether family or friends.

Toxic monogamy perpetuates the notion that if you’re truly in love, you’ll never look at anyone else.

That feelings of attraction to another person will never cross their mind. If it does, that automatically means that they are unfaithful or not wholly loving of their partner.

In reality, this behavior is hurtful and unfair, and unloving.

As humans, we are by nature social animals. We are social species that rely on cooperation to survive and thrive.

Many people and communities can benefit greatly from a wide, interconnected, interdependent support network.

Expecting one person to know and meet all of your needs perfectly is unfair and unreasonable, and trying to force this practice on couples will only leave anyone stifled and unfulfilled.

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