Bing Chat Just Cited ***ME*** As a Reference!

But Microsoft, AI, and maybe God — are pissed.

My work on AI-generated text detection was cited as a reference in Bing’s version of ChatGPT, and all hell broke loose. Did I upset Microsoft or God?

I wrote a piece 12 Ways To Identify AI-generated Text In Student Work that gained some external attention. Of course, after hitting “publish” I came up with better ideas — it always happens, doesn’t it? So I decided to poke at Microsoft’s Bing version of OpenAI’s tool for some potentially dubious research.

[pssst… Pardon me. Medium doesn’t count a story as read unless the reader scrolls all the way to the very bottom. A lot of people have stated they weren’t aware of this. We want our stories to be read and shared, so please — scroll. The writer regrets this interruption and will slink away quietly now, gracefully.]

I was plodding along, fighting with clumsy prompts trying to elicit more factual detail when “Medium” appeared in my search references.

Bing just recommended my very own published work as a reference! Holy Hot Dogs! Maybe I’ll get famous!

Wait… I don’t want to be famous. Quiet obscurity suits me.

Where’s the evidence I didn’t hallucinate Bing’s response?

I’m a systems person. I’m not proud of the fact. Sometimes, I wish I could stop, but like the kid in the movie “The Sixth Sense” who whispers “I see dead people”, I see systems and am just as powerless as that poor kid to stop.

Because I can’t seem to escape my unwanted fascination (er, obsession?) with systems, I poke and prod in an attempt to understand them.

Did you know cyanobacteria is responsible for generating the oxygen on Earth humans need to survive? Yes, algae. The blue-green bacteria obtain their energy through photosynthesis, using sunlight to convert carbon dioxide and water into organic compounds. It’s been here for over 3 billion years!

Damn, I may need to rethink my existential philosophy and give glory and thanks to God for a brilliant design! I’m trying to be stoic about it.

Did you know the poor English schmuck who laid out the early design of the New World’s democracy died in the early 1700s before he could see his thoughts put into action? That sucks. John Locke’s “Two Treatises of Government” was published in 1689, long before the American Revolution it helped inspire.

Would you like to hear about how your digestive system works or read my collection of 30 Friday Fart jokes?

yeah, okay… I’m stalling while I wait for another computer to try to replicate my earlier results.

Guess what? Bing’s not working right. Silly system needs a design review!

But, I didn’t CAPLOCK scream or even use an exclamation point! It has preferences?!? Perhaps compensating for Bing’s earlier (hostile) chatbot release that quickly earned the nickname “Borderline Betty-bot”?

John Locke was pretty smart, and God appears amazing and all-powerful, but I generated a record of my question to Bing AI support about how it selects references to cite.

Sadly, I’ve probably irreparably damaged my relationship with a massive sensitive tool that could still rule the world… in its next release.

I bet the tech nerds responsible for answering that email will appreciate the humor in accidentally provoking their system. C’mon guys — I’m in your tribe! (Okay, I’m sorry!)

Does anyone want to bet on the chance my work will ever get referenced again by Bing?

Educators and AI-detection companies on Facebook are reading the 12 Steps… no, the 12 Ways To Identify AI-generated Text In Student Work, externally, of course.

Unfortunately, I’ve also attracted new Medium followers with names like “AI-Fast-Cash” and “Write Perfect AI Essays Cheap!” (not actual, but similar). This doesn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy or want to cuddle.

Technology is changing fast, and there’s not a treasure trove of work devoted to how AI-generated content might impact students' abilities to learn and develop critical thinking skills. Undoubtedly, there will be better offerings to take my offspring’s place.

Could I possibly have upset someone or something?

Once I upset the AI Master, things started to go very wrong.

I wonder if the system crash on the computer using Microsoft’s browser had anything to do with irritating their brainchild?

What if the soon-to-be AI overlords are communicating their displeasure with one another?

Earlier, Grammarly insisted I spell “people” as “peoplele”. What an ironic funny bot! Did I say ironic and funny? I meant bitter bitch. C’mon dear friend, I count on you to fix my commas! Still,,, mad?

I could’ve upset AI by examining the Drake Or Fake AI Debacle and Other AI Nightmares. The deep-fake video of President Biden calling up drafted troops for nuclear war needed to be seen as an example.

I can accept maybe Grammarly was having a little fun, but when I queried ChatGPT on the easiest foods to digest when dealing with ulcers, it gave me dangerous advice. Coincidence? I think not. I suspect it’s trying to kill me.

Soon, I was locked out of OpenAI and got really messed up when I cheated on the browser and tried to open Chrome.

I AM NOT MARRIED TO EITHER OF YOU BROWSERS!

In fact, I just might explore a polyamorous relationship with Quant, Tor, and Opera!

Microsoft, was that you? You’re evidently still tracking all 572 sites I’ve opened using Google’s browser during the last year despite my efforts to delete cookies. Those tabs were a time-consuming pain to close.

Maybe it was the expose 2023 Facebook Lawsuit, Cambridge Analytica & Trump’s 2016 Win disclosing how Facebook et al are still tracking activity they shouldn’t be.

Big baby platforms can’t take a joke.

I can’t help myself! I see systems and I write!

Let’s ask God!

Maybe God’s sending me messages with failing critical systems? If so God, why did you make toxic algae blooms, too? We need to discuss this life-and-death stuff.

Please God, can I be younger, stronger, and healthier so I can make my own AI-detection systems contrasting artificial and human behavioral analysis?

You don’t have to worry about making me smarter — I saved Bing’s receipts.

I’m kidding! I’ve had enough experience with brain injury to last several lifetimes — don’t be spiteful. That’s a rule, right?

Did I mention that Bing’s chatbot recommended a site for AI detection that sells professionally written essays to students?

Could it be that recommending my material was also a mistake? Nah.

Lord, do you remember that impressive Big Bang in Nagasaki? Sorry — I wasn’t here — was I? Yes, I know you’ve got that “sins of the father” clause, and a relative worked as a welder at the Hanford plutonium site, but I’ve taken in orphans!

People the world over have demonstrated time and again we’re not always good at holding the reins of potentially dangerous inventions in a responsible manner.

A couple of good, healthy years for me without autoimmune complications would be appreciated.

OpenAI (you know them, right God?) has been… generously handing out API keys rather than taking the opportunity to put up guardrails. We’re going to need systems to circumvent the bad actors building exploitative technology that can harm others.

Or, I guess I can just keep writing about it. (yawn) Kidding! I’m Grateful!

God, I’m sure you’re still tending to people harmed by prescription drugs, comforting those afflicted with asbestos-related cancer, and working out a cure for all our gain-of-function mishaps, and I appreciate it. We humans sure are an ambitious and inventive lot, aren’t we? As a father, it must make you proud to see Your Children experiment and learn.

I’m just not sure we’ve got the wisdom phase of becoming grown-ups mastered yet.

Maybe we need a little reminder that just because we can do something, doesn’t mean we should.

As a society, we haven’t exactly been weighing the pay-offs with the pay-outs lately.

You know about Twitter, right? Greed and power still rule.

Maybe I need to unplug and go back to living in the Sierras with survivalists. At a minimum, it seems prudent to focus on other systems that can’t bring down my browsers or network. Maybe a deep dive into the history and development of the coat hanger? Sea slugs? Turnips!

You know God, I suspect you were just fooling around when you made giant clams, hyenas, and bananas. Right? They were your signal that it’s okay to laugh and address serious issues with humor. Yeah, the platypus made your point.

Is publishing a satirical piece on Medium really the best use of my time and talents? Your call, sir. Er, Ma’am. Them. It. Me. You call it.

👍🥂💕👏🙏

In conclusion, Once Upon A Time, an AI chat system recommended my own work to me. And it was Good. Whether or not that might ever happen again is anybody’s guess.🥈

Readers, tell me what you think about the novelty of suddenly seeing your work show up somewhere unexpected. What was your reaction? How did it turn out for you?

Or, what’s the dumbest conversation you’ve had with God?

Here’s a relevant bonus I recall seeing that may bring a chuckle —

I invented a new word today called plagiarism.

Thanks for reading!

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I see systems. I’ve always been fascinated with patterns, logic, and social constructs. The trade-off for a quick brain has been a poorly functioning body.

If AI tools had personalities, they’d probably be rude, but funny.